Episode Summary

Jenny Marshall has spent close to twenty years in mental health and seven years in private practice, working with people at every point on what she calls "the spectrum" - from quiet, low-level dissatisfaction to something far more serious when it's left unheard.

In this episode, Jenny takes us back to the school reports that called her a "classic underachiever," through the acute eating disorders unit she walked into at 23 with no idea what she was signing up for, to the traumatic birth that made her, for the first time in her career, the person in crisis instead of the one holding it together.

We talk about the marriage, the senior NHS role and the M&S-stocked fridge that looked like having it all and felt like nothing at all, and why she walked away from all three at once. Jen also takes apart the stereotype of the older man with a notepad and a couch, and makes the case that you don't have to be falling apart to deserve a space to talk.

Show notes

Integrative counsellor Jenny Marshall spent her career being the calm one in other people's crises until a traumatic birth put her on the other side of the bed and forced her to look at why "coping" had always come so easily.

This conversation moves from an underachieving childhood to an inpatient eating disorders unit at 23, through a marriage and NHS career that looked right on paper, to the moment Jen chose herself instead. Along the way, she and Beth take apart what people get wrong about therapists, and why "not there yet" isn't a crisis point - it's a spectrum.

Themes

• Being "great in a crisis" as a learned response, not a personality trait
• The gap between a life that looks right on paper and one that feels right underneath
• Why therapy doesn't require a crisis to be valid
• The stereotypes that keep people from asking for help
• Choosing yourself as an act of showing your children something, not just yourself

If this one lands, send it to the friend who's always the calm one in a crisis. Leave a review, or send us a message and tell us what stuck with you. And if you're new here, hit follow - Notes from the Not There Yet is out every other Tuesday.

Key takeaways

• Being "great in a crisis" can be a learned response you don't recognise until something forces you to stop performing it.
• You don't need to be falling apart to deserve therapy - not there yet exists on a spectrum, and it's easier to hear early than late.
• A life that looks right on paper and a life that feels right underneath are not the same thing, and you're allowed to notice the gap.
• The fear of being perceived as having failed is often bigger, and more paralysing, than failure itself.
• AI and social media can be a front door into therapy but they were never meant to be the destination.

Find JennyWebsiteLinkedInFind the The Not There Yet Project WebsiteInstagramLinkedInSubstack

Episode description
Janine Isaacs spent decades as a high-level medical negligence lawyer and property developer. Then at 60, she staged a revolution. She walked away from a 23-year emotionally damaging relationship, retrained as a transformative life coach, and decided to find out who she actually was underneath the decades of clay she'd built around herself.

In this conversation, we talk about the Golden Buddha - and why we spend half our lives covering ourselves in clay just to survive. We talk about the avalanche, and how to tell which way is up when your world is shifting beneath your feet. We talk about age being a myth, and why 60 is actually a brilliant time to be a newbie. And we talk about the grip of the messy middle, and how you can find your way back to yourself just by breathing.

This episode is for anyone who has ever lost themselves slowly, without knowing when it happened - and wondered whether it's too late to find out who they actually are.

Show notes:

In this episode, Bethany sits down with Janine Isaacs - transformative life coach, former medical negligence lawyer, and someone who made the most radical decision of her life at 60 - to explore what it really means to start over. Janine's story is not about a dramatic single moment of collapse. It's about the slow, process of losing yourself, and the equally slow, deeply intentional process of finding your way back.

Themes explored:

• The golden Buddha - why we build layers of clay around ourselves and how to strip them back
• Fear as the driver - how people-pleasing and avoidance lead to self-erasure
• The night everything changed - and what it means when the walls close in
• The avalanche - navigating complete chaos without knowing which way is up
• Finding stillness - why doing is the wrong response when life falls apart
• Age as a myth - starting a business and a new life at 60
• Perspective from professional grief - what working with tragedy teaches you about gratitude
• Finding the gold - and why the gold is always love

If this conversation resonated with you, share it with someone who is navigating their own messy middle right now. And if you've ever found yourself making yourself smaller to survive - this one is for you.

Key takeaways:

• The clay isn't you. Everything you've built around yourself to survive can also be dismantled - by you.
• Doing more is not the answer. Find the stillness. Start being, not doing. Breathe.
• Fear of being too old is just another layer of clay. Your years are a qualification, not a handicap.
• Perspective doesn't come from success. It comes from sitting with other people's pain.

