After a bit of a health issue, Mr Phil and his wonderfully patient writing team have dissected the first half of Eurovision 1973.

If you don't know what That's my Dog is, or were born before 1983, this might be a history lesson for you - it's better than the stuff you learn at school.

Also, who the hell thought singing songs in an airport was a good move?!

Contains mild swearing and several dodgy songs and haircuts!

After a small Hiatus cos of "Hospital innit" a now recovering Mr Phil guides you through the second half of the 1997 contest in a way only he can.

Explicit language, dodgy styling choices and bad singing await - and that's just from his writing team, let alone anyone else!

Welcome, welcome, welcome home to.... well... this lot of shenanigans!

1997 was the one hold over from last year when things took a turn but we're back with our usual brand of mental and nuts references that only 0.6 percent of you will understand, and that's cool, you're our type of people.

Contains explicit language and offensive Ralph Siegel.

Well what did you expect me to call it? ;)

I've tried to silence Corrine Hermes in this one and I think i've done that so we should be ok...

Though this does contain Tora Zo and a diatribe about Kate O'Mara and a cross channel ferry so... listen at your own risk.

Rated PG - but no parent would ever choose to let you listen!

Back to something near modernity for this one with a contest that is *only* 38 years old.... jesus wept, kill me now!

But not before Mr Phil and team have explored the first half of this damn contest...

And why yes, we don't like Luxembourg 1983, what makes you think that?!

Contains intermittent swearing and intermittant Corrine Hermes, sorry about that.

So after a slight hiatus for recovery, Phil, his writing team and a sharper voiced than usual Alexia ( Clearly she's been on the Lockets) finish wading through the treacle that is the second half of 1967.

For a contest that isnt that exciting, we've made another 40 minutes of listening pleasure. Aren't you glad we're here.

Warning - Contains references to shady characters with a criminal past - sorry bout that!

So, in-between panicking about his surgery and being bored senseless by the Joost situation, Mr Phil, Alexia and his writing team bad a call from Media's Lisa-Jayne Lewis saying " Do 1967 now" - and as she scares the bejesus out of us, who are we to disappoint her?!

Nine songs we've sat through so you don't have to and we've cast our eye over them in our usual manner.

Explicit warning - there are gratuitous references that the Eurotwinks may not understand...

OnEurope's Phil Colclough, Media's Lisa-Jayne Lewis and Mission Eurovision's Anna Ferguson chew the fat about the first Semi-Final of this year's Eurovision Song Contest, Hear us guffaw as we tell you, our European Children, precisely what we think of some songwriters efforts to entertain Europe on a Tuesday night in May!