If you've ever said, "My picker is broken," I want you to stop right there. Your picker isn't broken. It's working exactly the way it was trained to work. The problem is what it was trained on, and that's something you can actually change. In this episode, I'm going to walk you through the three psychological mechanisms that explain why you keep ending up in the same painful patterns, why that person who seemed so amazing kept disappointing you, and what you can concretely do to choose differently starting today. You're going to get the reframe, and then, as always, you're going to get the tools.

____________________________

Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/why-you-keep-choosing-the-wrong-partner

Download The Pattern Snapshot, a quick self-assessment to name what's actually driving your relationship pattern: https://abbymedcalf.com/pattern-snapshot

Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack.

You'll get...

✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes

✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations

✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby

_________

Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week!

https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/

👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries

👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook

👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book

____________________________

Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.

Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

Say hello on social:

Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd

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LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving

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YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube

You've tried to change. You've done the work. And you still find yourself asking: why do I keep doing this? Today, I want to give you a framework that might finally answer that question. It's called Internal Family Systems, or IFS, and it explains why you react so differently depending on who you're with, why self-compassion feels impossible no matter how many times someone tells you to practice it, and why you keep choosing the same kind of person even when you know better. Nothing is wrong with you. You might just be missing a map.

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Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/what-is-internal-family-systems-ifs-therapy

Download The 8 C's Self-Energy Check: How much Self-energy are you accessing right now? https://abbymedcalf.com/self-energy-check

Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack.

You'll get...

✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes

✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations

✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby

_________

Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week!

https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/

👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries

👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook

👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book

____________________________

Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.

Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

Say hello on social:

Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd

YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube

If you've spent most of your life being told you're too sensitive, too emotional, too intense, that you need to toughen up, let things go, stop taking everything so personally, this episode is for you. Today, I'm going to walk you through what the research actually says about being a highly sensitive person, or HSP. We'll look at what's happening in your brain, why the world feels so intense for you, how to recognize this trait in yourself, and most importantly, what you can actually do with this information so your sensitivity stops running your life and starts working for you instead. And, as always, I'm going to give you five practical tools so you can start feeling more at ease with who you are, right now.

____________________________

Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/highly-sensitive-person-hsp-science-tools

Are you an HSP? Take the assessment: https://abbymedcalf.com/hsp-self-assessment

Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack.

You'll get...

✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes

✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations

✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby

_________

Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week!

https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/

👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries

👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook

👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book

____________________________

Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.

Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

Say hello on social:

Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd

YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube

There's a word people use all the time that’s causing you a lot of unneeded suffering, mostly because you’re using it incorrectly. That word is guilty. You say you feel guilty for canceling plans. Guilty for not calling your mom back sooner. Guilty for wanting more space in your relationship. Guilty for saying no. But the vast majority of the time, what you're calling guilt isn't guilt at all! You've got the wrong label on a very real feeling, and that mislabel is keeping you stuck, second-guessing yourself, and apologizing for things you don't actually owe an apology for.

Today, I'm going to tell you what guilt actually is, walk you through the four things people most commonly mistake for guilt, and give you a three-step, concrete process for figuring out what you're really feeling so you can deal with it effectively. Because you can't solve the right problem if you've named it wrong.

_________

Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/you-dont-feel-guilty

Download Is It Actually Guilt? A Quick Diagnostic to Name What You're Really Feeling: https:/abbymedcalf.com/is-it-guilt

Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack.

You'll get...

✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes

✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations

✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby

_________

Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week!

https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/

👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries

👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook

👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book

____________________________

Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.

Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

Say hello on social:

Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd

YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube

Have you ever felt guilty for wanting space? Like needing a little distance from someone you love means something is wrong with you, or with the relationship? Or maybe you've watched someone you're dating and thought, "Why does their family seem to know everything about everything and have an opinion on all of it?" What you might be looking at, in both cases, is enmeshment. Today we're talking about what enmeshment actually is, how to recognize it in yourself and in the people around you, and why the line between being close and being enmeshed matters more than most people realize. I'll give you the signs across romantic relationships, family dynamics, and friendships, including what to watch out for if you're dating someone from an enmeshed family. And I'll give you tools to start untangling it without blowing up the relationships that matter to you.

____________________________

Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/enmeshment-in-relationships

Get the quick self-assessment called Am I Enmeshed or Just Close? It'll walk you through the key questions to help you figure out what's actually going on in your most important relationships: https://abbymedcalf.com/am-i-enmeshed

Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack

You'll get...

✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes

✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations

✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby

_________

Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week!

https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/

👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries

👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook

👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book

____________________________

Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.

Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

Say hello on social:

Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd

YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube

You’ve tried unfollowing people, making gratitude lists, staying in your own lane. And you still compare yourself to others. So what gives? You can’t stop comparing because you were never supposed to, and comparison isn’t a bad habit you can decide to quit. It’s a cognitive function, and you can’t opt out of cognitive functions. Every piece of advice that tells you to just stop is working against your own brain, which is exactly why it never sticks.

Today you’ll learn why comparison is hardwired into you, why the standard advice fails, why some people get pulled into it more painfully than others, and the specific shifts that actually make a difference.

____________________________

Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/why-you-cant-stop-comparing-yourself-to-others

Download the What Is This Comparison Really Telling You? Worksheet that walks you through identifying your own comparison triggers, what they’re actually pointing at, and how to redirect when the spiral starts: https://abbymedcalf.com/what-is-this-comparison

Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack.

You'll get...

✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes

✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations

✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby

_________

Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week!

https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/

👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries

👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook

👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book

____________________________

Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.

Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

Say hello on social:

Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd

YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube

You're doing fine. Really. You've got work handled, the relationship seems okay, you've moved on from that fight or that disappointment, and you're not thinking about it anymore. Except, you kind of are. You just don't know it yet. That's what compartmentalization does: it doesn't actually clear your feelings away. It boxes them up and slides them onto a shelf so you can keep functioning. And that shelf? It fills up. Stay with me, because today we're going to talk about what compartmentalization actually is, why your brain learned to do it, what it costs you in relationships, and what you can do to start clearing those shelves before they collapse.

_________

Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/compartmentalization-in-relationships

Download the Self-Assessment, Am I Compartmentalizing? https://abbymedcalf.com/compartmentalizing-assessment

Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack.

You'll get...

✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes

✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations

✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby

_________

Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week!

https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/

👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries

👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook

👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book

____________________________

Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes

Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

Say hello on social:

Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd

YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube

You probably know what an ACE is. Adverse Childhood Experience. Trauma, instability, the things that happened to you that you didn't deserve and couldn't control. Researchers have spent decades documenting how those early experiences affect your brain, your nervous system, your relationships, and your health decades later.

But there's a side of that research that almost nobody talks about, and it may be the most hopeful thing I've ever read: the science of what protected you. Or would have. Or still can. There are seven specific childhood experiences, what researchers now call Positive Childhood Experiences or PCEs, that have been found to dramatically reduce the lifelong impact of adversity, even severe adversity. And the most important finding isn't just about kids. It's about you, right now.

In this episode, you're going to learn what those seven experiences are, how to figure out which ones were missing from your childhood, and most importantly, the research-backed ways adults can actually build what they didn't get.

____________________________

Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/positive-childhood-experiences-healing-adults

Download the My PCE Profile, a self-assessment that walks you through each of the seven positive childhood experiences: https://abbymedcalf.com/pce-profile

Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack.

You'll get...

✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes

✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations

✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby

_________

Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week!

https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/

👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries

👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook

👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book

____________________________

Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.

Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

Say hello on social:

Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving

YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube