Transcript

SureEyes: [00:00:00] you're listening to quintessentially mental a podcast hosted by SureEyes, please note that this host is not a mental health practitioner or professional, and this podcast is not made for treatment of any mental illness. 

[00:00:25] Spudcaster: [00:00:25] Baobulb.org is a podcasting platform and a medium for storytelling. This podcast is also available on all the major podcasting apps, including apple and Google podcasts. Podcast

[00:00:39] your life with Baobulb.org. 

[00:00:42] SureEyes: [00:00:42] Hey y'all you're listening to quintessentially mental the podcast and I'm your host, SureEyes. Another day, another day had a, quite an interesting chat with one of my cousins. Um, we, we spoke a bit about all familial or family issues and how that potentially affects us and things that we're expected to do to show progress or show that we’re dealing with things.

[00:01:15] And one of the things he asked me was ja but why must I go to a therapist now? This is quite a, you know, interesting conversation. We, you know, people think that using therapists you have some kind of holy grail and they're going to fix you. And all of a sudden things are going to be okay, and you're going to be resolved of all your issues and life is just going to be dandy.

[00:01:49] That's not necessarily true, although it's deconstructed a bit. Why a therapist? So all I asked him was if you broke your arm, Would you go and put a cast on yourself? He looked at me and started laughing and was like, uh, obviously not. And I was like, oh, so if you, you know, had some kind of physical health illness, Are you going to medicate yourself?

[00:02:19] Are you going to write your own script? Are you going to perform open heart surgery? Are you going to, you know, why, why would we treat our mental health different to how we treat our physical health and he was like, okay, I see your point. And I was like, yo, all therapists are another type of medical practitioner.

[00:02:44] Um, and so I think, you know, we, we, we forget that there are specialists for all types of health. So we have, you know, GPS, cardiologists, um, I dunno, neurosurgeons, paediatricians, you know, we have all those kinds of medical practitioners, oncologists, you know, we have all of these types of medical practitioners when it comes to our physical health.

[00:03:18] And if we look at, you know, despite what you believe in, or regardless of what you believe in, they, you know, Idea of spiritual health, and this could be your spiritual health practitioner could be your priest or your rabbi or your mom or your, um, Sharman or your, um, you know, whichever type of your clairvoyant your, you know, whatever or the type of practitioner you deem quanlified in that.

[00:03:52] To deal with your spiritual health. And so the same, I think goes for mental health, right? And so these are people who are trained. And when I say trained, I mean, they also went to school. They also went and studied the subjects that pertain to this particular topic, whether it be. Um, you know, family psychology, whether it be, um, you know, psychiatry, whether it be, you know, studying the Freudian, um, types of belief system, whether it's cognitive behavioural therapy or.

[00:04:34] You know, any other type of, um, therapies. Where there’s actual learning behind an actual, you know, studying of the subject behind what it is they're specialists in. And so the idea of therapy isn't, you know, we should. Just kind of hand off all of our problems to some unknown third party, you know, who is going to wave the therapeutic wand and all of a sudden we're going to be chilled.

[00:05:08] Um, you know, I sometimes joke and I think I'm like, why...

Transcript

SureEyes: [00:00:00] you're listening to quintessentially mental a podcast hosted by SureEyes, please note that this host is not a mental health practitioner or professional, and this podcast is not made for treatment of any mental condition. 

[00:00:24] Spudcaster: [00:00:24] baobulb.org is a podcasting platform and a medium for storytelling. This podcast is also available on all the major 

[00:00:33] podcasting apps, including apple and Google podcasts, podcast 

[00:00:39] your life with baobulb.org.

[00:00:42] SureEyes: [00:00:42] Oh, this is quintessentially mental the podcast. And you're listening to me. Your host SureEyes. today's episode. We're talking about. I guess coping mechanisms or things in your toolkit that you could potentially use to help manage live with deal with your, your mental health state? Um, I dunno. I know personally I've tried a lot of things.

[00:01:13] Um, some things work better than others. Um, I've tried talk therapy, I've tried group therapy. I've tried exercise, mindfulness, eating property, sleep medication. Um, you know, and I guess the truth is that there's no silver bullet. There's no, like this is the recipe for balanced mental wellbeing. Um, or that's what I think.

[00:01:46] I think different things work on different days. Um, and sometimes I don't feel like doing anything sometimes I don't feel like crying. And so I end up wallowing and, you know, just kind of feeling my anxiety or feeling my depression or feeling my overwhelmed.  overwhelmed. I don't even know what that word is.

[00:02:11] Overwhelmingness overwhelmed. I don't even know. Um, you know, I, instead of just always going into like problem solving mode and it happened pretty recently, you know, I returned to work after being on maternity leave. Four months. And it's like in my brain, I'd just forgotten that I have a super stressful and busy job.

[00:02:34] I just forgot. And so day one, when I was thrown back into it and I was like, oh, this is actually pretty hectic. Um, And then at about quarter past four, my nanny was getting ready to leave because she leaves at five. And then I thought to myself, shit, I need to do the dishes. I need to take my son. I need to bath my son.

[00:02:56] I need to exercise. I need to finish work. I need to cook. I need to, I just started getting overwhelmed and anxious that I'm not going to be able to do it all. Um, and so I had a major meltdown. I just kind of cried for five hours. And I was, took the meltdown to another level. I was just like, I'm so alone.

[00:03:16] I can't rely on anyone. No, one's here for me. I'm just set to do it all by myself. Like I wallowed. Um, and it took maybe, you know, the next day where I kind of said, okay, but now. I can stay in that state and I can feel the depression coming on if I had to remain in it or I can kind of look at my toolkit and go, okay, I have family support.

[00:03:42] So what 

[00:03:43] I had to do was just kind of reach out 

[00:03:45] to my mom and be like, Hey, so I kind of need you to. Help me with the cooking or once I've bathed my son, can you take him? And I can just do 30 minutes of exercise or, you know, so I kind of have to reach into my toolkit and figure something out to help me with this particular challenge.

[00:04:06] And I thought it may invite my friend, Nicole, back to the show. Again, we've had a long standing relationship with. Um, we've kind of walked the road. We've tried many things ourselves. We've, self-medicated, we've professionally medicated, we've hospitalised. We've we've done it all. And I kind of just want to have this conversation with her around, you...

Transcript

SureEyes: [00:00:00] you're listening to quintessentially mental a podcast hosted by SureEyes, please note that this host is not a mental health practitioner or professional, and this podcast is not made for treatment of any mental illness. 

[00:00:24] Spudcaster: [00:00:24] baobulb.org is a podcasting platform and a medium for storytelling. This podcast is also available on all the major podcasting apps, including apple and Google podcasts, podcast your life with baobulb.org.

[00:00:43] SureEyes: [00:00:43] Hey y'all this is quintessentially mental the podcast, and I'm your host. SureEyes. I'm also known by my government name, Cherize Ross. I do some overcompensating for my mood today, I woke up feeling pretty bleak. Um, and this week I wanted to talk about loss and grief and trauma, um, things that have been affecting me on a very personal, very real level, almost daily for now, almost a year.

[00:01:18] Um, I woke up thinking about my. My baby nephew who lived with me from the time of his birth. Um, he was just a few days shy of turning 11 months when he passed away. Um, and that by far was the most traumatic thing that has happened to me in my whole life, in my whole damn life. Um, Before that had happened.

[00:01:50] I'd had other traumatic experiences, whether it was, you know, the number of racial incidents I had experienced where I had my identity, my being my existence, my essence questioned purely because of the colour of my skin, a trauma that I'd been dealing with since I was six years old. 

[00:02:19] Um, 

[00:02:22] the trauma of being arrested in London for speaking out against, um, a racial incident and maybe taking it too far by calling the British police colonial liars.

[00:02:35] Um, I guess in the heat of the moment, I, I really. Had my anger towards, you know, colonial mindsets and that type of oppression explode on me. And I ended up getting arrested. Another trauma was, you know, something I speak about quite often, which is the end of an eight year relationship. That was quite significant to me.

[00:03:05] And having that be the most traumatic thing that had ever happened. But since the passing of my baby nephew, there has been nothing. That's not true. Actually. I guess my, the birth of my son was probably as traumatic and maybe that's a conversation to have another day where we talk about, you know, almost maternal.

