Am delighted to be sharing this interview with the fantabulous Dr Emma Bede. We met online when we were both presenting at Online Events’ Living and Working with Neurodivergence Conference last year and she is SUCH a joy.

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Here are some of my favourite quotes from our conversation:

“These are the structures I need to have in place. I think as someone with ADHD, I think if I think of that as like, ‘Come on, you’ve got to do this every day for the rest of your life,’ I just get angry.” ~ Dr Emma Bede

“I’m not very good at forming habits. Things don’t become autopilot except for the really unhelpful things. I played Candy Crush once and I’m going to play it every day for the rest of my life. But for the helpful things, I’m never on autopilot, you know, I always need the reminders, the prompts, the visual cues, the apps, the habit trackers. But I’ve been gradually adding more and more things.” ~ Dr Emma Bede

“I can’t do all of those things every day, but they go in waves and I’m getting better over time at noticing, oh, I’ve skipped a few days of this actually. And I quite kind of miss it and I want to come back to it. I want to feel how I feel when I do that thing and that might mean that I give up on something else a little bit.” ~ Dr Emma Bede

“I’m saying to other people, ‘Well, that’s OK. That’s how your body works. That’s how your brain works. Let’s find a way to go with that. Let’s find a way to go with the rhythm of that.’ And then to walk out of the room and swear at myself for doing the exact same thing? You can only sustain that for so long.” ~ Dr Emma Bede

“If you’re holding a screwdriver in your hand and everyone else is holding a spanner, you can sit there for years trying to use it as a spanner and it’s not going to work. But then you go, ‘Do you know what? This is a screwdriver. I cannot do the things that those people can do with their spanners, but screwdrivers can do amazing stuff. I’m going to go do some of those things!’” ~ Dr Emma Bede

JOURNAL PROMPTS

As you watch or listen to our interview, ask yourself:

Let me know in the comments or by email – eve@selfcarecoaching.net

le grá (with love),

Eve

CHAPTERS

0:00–1:54 Self-care without punishment: the paradox of acceptance and change

1:54–5:13 Welcome and introductions: Dr Emma Bede

5:13–13:02 Ideal vs actual self-care: ACT, gentleness, and finding a rhythm that works with ADHD/autism

13:02–20:06 Self-acceptance, perfectionism, and “acceptance permits change” (including the screwdriver metaphor and RSD moment)

20:06–28:21 Support systems and boundaries: co-regulation, humour, cats and spotting capacity before meltdown

28:21–33:06 Healing your Younger Self: reassurance, being more of you, and not being a “tribute band”

33:06–35:35 Where to find Emma, book mention and closing notes

LINKS

Emma Bede’s website:

https://www.willowpsychology.co.uk/

https://thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

for all episodes and more information

https://selfcarecoaching.net

for free resources (including Míle Buíochas Mondays), more...