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Smack Talk City is back, and this week things take the usual completely unnecessary turn.

We hear how a charity mud run became a personal mission to defeat the RAF Regiment, revisit the terrifying legend of the nuclear-waste seal, and tackle the growing environmental crisis of people piling dog-shit bags around an already full bin.

Naturally, this leads to Captain Planet, Donald Trump, lizard people, questionable plastic surgery and the important question of whether Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid really died when everyone says they did.

There’s also whiskey, dogs, Brad Pitt, conspiracy theories, absolutely no meaningful research and the usual collection of tangents that somehow make perfect sense at the time.

Welcome back to Smack Talk City.

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This week on Smack Talk City, James and Leo set the bar low with participation trophies, argue the structural integrity of custard creams, question whether TV licensing works like vampire law, and somehow end up dealing with a hypothetical dead body in a Wimpy.

There’s also BBC licence fee chat, clean public toilets, pocket potatoes, Screwfix email rage, Greggs chicken strippers, and the eternal question: is hiding the body even necessary?

That title pulls from the strongest bits: the BBC/TV licence threshold chat and vampire comparison, plus the Wimpy body scenario later in the episode.

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This week on Smack Talk City, we uncover the greatest act of podcast theft since someone first put two microphones in front of two idiots and called it content.

Apparently Joe and James from Fact Up have taken one look at our carefully crafted format, unplanned waffle, half-remembered facts, questionable animal knowledge, occasional Office references and the general sense that nobody knows where any of this is going, and decided to build a whole podcast around it.

Rude, frankly. We’re not angry. We’re just disappointed.

Once we’ve dealt with the obvious intellectual property crime, we get into Britain’s inability to cope with any weather that isn’t mildly disappointing, Southwest Trains turning a short journey into a hostage situation, dogs with poor communication skills, school proms, leavers books, and the profound mystery of whether fish actually like to swim or are simply trapped by biology.

There’s also a deep philosophical dismantling of the classic “lion doesn’t concern itself with the opinions of sheep” quote, mainly because we’re not convinced the sheep ever met the lion in the first place. Then, naturally, we end up reminiscing about school, cheap beer, playground swings, and Dan’s frankly unfair puberty.

Also featuring: sweaty trains, trash swans, bunk light bills, Steve barking, and the brutal truth that some people simply win puberty harder than others.

Warning: Contains sausages, swearing, nostalgia, and absolutely no measurable personal development.

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