On today’s episode of The Rizzuto Show, the prophecy of the Liquid Shadow finally came true… and it struck in someone else’s shorts. Yes. You read that correctly. A 317-day Edgar Allan Poe-style prediction ends in betrayal, mesh athletic fabric, and a white couch that almost didn’t survive. This is what happens when you trust a fart after 40.

We also break down the newest “sport” called Run It Straight — which is basically two grown men sprinting at each other full-speed to see who forgets their childhood first. It’s like Red Rover but with CTE. And naturally, Riz wants to start a league in the hallway.

Then we address a longtime troll who accidentally linked his LinkedIn to his hate emails (bold strategy), and we introduce a political candidate whose platform is simple: Make America Moon Again. That’s right. Responsible, mid-cheek-only patriotism may be the one thing that can unite this divided nation.

Plus:

• Galentine’s Day, Kiss Day, and National Self Love Day

• The coolest full name ever revealed (Zayn Hunter Little Rain Graham?!)

• Radio Day (you’re welcome)

• And real RIP tributes at the end

If you like your comedy podcast slightly unhinged but still lovable, welcome home. This is your daily dose of chaos from your favorite funny show.

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