What happens when your ADHD brain finally says yes to a big day of joy, and then crashes afterward? In this cozy episode of the Spicy Brain Podcast, Michelle and Megan unpack what it means to say yes to magic, connection, and green tasks, even when you know they’ll cost you some recovery time.

Megan shares a personal win: pushing past the urge to cancel and going whale watching with a friend, even though her body and brain were tired. Together, the sisters talk about masking, energy depletion, and what it takes to show up as your full, unedited self in a friendship. Whether you’re navigating the aftermath of a big social event or wondering why doing something joyful can still leave you feeling drained, this one’s for you.

favorite line from the episode: “I'm Not That Busy, I'm Just Super Distracted"

00:00: midnight Megan and the deadline dopamine

01:20: life is loud, transitions are hard

03:00: the urge to cancel and the cost of energy

06:40: fears about being “too much” when you’re tired

08:20: dogs, belly rubs, and vulnerability

10:40: fix-it Frank and childhood lessons

12:00: the myth of “just change yourself”

14:10: best friend culture, friendship envy, and Gen Z wisdom

17:30: matching friends to emotional bandwidth

19:00: loneliness, lost communities, and neighbor connections

24:00: postcards, connection, and remembering to follow up

26:10: the come-down after green tasks

28:30: dolphins, core strength, and physical therapy wins

If you’ve ever found yourself depleted after a joyful day, you’re not alone. Share this episode with someone who needs a reminder that doing something magical doesn’t mean you won’t still need rest afterward. And don’t forget to follow the show so you don’t miss next week’s episode—our 100th!

ADHD, green tasks, social burnout, masking, friendships, vulnerability, radical acceptance, self-care, emotional boundaries, introvert energy, community building, whale watching, neurodivergent joy

Okay okay. If you tuned in last week and thought, “Wait… didn’t I already hear this?” You did. That was Episode 95 in disguise. But THIS is the real Episode 98, and it’s worth the wait.

This week, we finally finish Chapter 2 of Elaine Taylor-Klaus’s book, The Essential Guide to Raising a Complex Kid, and we go deep. We talk about:

1. What it means to parent yourself with the same love and care you offer your kids.
2. Why meltdowns, big feelings, and broken dishes are all part of the work, and how to handle them with less shame and more curiosity.
3. The four steps to help ourselves and our kids move through a trigger response (and why you can’t skip ahead to “fix it”).
4. Why radical forgiveness is just as important as radical acceptance.
5. Real-life strategies: from marble jars to mug catastrophes, to help build trust and repair when things go sideways.

We also unpack what it really means to “stay calm” as a parent. Spoiler: it’s not as simple as the books make it sound. There’s a reason this chapter took us four episodes to process, and that’s because healing is messy, neurodiversity is layered, and parenting is Olympic-level emotional work.

We’re so glad you’re on this journey with us.

💬 Favorite quote: “If a dish gets washed and no one sees it, did it happen?”

Next week, we’re diving into the chapter titled: “I’ve Tried Everything and Nothing Works”—and redefining what success really looks like for complex parents and complex kids.

The Essential Guide to Raising a Complex Kid by Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Be sure to follow or subscribe on your favorite podcast app.

And if you’ve been enjoying the show, leaving us a review helps other neurospicy humans find their way here too.

Until next time: stay curious, joyful, and full of radical acceptance and forgiveness. High kick!

ADHD podcast, parenting complex kids, ADHD parenting strategies, neurodivergent parenting, radical forgiveness, emotional regulation ADHD, parenting with ADHD, ADHD self-parenting tools, how to support ADHD kids, The Essential Guide to Raising a Complex Kid, teaching emotional regulation, marble jar trust, radical acceptance ADHD, parenting when you’re overwhelmed, I’ve tried everything and nothing works ADHD, staying calm during a meltdown, ADHD and shame spiral, real talk ADHD parenting, neurospicy podcast.

UPDATED** - We had a technical glitch where about ten minutes of the audio cut out Megan's voice. While Michelle does enjoy talking, she wasn't having a one-sided conversation. lol

Welcome back to the Spicy Brain Podcast! In this final part of our deep dive into parenting archetypes from The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, Michelle and Megan explore the last three personality patterns — Demanding Dave, Defensive Drew, and Bootstrap Bessie — with their signature blend of heart, honesty, and humor.

If you’ve ever heard phrases like “Life’s not fair” or “You just need to do what’s expected of you,” this episode will hit home. Through personal stories, uncomfortable truths, and the occasional pug pee metaphor, they examine how trauma, shame, and generational patterns can sneak into our parenting, and how we can shift toward curiosity and repair instead.

Favorite line from the episode: “You’re never gonna have a butler.”

00:00 intro and why the high kick has to be low

01:15 welcome to new listeners and a recap of the book

03:30 Demand #1: Demanding Dave and Darlene “Just get the socks on!”

