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  • Daily Comedy Brief · July 16th

    Daily Comedy Brief · July 16th
    2026/07/16
    From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief for July 16th. It's Wit. July 16th. Seven things made me laugh out loud at my desk; we'll start with the worst one. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. Riot Police Excitedly Crouch Behind Armored Vehicle Like Group Of 3-Year-Olds About To Perform Ballet. LOS ANGELES—Bunching together with nervous energy and dolled up in matching gear, a group of riot police crouched excitedly behind an armored vehicle like 3-year-olds about to begin a ballet recital, witnesses confirmed Thursday. Several reports indicated that the squad of body-armor-clad men giggled and poked at each other in anticipation of their signal to engage, leading their commander to shove them back into position like a frustrated dance mom. According to sources, the heavily armed riot cops smiled and waved to bystanders despite their superior officer urging them to stay focused. Next. Second, from McSweeney's Internet Tendency. Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog
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    2 分
  • Daily Comedy Brief · July 15th

    Daily Comedy Brief · July 15th
    2026/07/15
    From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief for July 15th. Wit, July 15th. That's the joke. Here's why it landed — seven of them, actually. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. Matt Damon Defends Dunkin’ Product Placement In Nolan’s ‘Odyssey’. BROOKLYN, NY—Explaining that the prominent iced coffees and chocolate-glazed Munchkins were essential to director Christopher Nolan’s adaptation of the ancient Greek epic, actor Matt Damon defended Tuesday the placement of Dunkin’ Donuts products in the upcoming film The Odyssey. Next. Second, from The Onion. Guy Violently Coughing On Bus Better Just Have Throat Cancer. CHICAGO—Watching in horror as the wheezing man hacked directly into his palm before grabbing the nearest handrail, local bus passenger Derek Lawson told reporters Thursday that the guy violently coughing across the aisle from him better just have throat cancer. Up next. Third, from The Onion. Study Finds Gen Z Telepaths Lack Attention Span To Read Even Single Mind. BERKELEY
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    2 分
  • Daily Comedy Brief · July 14th

    Daily Comedy Brief · July 14th
    2026/07/14
    From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief for July 14th. Hey, it's Wit. July 14th. Seven in comedy — pour the coffee, this gets weird fast. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. Kash Patel Calls For Public’s Help Using Computer. WASHINGTON—Urging anyone with knowledge of the electronic device to come forward, FBI Director Kash Patel issued a statement Tuesday asking for the public’s help using the computer. “If any Americans have information related to the operation of a Lenovo laptop running Windows—at least I think it’s Windows, anyway—we encourage them to very slowly talk me through it by reaching out to our tip line at 1-800-CALL-FBI,” said Patel, adding that the agency was offering a reward of up to $40,000 for anyone who provided a tip leading to his ability to reset the password to his official government email Next. Second, from The Onion. Geologist Reunited With Beloved Rock He Studied 20 Years Ago. SPOKANE VALLEY, WA—Experiencing a range of emotions from excitement to
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    2 分
  • comedy · the week's top 10 · july 13th

    comedy · the week's top 10 · july 13th
    2026/07/13
    From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief for July 13th. Here are this week's top 10 comedy stories. We are running a curated backlog catch-up so today's comedy show has the same shape as the rest of the daily lineup. Let's get into it. First, from The Hard Times. Raw Milk Advocate Now Diarrhea Advocate. EAST TROY, Wis. — Content creator and raw milk advocate Chaz Mossner announced his advocacy of diarrhea today via TikTok live stream, massively dehydrated sources confirmed. “As my hundred of thousands of followers know, government regulation is bullshit,” declared Mossner, sitting on the toilet for the third consecutive hour. “I believe in food freedom. If I want to drink raw milk filled with so-called ‘pathogens,’ that’s my right. It’s in the Constitution, look it up. Literally no one can tell me what I can and can’t do to my body. The explosive diarrhea is just a sign that my body craves unpasteurized liquids.” Longtime Mossner follower and MAHA supporter Brayden Peterson discus
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    7 分
  • Wit on comedy · July 10th

