In this episode of Perfect Prey, I speak with Sarma Melngailis, author of The Girl with the Duck Tattoo and the central figure in the documentary Bad Vegan. Sarma shares her lived experience of sustained psychological coercion, how it felt to be worn down and re-anchored in someone else’s reality, and what the recovery process looks like after a relationship that functioned much like a one-on-one cult.

What we cover

• How coercive control can operate like psychological warfare and the tactics that make it feel impossible to leave.
  

• Why intelligent, accomplished people can become victims: the slow wearing down, mirroring, and exploitation of hopes and vulnerabilities.
  

• The parallels between cult dynamics and one-on-one coercive relationships—why isolation and repeated micro-assaults change perception and decision-making.
  

• The aftermath: public shame, misrepresentation in media, and the ongoing work of reclaiming agency, safety, and reputation.
  

• Practical reflections for survivors and protective parents: how to notice red flags early, the power of sitting with your intuition, and how healing helps rebuild boundaries and clarity.
  

Why listen Sarma’s story illustrates that coercive control is not about intelligence or credentials — it’s about a strategic, multifaceted assault on agency and reality. Whether you are a survivor, a caregiver, a clinician, or someone trying to understand how otherwise kind and competent people get trapped, this episode names the mechanisms, normalizes survivors’ reactions, and offers concrete ideas for protection and recovery.

Guest bio (short) Sarma Melngailis is the author of The Girl with the Duck Tattoo and the subject of the documentary Bad Vegan. She writes and speaks about her experience of coercive control and its aftermath, helping others recognize the subtle, insidious tactics used by predatory partners.

Connect with Sarma Melngailis:

• Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sarmamelngailis

• IG: https://www.instagram.com/sarmamelngailis

• Linktree: https://linktr.ee/sarmamelngailis?utm_source=linktree_profile_share

• Books: https://l1nk.dev/Sarma-Melngailis-Books

Connect with Dr. Christine:

• Protective Parenting Program: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/services/for-parents/

• Official site: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/

• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrCocchiola-coercivecontrol/videos

• Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.c_coercivecontrol

• IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.cocchiola_coercivecontrol/

• TEDxTalks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp2qByKOue4&t=24s

• Books: https://url-shortener.me/c/FramedBook

• • https://url-shortener.me/c/EveryMomentOfEveryDay

If this episode landed for you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it, subscribe for more trauma-informed conversations, and consider leaving a review — it helps other survivors find validation and safety.

— Dr. Christine Cocchiola & guest Sarma Melngailis

In this episode of Perfect Prey I’m joined by my friend and colleague Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, author, professor, and internationally recognized expert on narcissistic abuse. We dig into why coercive control feels like imprisonment without bars, how systems (including family court) retraumatize survivors, and what survivors can do to protect themselves and their children.

What we cover

• Why coercive control is often invisible — and why the myth of “free will” makes it so hard for institutions to understand emotional abuse.
  

• How victim-blaming and the DARVO pattern (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender) let abusers manipulate sympathy in court.
  

• The difference between milder narcissistic traits and the kind of malignant, coercive abuse that creates real danger and CPTSD-like responses.
  

• Practical, trauma-informed strategies for surviving family court: what to document, when to prioritize safety over “justice,” and how to protect your children while minimizing retraumatization.
  

• The “industrial divorce complex” — how systems and money can deepen harm, and what survivors can do strategically to preserve their safety and sense of self.
  

Why listen If you’re a survivor, a clinician, a legal professional, or someone trying to understand a loved one’s experience, this conversation names the harms you may not see on the surface and gives clear, compassionate guidance for staying safe and getting validated. You’ll hear clinical insight paired with real-world, tactical advice about custody, court behavior, and how to build a safety-first plan.

Guest bio (short) Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, and media expert who writes and speaks widely about narcissism, personality disorders, and relationship dynamics. She maintains a clinical practice and educational network focused on helping people heal from narcissistic relationships.

Connect with Dr. Ramani:

• Official site: https://doctor-ramani.com/drn/

• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani

• Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@doctorramani

• IG: https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani/

• Podcast: Navigating Narcissism with Dr. Ramani

• Books: https://www.amazon.co.uk/stores/Ramani-Durvasula/author/B00C2C5U0O?ref=ap_rdr&isDramIntegrated=true&shoppingPortalEnabled=true

  
  

Connect with Dr. Christine:

• Protective Parenting Program: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/services/for-parents/

• Official site: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/

• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrCocchiola-coercivecontrol/videos

• Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.c_coercivecontrol

• IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.cocchiola_coercivecontrol/

• TEDxTalks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp2qByKOue4&t=24s

• Books: https://url-shortener.me/c/FramedBook

• • https://url-shortener.me/c/EveryMomentOfEveryDay

    
    

If this episode landed for you: share it with someone who needs to hear it, subscribe for more trauma-informed conversations, and leave a rating — it helps more survivors find validation and safety.

— Dr. Christine Cocchiola & guest Dr. Ramani Durvasula