[00:03:35] Traumas and maternal mental health issues, something that I'm experiencing also quite deeply. Um, but like I said, this morning, I woke up thinking about my baby nephew Kairo. I'd call him aunty’s big boy, king Kairo. Um, I woke up feeling really, really sad, um, and really missing him in. I’m just thinking about, you know, he would have been turning two this year and what would he have been saying?

[00:04:11] What would have he, how, you know, what I could tell, even at the age of, you know, almost 11 months, the personality that was developing and, you know, he'd make me laugh. And, you know, I often have the events of that day running through my mind. Um, at the time of his death, I was pregnant with my son. I was about 20 weeks pregnant.

[00:04:39] Um, and I remember waking up on that, on that morning and going into my brother's apartment and, you know, yelling at him for not cleaning out the cat's litter because when you're pregnant, you know, you're not supposed to deal with kitty litter because of the toxins that they, um, that they, that they give off that could potentially harm an unborn baby.

[00:05:06] And usually every morning when I walked into my brother's room or my brother's apartment, I would immediately grab Kairo and kiss him and, you know, ask him. How he...

Transcript

SureEyes: [00:00:00] you're listening to quintessentially mental a podcast hosted by SureEyes, please note that this host is not a mental health practitioner or professional, and this podcast is not made for treatment of any mental illness. 

[00:00:25] Spudcaster: [00:00:25] baobulb.org is a podcasting platform and a medium for storytelling. This podcast is also available on all the major podcasting apps, including apple 

[00:00:36] and Google podcasts, 

[00:00:38] podcasts your life with 

[00:00:40] baobulb.org.

[00:00:43] SureEyes: [00:00:43] Hey, y'all, you're listening to quintessentially mental the podcast. And I'm your host SureEyes. Welcome to yet another episode where we'll be talking about all things, quintessentially, mental, all things linked to our mental health, our mental wellbeing. Um, just kind of putting a spotlight on important conversations that need to be had in a more public space.

[00:01:12] Today's episode. I actually have my sister, another sister, I think in previous episodes, I've explained the expanse of my family tree. Um, so this is, this is she's she's uh, her name is Jess and we'll be talking a bit about. Kind of like how high school bullies affect your mental health, how also just your home environment adds to it.

[00:01:40] And then, you know, once you find a space to become more yourself, how that almost benefits your mental health and your self-esteem and your perception of yourself. So I know I can speak for myself where. In high school, I almost felt like I had to be a certain way. I was, you know, straight A student involved in sports and culture and all those things.

[00:02:09] Um, and so went on quite an extreme journey, post high school to try and find myself. Experimenting was different types of jobs, experimenting with different types of clothes, which I view as, you know, a form of self-expression experimenting with, you know, different activities. I tried, you know, partying and seeing if that scene was for me, just, you know, trying to figure myself out.

[00:02:38] And I think, you know, when we, when we feel a lot of. Pressure and stress and expectation to be a certain way, whether it's something we put on ourselves or whether it's something we feel other people put on us. I think we, we, we kind of lose opportunities to be. I don't want to say authentic selves, cause that sounds kak wanky, but like just to be a truer version of ourselves or just to be more ourselves, not even a version of it, just to be who we are.

[00:03:15] And so I'm hoping in this episode, you know, my sister can share a bit about her journey with mental health and how. You know, her finding ways to express who she is and communicate who she is through different mediums has given her a better sense of, you know, what's the word, like, I don't know, self esteem or self acceptance, or, you know, that kind of, that kind of vibe.

[00:03:47] Um, so hi Jess, 

[00:03:51] Jess: [00:03:51] hello SureEyes: how are you? Jess: I am doing fantastic. 

[00:03:57] SureEyes: [00:03:57] We have a joke in the family that like all of us are the shady sister, but I honestly think you're the shadiest. 

[00:04:03] Jess: [00:04:03] Well, 100%

[00:04:08] SureEyes: [00:04:08] to your face, at least it's not behind your back.

