In the spring of 2020, I got a letter. It was, quite possibly, the worse letter I’ve ever got and I’ve had a few. It was full of bile and unhappiness, unfair and harsh. I recognised immediately that the letter writer was talking about herself and projecting onto me but that didn’t stop it hurting because I realised in that moment that the letter writer would never accept responsibility for her own behaviour and always make it someone else’s fault: primarily mine. So I decided to move out of her way so that, hopefully, her beam of dissatisfaction with life could be aimed elsewhere.

Projection is a defence mechanism. It’s used when people cannot bear certain aspects of themselves and project them onto others. We all do it to a degree (none of us is perfect!) but some people do it habitually and without ever looking at their own place in things. It’s the subject of this podcast where I talk to psychotherapist Ryan Bennett-Clarke about what exactly it is, how to recognise it and how to deflect it so that each person deals with their own behaviour. If you’ve ever left a meeting with someone feeling utterly drained and crap about yourself the chances are that person is projecting something not-positive onto you. You’re going to love this podcast, and I hope you find it fabulously useful in every day life.

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Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.

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