What receives our emotional intensity manifests into form. We develop an identity that becomes an attachment to that form by relationship. The greater the emotional intensity created by the raw material (our time, resources, energy, money, awareness, presence), the more disconnected we become from our true nature. The nature of a thing is more important than the form of a thing, per my man Brok from God of War Ragnarok. Our role in this is to attach, do nothing, release, and in that rhythm, hold true to our core idenitty. Hopefully this makes more sense as I talk through it.

In this episode of Selfed, I set out to talk about sex and ended up reflecting on reciprocity. Through the lens of the 69 position, I explore how life is a dance of giving and getting, of learning to balance energies that often feel off, especially after grief, loss, and transition.

I share the aftermath of a breakup that shook the ground beneath me literally and figuratively. From moving across the country three times, losing my home in a tornado, to letting go of a community I once gave to and received from, I’m coming to terms with the cost of identity in spaces that were never truly mine. I draw parallels between corporate spaces and sex education circles where shared language isn’t enough when shared identity takes priority.

This is a vulnerable reflection on longing, misrecognition, and the truth that not everyone reciprocates. I name the discomfort of realizing some people I thought were friends weren’t, and the truth that if folks wanted to hear my side, they would have asked by now.

So here I am, 69-ing with life. Givin’. Gettin’. Learning. Trusting myself to do my own thing. Choosing spaces where reciprocity and accountability are the baseline, not the exception.

This journal entry is about recapping my experience at Zoukfest NYC. Brazilian Zouk is a form of dance that’s around 30 years old and is born from Lombada. It’s sensual and . . . that’s all I can remember from my lessons. But I started learning this in August and got an immersive experience this past weekend in workshops and there were big emotions that came up for me as someone learning not only to dance Zouk, but to learn to dance PERIOD.

Today I talk about how learning to dance has brought light to other areas of my life reflective of my resistances to expressing my rhythm. I recognize podcasting, sex, working out, and Yoga are spaces where I let my rhythm express through those vehicles, and Football, relationships, and work have all been mechanical spaces where the mechanics have come easily but expressing rhythm wasn’t safe. Check out this episode of Selfed and see what works for you.

Oh as it relates to the title, I speak about the law of compensation from the “Fullmetal Alchemist” anime perspective on equivalent exchange. I spoke about how the weight of what I put into my identity from my last relationship and environment had to be let go of, freeing seemingly infinite charge for potential and possibility. Where I’ve given my presence, that freed up energy has allowed what aligns to materialize in my orbit. I speak to consciously making that shift into other areas of life.