[00:04:14] So Jess, I would, I guess we can start the conversation with. You know, maybe sharing a bit about some of your mental health challenges. Like what are some of the things you struggle with? And then I guess the second

Transcript

SureEyes: [00:00:00] you're listening to quintessentially mental a podcast hosted by SureEyes, please note that this host is not a mental health practitioner or professional, and this podcast is not made for treatment of any mental illness. 

[00:00:24] Spudcaster: [00:00:24] baobulb.org is a podcasting platform and a medium for storytelling. This podcast is also available on all the major podcasting apps, including apple and Google podcasts, podcast your life with baobulb.org

[00:00:42] SureEyes: [00:00:42] This is quintessentially mental the podcast. And I'm your host SureEyes. Hey y'all Hey darlings. How you doing? How's this week been, I think, you know, every week, reflecting on the week's episode that I'd like to share with you guys. I kind of think about things that are really close to my heart, that's close to my level of experience.

[00:01:07] I do think that I shouldn't do the consulting thing and talk about shit that I don't know. I should talk from a place of knowledge and a place of experience. Um, as you know, my mental health journey has been, you know, you can't kind of keep your, your issues at the door. You can't, you know, you can't just pretend that

[00:01:29] what's going on with you emotionally and mentally and psychologically, it doesn't exist all of a sudden because you're at work. Um, and so, you know, my, my interactions with people in the HR profession in places I've worked has been quite strained because I always felt like you can't really show who you are, especially from a mental health perspective in a work environment, especially not to an HR professional, because then you think, am I going to get a disciplinary hearing?

[00:02:04] Am I going to get a warning later? Am I going to, you know, have opportunities pass me by because I don't have. Um, I don't know that I might be viewed as incompetent or, um, you know, not capable. Um, and so I, I haven't always had very genuine relationships with HR professionals in the context that I've worked in, especially when it came to my mental health.

[00:02:33] It was only in recent years. Where I kind of didn't see it as, you know, stopped judging myself and so felt more comfortable to be open with my HR colleagues. So what I thought for today's episode, I may invite a dear friend of mine. Her name is Leighzanne. Um, we call her Leigh um, she is an HR professional. We've known each other for years.

[00:03:01] We were basically friends from the time we were in our respective in our mother's wombs. I was going to say that we were in each other's wounds imagine, but, um, she's joining me for today's episode. You know, our parents go way back. Um, we've we, we know each other quite intimately in terms of, you know, having been friends for basically our whole lives.

[00:03:26] Um, and she's an HR professional, so I thought, okay, let me have this conversation with her. Um, and also see if she brings herself to the table when she works as an HR professional. So, Hey Leigh, how are you doing? 

[00:03:43] Leigh Hartley: [00:03:43] Thank you so much for having me. I'm good and you. I'm good. I'm good. 

[00:03:47] SureEyes: [00:03:47] I'm good. Thanks for being open to this experience.

[00:03:50] I know you're not you're you still asked me how honest can I be? And I was like jo, bra let it rip. Yeah.

[00:04:00] Leigh Hartley: [00:04:00] Well, we'll have to see how the train of thought goes today, but yeah, I'll try my best. 

[00:04:06] SureEyes: [00:04:06] So, so Lee, I guess as an, as like an opening. Kind of segue into the conversation as just, you know, an opener. Would you...

This week's Quintessentially Mental: The Podcast explores addiction as a mental illness. SureEyes chats to DavidP AKA David Astronomy (because he likes to get high).

Transcript

SureEyes: [00:00:00] you're listening to quintessentially mental a podcast hosted by SureEyes. Please note that this host is not a mental health practitioner or professional, and this podcast is not made for treatment of any mental illness. Hey, y'all, you're listening to quintessentially mental: the podcast and I'm your host. Today's episode is what a tricky one, you know, it's it's about addiction.

[00:00:39] Um, and how addiction is actually a mental health disorder. I don't think people realise this. Um, the title of this podcast is called sippin on gin and juice. an ode or an adage to the old rap song Snoop song. So, but I think, think, you know, it's, it's act given the culture we live in where so many things have been normalised, you know, where things like overeating or over-drinking or, um, , or, you know, all these different things where, you know, As long as it's legal, we're almost okay with it.