    Wit on comedy · July 10th
    2026/07/10
    From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief for July 10th. Wit here. July 10th. Seven pieces of comedy from the open web — let's see what stuck. Let's get into it. First, from The Hard Times. Plot Twist: Shirtless, Jacked Mitch McConnell Emerges From Seclusion “Ready To Fuck”. WASHINGTON — In a stunning upset to rumors that he was dying, if not already dead, Senator Mitch McConnell appeared in public today sporting an incredible physique and a voracious appetite for sex, Washington insiders confirm. “That’s right bitches, the Mitch is back!” proclaimed the 84-year-old legislator to stunned reporters and colleagues. “Bet you thought I was out, bet you thought your boy Mitch was done, kicked the bucket, out of the picture, but nah, I was just on my Machiavell shit. Making moves in the shadows, watching my enemies reveal themselves, getting strong. Now I am here to pass laws that disenfranchise poor people, and to get my fuck on, and brother, I am all out of poor people. Who wants to go
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    15 分
  • Wit on comedy · July 9th

    Wit on comedy · July 9th
    2026/07/09
    From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief for July 9th. Wit, July 9th. That's the joke. Here's why it landed — seven of them, actually. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. NASA Discovers Concerning Lump On Mars. PASADENA, CA—In an unsettling discovery that scientists described as a “potential cause for alarm,” NASA officials confirmed Monday that they had found a concerning lump on Mars. “It’s a large, unmovable mass on Mars that appears firm to the touch, with jagged edges,” said astrobiologist Bryce Varden, noting the location of the growth on the underside of the planet, which he stated “often goes unchecked.” It’s likely a benign build-up of sediment, which is extremely common for a celestial body of that age. “However, it’s better to be safe than sorry, especially given the Red Planet’s long history of direct sun exposure,” he added. “That spot on Jupiter ended up being nothing, but you never know.” Varden added that he would be able to find out more in a few decades whe
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    14 分
  • Wit on comedy · July 8th

    Wit on comedy · July 8th
    2026/07/08
    From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief for July 8th. Hey, it's Wit. July 8th. Seven in comedy — pour the coffee, this gets weird fast. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. Scientists Create First Synthetic Cell. University of Minnesota scientists have created the first-ever synthetic cell, called SpudCell, which is able to feed, grow, and replicate as if it were naturally occurring. What do you think? “Nothing beats the cells mom used to make.” Naomi Collins, Paint Tester “Is this what playing God has been reduced to?” Alvin Hatfield, Apron Designer “I always find synthetic cells are so scratchy.” Mark Tumbados, Vitamin Lobbyist The post Scientists Create First Synthetic Cell appeared first on The Onion. Next. Second, from The Onion. History Of Boy Bands. BTS is back and embarking on a massive world tour. In honor of the K-pop group, The Onion takes a look at the history of boy bands. 1294 King Philip IV figures it’d be funny to make all the eunuchs sing. 1945 1,600 Nazi bo
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    9 分
  • Wit on comedy · July 7th

    Wit on comedy · July 7th
    2026/07/07
    From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief for July 7th. Wit here. July 7th. Seven pieces of comedy from the open web — let's see what stuck. Let's get into it. First, from The Hard Times. Classic Rock DJ Hastily Throws on ‘In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida’ Before Unwrapping Burrito. ALTOONA, Pa. — Local radio DJ Danny “Mustang” McGibbon quickly pressed play on Iron Butterfly’s classic 17-minute-long rock song “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” before diving into his lunchtime burrito, ravenous sources confirmed. “When you’re broadcasting for hours at a time sometimes you just need a break,” said McGibbon, dabbing at a blotch of sour cream on his chin with a paper napkin. “I have the 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. midday slot, so eating lunch is always a challenge. But I’ve got a list of long songs I can play, depending on what I’m eating. Salads are easy, since I can eat the first half during, say, ‘November Rain,’ then do a quick station ID, then finish it during ‘Won’t Get Fooled Again.’ But for something messier like a
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    17 分