• You can't think your way out of an avalanche. You have to feel your way through.
• The gold underneath all of it is love. That's where the digging leads.

Episode Description

We often look at tech founders as polished, unflappable architects of success. But before Tracey Longbottom co-founded Forsyte, disrupting the legal sector with her high-growth AI firm, she was a self-described childhood troublemaker kicked out of her home at 15. Facing £40,000 of university debt, Tracey backed herself, built a staggering sales career, and eventually built a powerhouse company. Yet behind the commercial metrics lies a raw, unfiltered story of massive personal trade-offs.

In this deeply honest conversation, Bethany and Tracey unpack "Mulberry Gate" - the exact moment a luxury handbag purchase triggered a divorce two months after marriage - alongside the reality of the domestic power dynamics that shift when a woman makes more money. Tracey shares her raw experience with severe postnatal depression, the claustrophobia of feeling like a "vessel" during pregnancy, and why she proudly put her daughter into childcare at three months old to reclaim her mind and her career. We also dive into what it means to be a direct, ambitious woman in a male-dominated tech space, and why true success requires accepting that you simply cannot have it all.

This conversation is a supportive, un-sanitised hug for any woman who has ever worried that her fierce ambition makes her a bad version of what society expects a woman to be.

Show Notes

Bethany is joined by Tracey Longbottom, co-founder of Forsyte, to tear down the sanitised myth of the "perfect female founder". Moving from her working-class roots in Bradford to high-stakes legal tech boardrooms, Tracey reflects on how early family rebellion prepared her to break corporate rules, how financial independence shifts relationship dynamics, and the immense mental load of balancing a scaling business with motherhood.

Themes Explored

• The Roots of Rebellion: Growing up as the anti-authoritarian "black sheep" in a traditional police officer’s household.
• The Independence Drive: Viewing financial freedom not as a status symbol, but as the essential tool required to make your own life choices and escape £40k debt.
• Shifting Power Dynamics: Unpacking "Mulberry Gate" and the relational friction that occurs when a woman's professional success outpaces traditional marital roles.
• The Vessel Trap: Facing the loss of professional identity during pregnancy and navigating the unspoken realities of postnatal depression.
• Embracing the Underestimated Self: How showing up with curls and vintage fashion in male-dominated tech boardrooms can become an elite corporate strategy.
• The "Can't Have It All" Truth: Rejecting performance-driven hustle culture to acknowledge that scaling a business requires conscious, daily trade-offs.

Key Takeaways

• Financial Independence Means Freedom of Choice: Money isn't about luxury; it is the tangible asset that ensures you are never trapped in a domestic or professional situation against your will.
• Being Underestimated is a Superpower: Walking into an environment where people make assumptions about your appearance allows you to control the room the moment you display deep, undeniable credibility.
• You Cannot Have It All (And That is Okay): Trying to score a 10/10 across business, parenting, and relationships is a direct path to burnout. True sustainability requires choosing your compromises consciously.
• Reclaiming Your Identity is a Maternal Right: Choosing early childcare or opting out of societal pressures like breastfeeding are completely valid personal choices if they protect your mental health and autonomy.
• Sales is an Act of Integrity: True commercial success isn't about being a "hit-and-run" salesperson; it relies entirely on extreme accountability, building deep human networks, and standing by your word when things break.

If you are currently navigating your own messy middle, feeling torn between the ambitions in your head and the expectations of society, please share this episode with another woman who needs to hear that she is not alone.

Episode Description

To celebrate our landmark 20th episode, host Bethany Wright delivers the ultimate guide to the messy middle of adulthood, synthesising everything learned over the first seven months of powerful, honest conversations. Moving past the multi-millionaire overnight success stories that feel entirely out of reach, this special solo episode explores the real, day-to-day psychological transitions we all face when life looks great on paper but feels disconnected underneath.

We walk through the six distinct themes defining modern adulthood - from breaking made-up societal timelines and overriding our biological fear of uncertainty, to managing identity shifts and choosing human presence over digital validation. Bethany frames this phase not as a midlife crisis, but as a midlife awakening. This episode is for anyone who has ever done well on paper but found themselves asking: Is this really the life I want?