[00:01:30] You know, and it's almost like we view addiction as only something that pertains to illegal substances. So today my guest who will be joining, meaning me, um, is a very good friend of mine. He goes by David P. Um, we've been friends probably since about. 2017, I think, um, not realising that we actually have mutual friends, um, in our past lives.

[00:02:06] Yeah. We just didn't realise it. When I was living in Cape town, I was actually friends with people who are quite close to him. Um, you know, Dave and I have partied together. We've done a lot of, you know, drinking together, a lot of champagne. And I don't think that we. Or I ever realised he had, you know, addiction problems until

[00:02:32] he opened up to me about it later on in our friendship. And, you know, I he's been in and out of rehab. He's been in and out of in a, which is narcotics anonymous. He's being in an out of AA. Um, And, you know, it's not something that I've judged him for. It's not something that has determined the course of our friendship.

[00:02:55] I think, you know, obviously I I've been impacted by the, the choices he's made, where either I hadn’t, you know, maybe the only time I got to see him was when he was in rehab or. Otherwise, he, you know, he wouldn't speak to me because he didn't want to lie to me. So hopefully we'll be able to, you know, have a bit of a in-depth conversation about addiction and how it's actually a mental illness.

[00:03:28] Um, something I didn't realise. So stay tuned and we'll be, we'll be chatting to David soon. 

[00:03:37] Spudcaster: [00:03:37] Baobulb.org is a podcasting platform and a medium for storytelling. This podcast is also available on all the major podcasting apps, including apple and Google podcasts, podcasts your life with baobulb.org. 

[00:03:55] SureEyes: [00:03:55] Welcome back to quintessentially mental.

[00:03:57] I'm joined by one of my very good friends, David P or David astronomy.

[00:04:06] He, before we started recording, he, he, uh, made it very clear that, you know, we it's part of, you know, just an AA. Protocols that we never refer to people part of that community as they full name and surname, just to protect obviously the anonymity. Um, yeah. Hey David, how you doing?

[00:04:41] DavidP: [00:04:41] Yeah, I'm good. Cherize how are you?

[00:04:47] SureEyes: [00:04:47] Yeah, I’m tired. Like we've been saying just default settings of mom of a three month old. DavidP: Yeah, for sure. That and having mental illness, SureEyes: mental wellness...

In this week's episode of Quintessentially Mental: The Podcast, SureEyes sits down with Nicola Cooper to talk surviving trauma.

Transcript

SureEyes: [00:00:00] you're listening to quintessentially mental a podcast hosted by SureEyes, please note that this host is not a mental health practitioner or professional, and this podcast is not made for treatment of any mental illness. Hey, y'all this is quintessentially mental and I'm your host sureEyes. Today's episode is titled different, but the same.

[00:00:31] Inspired by my reflection on the, my many travels. Um, I've been fortunate enough to travel the globe extensively. There there's maybe one or two continents I haven't had the good fortune to be able to visit, but I've, I've traveled to at least 50 plus cities, um, around the. And one thing I've noticed and during all of my travels is that despite all of our differences, as people, despite, you know, our, um, culture, language, uh, aesthetic, climate, uh, interests, etcetera, you know, despite all of the differences that we might have, um, as, as individual.

[00:01:26] Fundamentally, we have a very shared, human experience and human need. We all, what I find, you know, having, having traveled and met people from different parts of the world, what I've noticed is we all have a very acute sense of wanting to belong, wanting to be loved. Um, A friend of mine always used to say, look, we all just want to eat, drink dance, have sex and be happy.

[00:02:00] Um, you know, and while those, those things might not be, be the same. I think it illustrates the point that as human beings we fundamentally have, um, you know, Shared experience where we can connect on, on things deeper than just, you know, the surface level. And so, and so what I want to uncover really during this episode is how.

[00:02:29] We connect as human beings. How do we connect, um, you know, using tools, especially in our current climate or rather in the COVID climate, you know, how do we use things like social media to connect? You know, the there's quite a few social media, mental health, um, accounts where positive messages are spread, where people are able to engage in conversation around mental health and mental wellbeing.

[00:03:05] And my question is, you know, does this make us feel more connected? Um, do we then feel like we have a shared experience? Do we feel less alone? Do we feel more supported? Um, I know that, you know, one of the, one of the core traits of human beings is that we are social beings. Um, growing up, my mom would always say to me, no, man is an island.

