In this new podcast, Dr. Jordan describes some of the limiting beliefs that girl’s develop after adversities and how it limits their development and confidence. Also learn what parents can do to help girls reframe/reform these beliefs after experiencing adversities so that they learn and grow from them instead.
Limiting beliefs:
“I am responsible for how other people feel” and “I must never disappoint anyone; I am not worthy of attention; I must work to earn it; I am not enough, not important or loveable; I was a mistake
Have I done enough, and am I enough? I’m never enough I am socially awkward, I don’t fit the mold, I’m ugly, not pretty or cool enough; I’m different in a way that makes others not like me I am stupid & won’t have a good future I am behind my peers Everything is my fault; I’m bad,” which lets me believe that there’s the chance that “if I work hard and am good, I will be lovable & loved.
I must be perfect or won’t be loved, “I’m lovable only when I’m doing things well”; if I’m true to myself I may lose love; I must be very good or will be unloved & abandoned again I’m too sensitive, I shouldn’t feel that way; I won’t be loved if I’m angry or not happy; Only certain emotions are accepted & okay to feel & share; showing emotions is a sign of weakness; I must hide and contain my anger, sadness, and grief If I am true to myself I may lose love; If the choice is between “hiding my feelings, even from myself, and getting the basic care I need” and “being myself and going without,” I’m going to pick that first option every single time
I need to seek external approval because I need to feel needed, wanted, and admired = substitute for love. Other people’s needs are more important than mine, I shouldn’t have needs; It’s more important to be liked vs. be myself & set boundaries & speak my truth; Being assertive & setting boundaries is being mean
I can’t trust anyone; there is no one for me to confide in, there is no one who is there for me, I am alone I don’t feel seen, heard, understood, known, validated, I’m not worthy of other’s attention, time, or love I’m never anyone’s 1st choice; I’m not enough, important or loveable; I’ll always be last; I will be forgotten, my friends don’t want me to be around I must never disappoint anyone I’m stuck “I am responsible for how other people feel” and “I must never disappoint anyone I must be a good girl who is: perfect, nice, selfless, follows the rules, always happy, not argue or make waves, wait your turn, only have positive feelings, friendships should be conflict-free with no disagreements, I must be passive & sweet before anything else, don’t stand out, make everyone happy, be the kind of girl that all the parents & teachers like and that other girls want to be I won’t matter or be noticed/loved if there is nothing wrong with me; sick, mental health
Previous related podcasts of Dr. Jordans: Ghosts in the Nursery
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