Episode Summary

In this special 20th milestone episode, Bethany reflects on the first seven months of Notes from the Not There Yet Project. Sharing the raw story of her own emotional breakdown in Scotland that catalysed this platform, she maps out the collective wisdom gathered from 19 past conversations. This solo episode reframes the messy middle as an ongoing, evolving journey through adulthood, offering a strategic toolkit to help you navigate pivots with clarity and intention.

Themes Explored

• Theme 1: Timelines & The Rules We Break – Recognising that traditional milestones are utterly made up and that it is never too late to retrain or start over.
• Theme 2: Tearing Up the Script – Understanding the neuroscience behind our fear of uncertainty and entering the highly creative "Neutral Zone".
• Theme 3: Identity - The Loss and Rebirth – Moving past identity foreclosure and utilising the "portfolio approach" to diversify self-worth across values and interests.
• Theme 4: Choosing Your Own Path – Rejecting the philosophical trap of living in "Bad Faith" to slow down and protect what actually matters.
• Theme 5: Redefining Success – Realizing your ladder of ambition might be leaning against the wrong wall and trading grand metrics for daily acts of aligned bravery.
• Theme 6: Community is Everything – Dropping the isolated "I'm fine" mask and prioritising human presence over digital validation.

If this conversation resonates with your current chapter, please share it with a friend navigating their own messy middle - let us stop navigating this space alone.

Key Takeaways

• The Milestones Are Made Up: You cannot hold yourself to outdated societal schedules anymore; you are never the wrong age to begin again.
• Fear is Biological, Not Factual: When you introduce uncertainty, your brain's amygdala treats it as an immediate threat—navigating transition requires consciously overriding our biology.
• Diversify Your Sense of Self: Pinned worth on a single role makes your identity incredibly fragile; use a portfolio approach across your values and interests.
• Deceleration Signifies Clarity: Choosing your own path isn't about moving faster; it is about having the courage to slow down and protect depth over constant output.
• Check Your Ladder: We often spend the first half of our lives climbing the ladder of success, only to realize at the top that it is leaning against the completely wrong wall.

In this episode, we talk to Lou Desborough, founder of Cosmic Kinship, about her transition from a 25-year career in design to becoming a professional astrologer. Lou shares the raw reality of navigating the "messy middle" - balancing the grief of losing a parent with the demands of motherhood and the internal "chatter" that tells us we aren't good enough to pivot.

We explore astrology as "The Mirror in the Sky" - a language for self-understanding that helps us navigate identity shifts and understand the "default settings" of those we love.

This episode is for you if:

• You feel like your life looks "perfect on paper" but feels unsettled underneath.
• You are navigating a career pivot or a "beginner" phase in midlife.
• You are curious about how ancient tools can provide modern clarity.

Episode Show Notes

Lou Desborough joins Bethany to discuss the "slow eroding" of her identity in her early 40s and how astrology provided the language she needed to rebuild. From the grit of the design industry to the depth of birth charts, Lou explores how we can use our "blueprint" to find balance and grace in the juggle of adulthood.

Themes Explored:

The "Sliding Doors" of Career: Navigating the path from Art School to professional astrology.

Grief as a Catalyst: How the vulnerability of a parent's illness puts professional "deadlines" into perspective.

The Perfectionism Trap: Moving from "1000% effort" to the mantra of "done is better than perfect".

Parenting without a Manual: Using astrology to recognize the innate nature of our children rather than trying to change them.

Key takeaways

• Astrology is a Language, Not a Sentence: It reflects our potential and patterns; it doesn't dictate a fixed destiny.
• The Cosmos as a Mirror: Planetary movements reflect our internal state, offering a way to look inward. Done is
• Better than Perfect: In transitions, the need for 1000% perfection can be a shackle; sometimes, simply "doing" is the breakthrough.
• Accepting the Juggle: It’s okay to run two careers side-by-side while you build your dream; the "limbo" is part of the process.

If this conversation resonates, share it with someone navigating their own messy middle.

Connect with Lou Desborough:Website: cosmickinship.comInstagram: @cosmic__kinshipConnect with The Not There Yet Project:Subscribe to our the newsletterRead the Reflections on Substack.Follow on Instagram: @TheNotThereYetProject

Episode Summary

Carla Bentele, designer and founder of All About Me, shares her journey from navigating redundancy in the London fashion world to reclaiming her creativity in the North. We explore the reality of losing a professional identity you loved, the "deathbed" perspective that helped her take a leap, and how she built a brand rooted in mindfulness and community.

