"I stood in the middle of our room and said, I'd rather go to hell with you than to heaven without you. I closed my Bible and it stayed closed for years."

An episode of The Pursuit of God series on the ReNew Your Mind podcast, based on Donna K Woolam's book His Hostage Heart | Encountering the Unrelenting Love of God.

In this episode, Donna K Woolam shares a vulnerable account of running in rebellion—a slow, daily unravelling caused by choosing worldly comfort and relational peace over a life with Jesus. Drawing parallels between her own decade-long closed Bible and the biblical story of Jonah, Donna explores how God uses the storms of life not as punishment, but as stepping stones to call His children back to Himself. The core transformation offered is the move from resisting God’s mercy to resting in His unrelenting love. Donna calls the audience to stop their flight and recognize that God is a Father waiting with open arms, ready to clean up the residue of a life lived for self and replace it with fresh, new life.---------------------------------

For years, I thought if I ran long enough and hard enough, God would eventually just close the book on me. I was living a life filled with drugs, alcohol, and the pressure of choosing my family’s approval over my faith. I thought I had gone too far. But I learned that rebellion doesn't start with a scream; it starts with small threads being pulled apart until you're somewhere you never thought you'd be. If you feel like you are running, I want you to know that the Father isn't chasing you to punish you—He is pursuing you to bring you home.

• The Subtle Start of Rebellion: Rebellion is rarely a cosmic explosion; it is the daily choice to pull away from God's presence in favor of "normal" worldly life.

• The Jonah Parallel: Like Jonah, we often run from God’s mercy because we fear His requirements or resent His goodness toward those we dislike.

• Storms as Stepping Stones: The difficult circumstances and "wild seas" in our lives are often God’s way of getting our attention to stop our flight.

• • The Residue of Grace: Returning to God is a process of peeling back the residue of sin, where the Holy Spirit provides daily cleaning and fresh life.

• • [01:10] The fear that God has closed the book on your life.

  • [02:03] Choosing family and normalcy over a life with Jesus.

  • [03:42] The "Hell with you" moment: Closing the Bible for years.

  • [04:45] The Anatomy of Rebellion: How it starts with small threads.

  • [05:14] Lessons from Jonah: Running from a God who loves the world.

  • [08:14] When God’s mercy makes us angry: Understanding Jonah’s heart.

  • [10:12] The Turning Point: Returning to Amarillo and the power of prayer.

  • [11:13] The Prodigal Son: Finding out the Father wants a son, not a slave.

  • [12:35] Cleaning the Residue: The ongoing work of the Holy Spirit.

  • [13:04] A Prayer for God’s pursuing presence.

  • Purchase the Book: His Hostage Heart

  • Learn More: Visit DonnaWoolam.com

  • Support Donna’s Mission: Buymeacoffee.com/donnawoolam

  Music Credit:

  PIXABAY LICENSE CERTIFICATE: Licensor's Username: denis-pavlov-music-35636692 / Audio File Title: Acoustic Folk Podcast Music / Audio File URL: https://pixabay.com/music/acoustic-group-acoustic-folk-podcast-music-336064/ / Date of download: 2025-07-16 18:52:49 UTC

  Disclaimer:

  This content is for spiritual enrichment and educational purposes only. Donna K Woolam is an Author, Speaker, and Teacher. These materials do not constitute professional coaching or mental health therapy.