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Parenting ND Teens In Crisis with Katie K May

Parenting ND Teens In Crisis with Katie K May

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When a teen is in crisis, the behavior is not the whole message. In this conversation, I talk with Katie May about what she calls "fire feelers," kids and teens who are biologically sensitive, highly reactive, and slow to return to baseline once emotions get big. Katie explains how these kids often grow up hearing some version of "you're fine" when they are very much not fine, and how that repeated mismatch can teach them to distrust their own internal experience. We talk about why self-destructive behavior is often an attempt to make overwhelming emotion stop, and why behavior has to be understood as communication before it can really change. We also get into one of the most important parts of the episode for me: what happens to parents when things escalate. Katie talks about the shame and blame cycle, the grief that sits underneath so much of that, and why parents need their own support if they are going to stay steady in the middle of a crisis. We unpack the revolving door of hospitalization, what keeps families stuck there, and why healing is not about making all the stress disappear. It is about learning how to live inside a life that is hard and still build something meaningful, connected, and hopeful. Key Takeaways Some kids are biologically more sensitive. They feel emotions intensely, react quickly, and take longer to calm back down. Katie calls these kids "fire feelers."Repeated dismissal teaches kids to doubt themselves. When a child keeps hearing "you're fine" while feeling overwhelmed, they may start to believe their own internal signals are wrong.Self-destructive behavior is often a solution, not just a problem. It may be an impulsive attempt to make unbearable emotion go away fast.Behavior is communication. If the outside looks chaotic, there is usually something painful and dysregulated happening on the inside.Validation is not approval. It is a way of saying, "I see how hard this is for you," without reinforcing harmful behavior.Parents do not need a perfect script. Sometimes the right response is words, and sometimes it is simply staying present without minimizing what the teen is feeling.Beneath blame and shame, there is often grief. Parents are grieving the gap between the life they imagined and the life they are actually living.You cannot just remove a coping strategy without building something else. If a behavior is serving a survival function, there has to be a different way for that person to get through the day.The hospitalization cycle can become its own trap. Parents and clinicians feel temporary relief, but the teen often comes back to the same triggers without enough targeted support.Parents need real support too. This is heavy, isolating work, and families need spaces where they can talk honestly without being judged or panicked at. About Katie May Katie K. May is a licensed therapist, author, speaker, and group practice owner. She founded Creative Healing, a multi-location teen support center in the Philadelphia area, and wrote the #1 Amazon best-seller You're On Fire, It's Fine. With lived experience as a teen who turned to self-harm, Katie is one of only 11 Linehan Board Certified DBT Clinicians in Pennsylvania, the gold standard treatment for self-harm and suicidal behaviors. She equips parents and clinicians with practical, trauma-informed tools to decode behavior as survival and create lasting change. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book Here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube Channel 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): Tell the Story ➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet 🌺 Free Orchid Kid Checklist: Download Here Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
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