Self respect comes in many forms, not limited at all, and can be very individualized, person to person, situation to situation. In my case, it’s strange to think about. If I want to find love or be loved fully, the way it is in my heart, apparently, life doesn’t want to show me what love is, but what it isn’t, first. Why exactly? Why does it need to be that way? Not for everyone, I’m sure, we all have different lessons. I don’t think I have blinders on and at ‘x’ amount of time I will magically see love for what it is and it will burst inside of me feeling yummy and wonderful inside, who knows. I don’t like to believe “life”/”the universe” is that vindictive or joker like. That’s just not how I want to view life; in a childish manner where you must learn x,y,z for x,y,z to happen. I think that is narrow minded and society talking, keeping us all the same in our vastly different cultures.

Regardless, I know this voice memo I sent to an old “one off lover” was never going to be “love”, but regardless of a relationship, or whatever, I was not going to be disrespected as a human being with a soul and a pulse. I’m sure he is quite the charmer to girls who want just that, but I realized recently, no matter how much I want it, I cannot be with someone at an intimate level without something being there between us. Mutually.

At the end of the day, you can do whatever you want, right? But the consequence of the action is unreplied messages, or, “Hold on, I’ll get right back to you” but never does, no accountability, and disrespect for the other person. Aguh, makes me sick just thinking about it. But that’s the beautiful part of aging that I don’t hear a lot of people talk about. No it’s not all bad, when you learn things for yourself and it clicks and makes sense, well then you learn and grow and things don’t bother you so much after that. I would have taken it personally in the past, but I heard this therapist on a podcast the other day give this amazing perspective that made self respect click for me even more.

Sometimes people do things out of fear and insecurities, self doubt, self confidence blah blah blah etc no doubt, but that’s not the only reason. Sometimes it’s love. Sometimes you just want to love someone, who doesn’t always deserve it. Does that make you a bad person or insecure? No! What a beautiful quality to share of yourself to another human being. As long as it doesn’t hurt you or someone else, be or think however you wish! That is what my therapist would say. “Even the cuckoo theories my friends have?!” I ask. “They aren’t crazy?!” “No Evelyn, they are not.” She would say.There is some truth to that. Not everything needs to be/say “you are insecure” or because you request a loving partnership must mean that you need to spend more time alone, loving yourself.” To all these modern day haters/opinionators, and “philosophers”. I say to you: you can be both! Not black and white. Not limited thinking. Not limiting ourselves to watered down discussions to blast on media platforms for clicks. How about that :)

Keywords: respect, self love, human with a pulse, you gotta stand up for your right to party, boss chica, avoidance, sweeping it under the rug, editor, writer, producer, director, moving on, slowly, ADHD, talking to yourself, journey, forging your own path, doing it your way, creative, art, subjective, no right answer, real life, raw, organic, no filter, mindfulness, encouragement, inspiration, love,

Song links!⁠https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