What if perfectionism doesn’t make you shut down… but makes it impossible to stop pushing?

In this episode, I explore the overachieving side of perfectionism, the version that looks productive, driven, high-functioning, and constantly in motion. The version that says, “I’ll just try harder,” “I’ll keep pushing,” or “If I can just get this right, then I’ll finally feel okay.”

This conversation builds on last week’s episode about showing up imperfectly through a more avoidant perfectionism pattern, the kind that pulls back when things feel overwhelming. But perfectionism doesn’t only show up through avoidance. For many people, it shows up through striving.

Through a nervous-system-informed lens, I explore how both avoidant perfectionism and overachieving perfectionism are rooted in the same thing: a system trying to find safety.

For some people, safety came through shutting down, withdrawing, or avoiding. For others, safety came through doing more, pushing harder, and staying constantly mobilized. While these patterns can look completely opposite from the outside, both are adaptive responses shaped by overwhelm, stress, and self-protection.

I also share how these patterns can exist within the same person and how they can shape relationship dynamics over time. In my relationship with my husband Ben, when his system moved more toward shutdown, mine often moved toward striving and over-functioning in response.

This episode explores how showing up imperfectly matters not only for the person who avoids, but also for the person who over-functions.

Because for the overachieving perfectionist, showing up imperfectly may actually mean learning to do less.

In this episode, I explore:

• The difference between avoidant and overachieving perfectionism
• How perfectionism develops through different nervous system survival strategies
• Dorsal shutdown vs. sympathetic striving responses
• Why overachieving can look healthy while still being driven by self-protection
• The hidden cost of constantly pushing, striving, and over-functioning
• How perfectionism can disconnect us from our body, limits, and needs
• Why overachieving and avoidance can exist in the same person
• Common relationship dynamics between shutdown and over-functioning partners
• Why showing up imperfectly matters for both perfectionism patterns
• How imperfect action for overachievers may actually mean slowing down, resting, or doing less
• The connection between awareness, regulation, and self-trust

You do not have to get rid of your patterns to begin healing.

The goal is not perfection.
The goal is awareness, flexibility, and learning how to stay connected to yourself while you grow.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.