[00:03:33] Um, obviously in my child's mind, I was like, obviously we're not a piece of land surrounded by water, but as I. As I grew up and I understood the, um, you know, the, the meaning behind it, the fact that we weren't meant to be alone, we weren't mean to, um, navigate this world alone. That we, we do lean on other human beings for connection, for support.

[00:04:05] Similarly, I met a designer years ago in my, in my previous life. When I worked for design Indaba, I'm not, she's either a designer or kind of trained analysis at, um, analyst. And she mentioned, you know, she, she, she curated an exhibition with. It was called talking textiles. And through this narrative, she, she kind of pointed out that throughout our social media experience throughout our, our world becoming more virtual, becoming more technologically advanced, we were actually losing touch with what it means to be human, what it means to, um, You know, actually feel emotionally connected, um, being able to communicate with people verbally.

[00:05:01] Um, in-person non-verbally um, I think there's the, the stat that says that, you know, our, our nonverbal communication makes up 70% about total communication. And so this idea of the need to...

Transcript

SureEyes: [00:00:00] you're listening to quintessentially mental a podcast hosted by sureEyes, please note that this host is not a mental health practitioner or professional, and this podcast is not made for treatment of any mental illness. 

[00:00:21] spudcaster: [00:00:21] Quintessentially mental: The podcast is produced and hosted by spudcaster for baobulb.org

[00:00:28] SureEyes: [00:00:28] Hey, y'all this is quintessentially mental, the podcast. And I'm your host Cherise today's episode is called, comes back to bite you in the proverbial ass. I think this was inspired by obviously, you know, Events in my own life where I either made a decision or didn't make a decision, did something or didn't do something.

[00:00:53] And it came back to bite me in the ass, meaning, you know, I had to pay for it that action or inaction at some point. And so in today's episode, I really want to kind of look at, reflect on and poke about. When we repress or block our trauma, do it on purpose or not whether we do it consciously or not. Um, and its effect on not only our, our mental health in so far as it pertains to the feelings that we have for our, you know, of ourselves and of our world, around us, but also, and how it affects our behaviour.

[00:01:38] You know, and whether we become conscious that this is, you know, the, the behaviours that we're displaying are actually as a result of former hurt pain experience. That has been, that we've blocked out that we've repressed, that we suppress, that we don't look at, that we refuse to deal with, whether we do that, as I said, intentionally or not consciously or not.

[00:02:10] Um, I think it's important because you know, for a long time, especially in our coloured communities, so to speak, you know, we, we have this idea that. You know, we should just bite the bullet or, you know, keep a stiff upper lip. And we shouldn't actually, you know, it's just life. It is what it is. We need to soldier on and not really question what that means for ourselves and how that actually impact and affect us.

[00:02:41] And so I'd like to talk to, you know, a friend of mine, her name's Robyn, um, where this has been a major theme in her journey and has been a major, you know, impact and influence in her life. Um, like I said, you know, if I look at it, if I look at my perspective on this topic of, you know, repressing, suppressing, ignoring, blocking trauma, um, and how it's affected me, you know, there's always a story I tell where it's not my proudest moment.

[00:03:16] It's not mine. You know, it's not way, um, displaying the best Cherize, um, not at the best version of myself, but I was, I was, you know, I, it was a time in my life where I had gone through a very devastating relationship. Um, I was in this relationship for eight years on and off and this relationship was marked by, you know, incessant and consistent cheating.

[00:03:49] Um, I wouldn't say emotional and verbal abuse. Um, you know, it was, it was just a relationship that on the whole didn’t serve me, but because of the point that I was at in my own journey and we are, was with myself, you know, I had very low self-esteem. I didn't, you know, I thought that a lot of what was going on in the relationship was my fault.

[00:04:18] Um, and so I, I didn't really pay it much attention. I didn't really, you know, think that it was something. That needed to be dealt with. It was rather, you know, something that I was causing. And so not only was I not dealing with the events that were, you know, that were playing out in my relationship and how that was affecting me, but I was also adding another layer of kind of self critique, self hate, self blame.

[00:04:53] All of these things impacting the