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The labyrinth of personal healing is often clouded with the shame and secrecy of our deepest struggles. Embark with me, Tarek Ali, as I traverse the raw and intimate pathways of my own self-discovery, laying bare the battles with anxiety and the transformative power of returning to one's roots. This episode is a candid revelation, an invitation to listeners to journey alongside as I unpack the layers of my past that have sculpted the person I am today. From the gentrifying streets of Los Angeles to the private recesses of personal trauma, we tackle the complexities of self-worth, body autonomy, queerness, and the messiness of healing.

Through the lens of my own narrative, we examine several things: the intersection of queer identity and navigating sexuality, bringing to light the stereotypes within the LGBTQ+ community and the struggles for self-acceptance in the face of social pressures; reclaiming your body when past experiences stole it from you; and rekindling the relationship you have with you body after a lifetime of self-abuse. I share poignant moments from my own childhood and the journey towards reclaiming my body's narrative. It's a story of growth, self-love, and the courage to confront the demons of one's past. As we navigate the intricate dance of self-discovery, we laugh, we learn, and perhaps most importantly, we find solace in the shared experiences of our struggles.

This heartfelt episode culminates in a celebration of vulnerability and the solace found in expressing one's truth. It's a reminder that healing is an ongoing process, one that requires grace, self-compassion, and an unwavering commitment to authenticity. I leave you with thoughts steeped in hope and encouragement, urging you to embrace your journey with kindness and reflection, and to continue the conversation on self-compassion as we part ways. Thank you for lending your ears and hearts; may this dialogue resonate with you as much as it has with me, Tarek Ali.

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Several years after being betrayed by the people she trusted the most, Johnell joins Tarek to share her story no one else has ever made space for. From her partner to her best friends, the people she thought would always be there seemed to turn their back on her when she needed them most. Struggling to navigate this betrayal and the responsibility of becoming a new mother, she was forced to move on, but so many words were left unsaid. Words, feelings, anger, and sadness that never faded, just bottled up inside of her. In this episode, Tarek guides Johnell through expressing and letting all of these emotions out so that she can heal and move forward. Tarek also provides her (and listeners) with additional tools to release bottled-up emotions, and how to heal herself during this grieving process.

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In this episode, Tarek provides a perspective shift for the different voices that live in your head. The voice that tells you that you aren't good enough, to the voice that tells you to go after that dream, to the voice that tells you it'll never get better. Tarek gives tools to identify these different voices, and how to manage them moving forward.

0:00-2:54 How to Heal with this podcast
2:54 Discovering The VOICE OF SPIRIT Within
7:00 The MANY VOICES in our Head
10:00 IDENTIFYING the Different VOICES
11:46 IGNORING VOICES
15:05 RESPONDING to VOICES & Building a Relationship
17:24 How to AMPLIFY a VOICE
19:19 How to do THE WORK

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After 4 months sober, Mary joins Tarek in sharing her testimony of addiction to alcohol, diving into the false validation it previously provided her. Creating a safe space and emphasizing radical grace, Tarek helps Mary connect with her inner child to evaluate what she needs and how Mary can now be the one to provide for her. Mary experiences a range of emotions in the episode from anger to heartbreak to shame, but Tarek reminds her that it is through her experiences that she is qualified to heal others and how forgiveness is crucial to the journey towards peace.

00:00 - 10:15 Sobriety - An Internal break from the Past
10:15 The First Sip to a Culture of Drinking
12:50 Alcohol was the Bridge
19:08 Fulfilling the Needs of Our Inner Child
27:04 The Exhausting Process of Healing
35:34 Conscious Change for an Ideal Life
39:39 Radical Grace
46:50 Experience is Qualification, Accepting the Struggle, & Forgiving Yourself
55:15 Addicted to the Escape
1:04:04 Life Cleanse - Experiencing Everything for the First Time Again
1:13:38 Making Space for Sobriety to be Unenjoyable
1:20:12 Celebrating the Journey

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After suddenly disappearing from the podcast for 6 months, Tarek returns with a powerful episode full of radical transparency and vulnerability like he never left. In this episode, Tarek takes us on the journey of what caused him to hit rock bottom when he thought he was on top of the world, a shocking diagnosis from his psychiatrist, navigating new medication, and everything he has learned about himself and anxiety in the process.

This episode will give you insight into the process of starting a new medication for your mental health, how to identify and manage your own anxiety and/or depression, and encourage you to allow more support in your life from family, friends, and more.

0:00-10:06 Too Much Trauma — stressors that got me here
10:06 Overcompensating, Avoiding Depression, Toxic Positivity, Sacrifice
15:42 The Evaluation
18:40 The Diagnosis
20:36 Fear of Starting Medicine, Self Shaming, Not Deserving Help
23:15 Changing Perspective of Medicine, Fighting Stigma
30:12 No Time to Live, Only Time to Cope
38:35 Healing with my Dad
42:40 Keep Trying. Keep Trying. Keep Trying.
44:20 Identifying Anxiety.
50:00 Not a Cure
52:14 Normalizing Anxiety
1:00:00 0 to 100...mg? Self Shame, Giving Anxiety a Voice
1:04:00 Affirmations, Motivation, & Encouragement

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In one of his most transparent episodes to date, Tarek revisits the traumatic events that led him to uncover his own self-hatred and the harm it was causing to others. From vulnerable conversations with his best friends that went left, to colorist tweets from grade school that resurfaced online in 2020, he shares how all of these experiences were just stepping stones to him learning how to love himself more. Aside from his powerful storytelling, this episode will provide you with the tools to help you reflect on your own (hidden) beliefs that may be keeping you from loving yourself to the fullest.

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In this episode, Tarek offers a new mindset that will help you see the light in your dark times. Not just after the storm, but while it's happening. He uses examples from his own journey and gives you the tools needed to allow yourself to not be ok, and see how the storm you're in is needed for what's next. So that the next time a storm comes, you'll allow yourself feel and to not be ok while also showing up to your higher self and staying in a position for growth.

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Depression and anxiety are much more than just feelings of sadness. They are changes in behavior that make you act out of character and turn to others for the validation you should be giving to yourself. In this episode, Tarek reveals the therapist-approved method he uses to nurture himself back to health when he was close to burnout. Including tools and methods he came up with to use when feeling triggered by unmet childhood needs. Because we are human. We get depressed. But it is the process of climbing out and loving ourselves that helps us suffer less and grow more.

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Tarek Reveals:

• After Fashion Week, Tarek realized he was getting close to burnout.
• Meditating with the Daily Calm app and journaling relieved some of Tarek’s anxiety but he realized he was going through depression.
• Tarek acted out of character so he knew he needed to better understand his behavior.
• Dating apps feel like a necessary evil to Tarek but they also provide him with validation.
• In NY, people didn’t see Tarek for who he wanted to be seen as.
• 12-year-old Tarek is still crying about his unmet childhood needs.
• Tarek’s family felt love through eating soul food together. When he wants to feel comfort, he eats.
• Self-care is a way Tarek validates himself but not caring for himself is an outward expression of his internal depression.
• Identifying your needs helps you embrace better methods.
• Tarek shares the method he uses to remind himself of when he wants to validate himself.
• Care enough about yourself to put in the work. It is worth it!

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