In this episode of Owning Pleasure As A Black Woman, we dive into the complex reality of holiday family gatherings for Black women who are always expected to show up, hold it together, and keep the peace.

I share practical strategies for protecting your peace during the holiday season, including specific boundary scripts, energy protection techniques, and permission to redesign traditions around what actually nourishes you.

Tune in as we explore why you've become the default host/mediator/fixer, how to decline obligations without guilt, and what it looks like to enter January with your energy intact instead of completely depleted.

If you're looking to experience a holiday season that doesn't drain your spirit, you won't want to miss this one!

Understanding Your Default Role

• Being capable doesn't mean you're obligated—hosting is emotional, physical, and mental labor that you're allowed to opt out of
• Cultural scripts about service and sacrifice are inherited survival patterns that may no longer serve your ability to thrive
• Someone's disappointment with your boundaries is not your responsibility to manage

Practical Boundary Scripts

• Complete sentences need no justification: "I'm not hosting this year. I need the space to rest."
• For invasive questions: "I'm keeping my dating life private" / "That's not something I'm discussing today" / "I'm not open to body comments today"
• For unmet expectations: "If it doesn't get made, we'll adjust. I'm not picking up the extras this year"

Energy Protection Strategies

• Before events: Drive yourself, set time limits, eat beforehand, and establish a grounding practice
• During events: Take breaks, create physical distance from draining relatives, use the gray rock method, and leave early if needed
• After events: Plan recovery time including quiet evenings, baths, journaling, or full rest days

Holiday Redesign Permission

• You're allowed to change traditions: potlucks, smaller gatherings, catered meals, virtual check-ins, solo holidays, or completely new rituals
• Ask yourself: "If I could design my ideal holiday without worrying about expectations, what would it look like?"
• Small changes create permission for bigger changes—start with one shift this year

Prefer to watch instead of listen? Head over to our YouTube channel to catch the full episode: Watch it here.

Ready to get inspired? Hit play to discover how to protect your peace this holiday season without guilt, navigate family expectations with confidence, and redesign traditions around what actually nourishes you!

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