On letting go and letting God

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The title of this one might be familiar to you this is because it comes from Alcoholics Anonymous among other things. It is something my mother used to say often about people she felt she could no longer support or have any relationship with, people who were essentially toxic to her personally. 

In saying this my mother meant that she was letting go of her desired outcome with this person and putting their fate in the hands of God. My mother’s own adopted son, my brother Ian was one such person. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for her to essentially turn her back on the son she had loved and raised from a baby to adulthood. But Ian was a toxic person. He probably suffered from schizophrenia or something, refused diagnosis and help his entire life and ultimately died of Alcoholism or the streets of Tucson Arizona at the age of 47. 

It is hard to believe that someone afforded so much opportunity could torch everything he touched to such an ignominious end but it is true. Ian was a person who thrived not on support and love like most of us, but on chaos. He would turn every situation into one where chaos reigned supreme and it was in this environment that he felt most at ease and in control. 

Hard to believe right, but examples of this type of personality are all around us. Donald Trump being probably the most successful example I can think of. For some the internal forces at play are so strong, so overwhelming that they will undermine even the kindest hand of support, even a mother’s love.

You may never have encountered such a person in your life yet and if you haven’t then you’re lucky. But i have no doubt that there will come a time in your life that you’ll have an epiphany. And you will realize that this person before you who you like, who you might even love, is actually toxic to your well being. I hope at that time this saying will come back to you and you will find the strength to do what you need to do to save yourself. You will need to cut them out of your life completely and in so doing you will say “let go” as in, in letting them go I let the desired outcome if having a relationship with them go AND “let god” as in I leave them in the hands of god. 

True narcissists, alcoholics, drug addicts, bad friends, bad romantic partners are all examples of people who may at some point fall into this category for you. In order to save yourself and your sanity you will have to be brave and set a firm limit with them. The best thing to do is to just sever all contact with them. When they reach out ignore them. If they ask for something just use the broken record technique: No, no, no, It’s ok they won’t actually miss you. You’ll be surprised how quickly the will move on to an easier target. You may miss them, you may mourn for what could have been. But that too will pass and you can take solace in the thought that you have left them in good hands, the hands of God.

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