Full Text Transcript

Someone said an average writer “borrows.” The other kinds, both kinds... steal out right.

Bowie, Robert Johnson, Marvin Gaye. I owe you guys one for this.

Believe I’ll Ch-Ch-Change… My Shirt.

Sunlight cracks my window, Gotta be midday. Kick myself a pathway Just to pee into the bowl. Like a peek into that deepest hole, Zombie in the Mirror won’t let me look away — Same filthy shirt as yesterday, Body and soul.

I Gotta Change. They say, “Ya gotta ch-ch-change. New day’s a-coming. Cuz that same old, It’s getting fucking old.” They say, “Shed that old skin For one of truest gold…” I. Gotta. Change. Believe I’ll ch-ch-change My… Shirt.

Karma’s a bitch dog, in heat. She prowls my old mind, Sleeps beside me every night… Feasting on defeats. No stone blocks this empty tomb But I can’t leave her behind... Memories of the darkest kind Blind my way outta this room... T H A T change I can not make— Faced all the strange this heart can take… I gotta change… I gotta change… I gotta change… I. Gotta. Change. Believe I’ll ch-ch-change My… Shirt. Break it down… I believe, I believe, I’ll go back home. I believe, I believe, I’ll go back home. You can't mistreat me here, babe, But you can when I get home… Waitress smiles, checkout jokes… shoplifting contact with little hope casual chic in the cubicle hoarding freak in the domicile Molestation devastation Frustration infestation losing jobs taking jabs Meltdown, shutdown… losing your shit Choose the label for your best fit Can’t see the forest For the leaves, That’s what’s brought me To my knees… New day’s never coming. And that same old, Got fucking older. I yearn to shed that old skin I crave that shiny gold… I. Gotta. Change. Believe I’ll ch-ch-change My… Shirt.

Man I feel the drama today. Hope you guys can handle it.

Massive shoutout to artists I stole quotes from… David Jones, known to the world as David Bowie for “Changes,” that he released in 1972. And to blues genius Robert Johnson for “Dust My Broom,” released in 1937. And as always to Marvin Gaye, for his soul… invisible but always there.

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Bio

Johnny (Knapp) Profane Âû is an auDHD spoken word poet, blogger, podcaster… sometime cosplaying Pretend Rock Star.

Diagnosed autistic at 63, he’s published AutisticAF Out Loud since 2019… a raw, fiercely neurodivergent voice.

His spoken word piece, “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head,” appeared in Wordgathering, a journal of disability poetry & literature. In 2022, he spoke at the UN World Autism Acceptance Day on his illustrations rooted in neurodivergence. Neuroclastic, Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism, and other sites have featured his work since 2019. In an earlier life, he was founding publisher of Unix World magazine in 1984.

Johnny lives in a rural Indiana trailer… next to his wife’s trailer… with his dogs & cat. Occasionally he shaves… to face Walmart.

“I’m autistic. Born 1953.I was not a product of a vaccine.I was not born to be pitied.I was born to raise Hell.Autistic style.I’m not out to inspire you.I’m out to give youan experience..of a life.”

“every clock is a handgun pointed at my head,” art & poetry collection. available on Amazon.

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