Retired New Jersey police officer Kevin Donaldson delivers a raw, unfiltered account of life behind the badge in this powerful episode of Reasons We Serve.
From a troubled youth and an accidental entry into law enforcement, to his first day on the job responding to a dead body and his second day involved in a felony stop with a gun — Kevin shares the unvarnished reality of policing that most people never see. He breaks down the mind-numbing boredom interrupted by moments of sheer terror, the devastating toll of repeated trauma (hundreds of critical incidents vs. the average person's 2–4 in a lifetime), toxic leadership, department politics, and the thin blue line that often feels more like a fracture.
On July 10, 2013, everything changed during a domestic dispute call in Roseland, NJ. Kevin found himself in a gunfight where a bullet narrowly missed his head by inches. What followed was a brutal battle with PTSD, alcoholism, suicidal ideation, multiple suicide attempts, and eventual forced retirement in 2014.
The surprising realities of police work and bad leadership.
How the job can break even the strongest officers.
His journey through darkness, rehab, therapy, and the rediscovery of faith.
The loss of his best friend and podcast co-host, Mike Failace, to suicide.
Lessons on mental health, resilience, vulnerability, and why "corrective, not punitive" still matters. Advice for current and future law enforcement officers.
This is more than a cop story — it's a raw look at trauma, brotherhood, leadership failures, post-traumatic growth, and finding purpose after hitting rock bottom.
Guest: Kevin Donaldson – Retired Roseland NJ Police Officer, Host of The Suffering Podcast, Motivational Speaker & Author
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