Show Notes: An honest conversation about ambition, creativity, and learning to build a life that actually fits who you are.

Themes Explored:

• Redundancy and Identity: What happens when the job you built your life around disappears.
• The "Deathbed" Perspective: Using a long-term view to make brave short-term decisions.
• Starting Again: The reality of launching a business while navigating motherhood and a new area.
• Manifestation: How vision boards and belief can guide your next chapter.

If this conversation resonates, share it with someone navigating their own messy middle.

Episode Description

Emma Husband is a Financial Planner, business owner and mum - but her story didn’t begin with a clear plan.

In this conversation, Emma shares what it looked like to spend years feeling quietly unfulfilled, to question everything during maternity leave, and to retrain as a financial adviser in her mid-30s while navigating grief, motherhood and self-doubt.

We also explore her relationship with money - how it shaped her confidence, why so many women feel “behind”, and what it means to finally feel in control of your finances.

It’s a conversation about identity, money, and slowly realising that nothing has gone wrong.

This episode is for anyone who feels like they should have figured things out by now… but hasn’t.

Show Notes

Emma Husband, Financial Planner and Founder, shares her journey from a stable corporate career in health insurance to retraining as a financial advisor in her mid-30s.

What began as a sense that something wasn’t quite right grew into a life-changing shift - shaped by motherhood, grief, and a desire to build a life (and career) that actually fit.

Themes explored:

• Feeling “behind” in your 30s (career + money)
• The dissatisfaction with a life that looks fine
• Motherhood as a catalyst for change
• Starting again as a financial adviser
• Grief, pressure and rebuilding identity
• Women, money and financial confidence
• Redefining success on your own terms

If this conversation resonates, share it with someone who might need the reminder that they’re not behind - just in the middle of things.

Key takeaways

• Feeling behind - in life or money - doesn’t mean you’ve failed
• You don’t need a perfect financial plan to start again
• Money confidence is learned, not something you’re born with
• Growth rarely happens in clean, controlled conditions
• You’re allowed to change direction, even if your life looks “fine”
• Nothing has gone wrong — you’re just still figuring things out

Find out more or share your story.

Not lost, not arrived, just not there yet.

Episode Description

Kimberley Ford has rebuilt her life more than once. From finance to acting, from acting to directing, and eventually founding her own filmmaking business - her path hasn’t followed a straight line.

But underneath all of it is a feeling many people quietly carry: being the wrong age. Too early. Too late. Too old to start again. Too young to be taken seriously.

In this conversation, we explore identity, reinvention, and what it means to move forward even when your timing doesn’t seem to make sense on paper.

This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt behind, out of place, or unsure if it’s too late to begin again.

Show notes

Kimberley Ford’s journey is one of starting again - not once, but multiple times. From leaving a stable career in finance, to navigating the uncertainty of acting, to returning to education in her late 30s and building a business that feels aligned. At the centre of it all is a feeling many people recognise: being the “wrong age.” This conversation explores how that feeling doesn’t mean you’re behind - it might mean you’re still in the middle of things.

• Feeling like the wrong age at different stages of life
• Leaving stability to follow something uncertain
• Starting again in your 30s and 40s
• Navigating self-doubt and not feeling like you belong
• Returning to education later in life
• Redefining success beyond external expectations
• Choosing alignment over societal timelines

If this conversation resonates, share it with someone who might need reminding that they’re not behind - they’re just in the middle of things.

Key takeaways

• Feeling like the wrong age doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path
• You don’t waste experience — you build from it
• Confidence is often something you grow into, not something you start with
• There is no single timeline for a life that feels right
• Starting again doesn’t mean going backwards
• Nothing has gone wrong — you’re still in it

Links referenced in this episode:

• Kollab Kreate
• Kollab Kreate YouTube channel
• Not There Yet Project
• ‘Unseen Strength’ - Won ‘Northern Excellence in Directing’ award at WomenX Film Festival
• Grey Area (First Ever Short Film Directed at University) won Best film award
• Escort - Rime Suspex Music Video

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• Kollab Kreate
• Aldi
• L'Oreal
• Iceland
• Empower
• UCLan