06:45 the San Francisco trip, light bulbs, and the Alcatraz mug

11:00 time blindness, accommodations, and why being early is survival

15:10 Megan’s rescue pug as a metaphor for ADHD parenting

18:30 learning to parent without shame, and with sparkles

22:45 “You’re never gonna have a butler”: when language shapes identity

25:00 how expectations can fail when they ignore invisible disabilities

29:00 Defensive Drew — when parenting becomes performance

33:00 othering, vertical games, and looking for parents who get it

36:00 trauma, defensiveness, and the spinny brain

40:30 how therapy (and therapy avoidance) shows up in family patterns

45:00 Bootstrap Bessie: suck-it-up culture and emotional dismissal

48:30 lack of empathy for ourselves and how to break that cycle

51:15 how “suck it up” becomes a stop sign in conversations

53:00 revisiting all 15 archetypes as ways we shut down connection

58:00 what happens after the awareness, the power of "up until now"

01:00:00 the repair process in parenting and neurodiverse relationships

01:03:00 preview: the four-step strategy for managing triggers

01:04:30 final thoughts on values, time, and why parenting is an 18-year interview

ADHD parenting, parenting archetypes, complex kids, Elaine Taylor-Klaus, neurodivergent families, time blindness, emotional triggers, radical acceptance, self-repair, parenting trauma, invisible disabilities, generational patterns, childhood shame, reparenting, expectations vs reality, neurospicy podcast

If you saw yourself in more than one parenting type, you are absolutely not alone, and awareness is the first step toward change. Next week, we’ll shift from insight to strategy with four powerful steps to manage your triggers and reset the stress cycle. Follow or subscribe to the Spicy Brain Podcast so you don’t miss it, and leave us a review to help other neurospicy folks find us too.

Until then, stay curious, stay joyful, and bring a whole lot of radical acceptance.

In this heartfelt and funny continuation of last week’s episode, Michelle and Megan tackle the second half of the ADHD parenting personality types from The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, and reflect on how those same patterns shape how we parent ourselves.

From the anxiety-fueled planning of Anxious Ava to the quiet retreat of Distant Dana, the sisters explore how these archetypes show up in real life, in restaurants, in parenting, and even in podcast recording sessions. Megan shares candid stories about growing up with learned rules and what it means to finally break them, while Michelle gets real about what it's like to catch yourself reacting from a place of fear or habit.

They also dive into the concept of emotional permanence, the idea that some of us need regular reminders that we are loved, even if we’ve just had a great day. This episode is a reminder that you’re not alone in your patterns, your fears, or your flailing Kermit moments, and that naming those patterns might be the first step to changing them.

favorite line from the episode: “He's not gonna inject heroin into his eyeballs.”

00:00 welcome back and defining parenting in all its forms

04:00 parenting as a village — dogs, stepkids, and inner children

05:50 Anxious Ava: planning, fear, and over-control

11:15 pushing past the panic spiral

12:00 Pushover Pat and setting boundaries

16:30 mental health days and radical honesty

20:00 Denying Dale and societal myths about ADHD

25:30 Playful Peter and learned helplessness

31:00 Distant Dana and parenting avoidance

35:00 emotional permanence and unspoken rules

42:15 shifting perspective with “up until now”

45:10 how we parent different people differently

47:30 radical acceptance — even when you’re tired

ADHD, ADHD women, parenting archetypes, Elaine Taylor-Klaus, neurodivergent parenting, anxious parenting, emotional permanence, childhood rules, inner child, emotional regulation, mental health, radical acceptance, masking, executive function, sibling podcast, self-awareness, neurodivergent adults

If any of these parenting patterns hit close to home, we see you. Share this episode with a friend who might relate, or revisit Episode 95 to hear the first half of the parenting archetypes. And don’t forget to follow or subscribe so you don’t miss next week’s dive into Defensive Drew, Demanding Randy, and more. Until then, stay curious, joyful, and full of radical acceptance.

This episode is a deep dive into the ADHD parenting archetypes from The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, but with a twist. Megan and Michelle explore how these roles not only show up in parenting, but also in how we parent ourselves as neurodivergent adults.

From Angry Anne’s explosive reactions to Lost Lois’s "meh" mode, they unpack how each archetype holds clues to our deeper needs, fears, and patterns. Megan admits she might be a little too familiar with Maxed-Out Maxine, while Michelle wonders if she’s ever not been Fix-It Fran. The episode is filled with stories, laughs, reframes, and one very important reminder: you’re not doing it wrong, you’re just learning what works for your brain.

favorite line from the episode: "I’ve tried everything and nothing works... well, maybe there’s a better way."

00:00 welcome back and scrapping the other episodes

03:15 ADHD parenting personality types overview

06:20 Angry Anne and shame spirals

10:45 Super Parent Sue and martyr mode

14:55 Lost Lois and emotional flatness

18:30 Maxed-Out Maxine meets sensory overload

22:40 Fix-It Fran and the frantic helper

28:05 Nagging Nan and the weaponized sigh

34:00 the power of language and “up until now”

38:15 gentle self-reframes and parenting yourself

ADHD, ADHD women, parenting archetypes, self-parenting, Elaine Taylor-Klaus, neurodivergent moms, emotional regulation, radical acceptance, sensory overload, ADHD burnout, reframing, shame spirals, self-talk, ADHD relationships

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who’s also navigating the ADHD chaos. And be sure to follow the show so you don’t miss Episode 96, where we pick up with Anxious Ava, Pushover Pat, Denying Dale (or Debra), and more. You are not alone — and you are not broken. Let’s keep shedding those shoulds together.