What happens when grit becomes a trap and control masquerades as love? I open the curtain on nine years of foster care and adoption, from my early "This is a sprint" mindset to the slower "marathon" pace of adoption. The story moves through the highs of first placements, the heartbreak of an international adoption falling apart, and the relentless push to “fix” what was never mine to heal. Along the way, you’ll hear about the Kintsugi moment that mirrored my need to make the pieces fit, the overlapping placements that stretched our home to the edge, and a pandemic pause that revealed what I really needed was rest.

The turning point wasn’t pretty. A destroyed patio set and a red-alert text to my best friend cracked my certainty wide open. Therapy helped me name superhuman expectations and the codependency hiding beneath them. I started using a simple backpack metaphor to right-size my responsibilities: my time, choices, values, and behavior belong to me; my kids’ outcomes, healing timelines, and adult friendships do not. That shift allowed me to set down the heavy, invisible loads I’d been dragging—like making siblings become best friends or proving I was a “good” wife by appearances alone.

Here’s the paradox that changed our home: connection thrives where control ends. When I stopped clawing my way toward attachment and started showing up with clear boundaries and humble repair, everything softened. School days got calmer, sibling tension eased, and my own nervous system finally exhaled. This episode offers grounded takeaways for foster and adoptive parents, educators, and anyone navigating trauma-informed care: honor limits, release the script, and trust that presence beats performance. If you’re carrying too much, consider this your invitation to lighten the load.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs relief, and leave a review—then tell me one expectation you’re laying down this week. You can message me on Instagram @behindthecurtainpod or email rebecca@havenretreatsinc.org.

Email sara@havenretreatsinc.org for more information about the upcoming Mom's Retreat.

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