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Narcissistic Abuse & the Nervous System: Why Healing Feels So Hard (and Why You’re Not the Problem) | With Alea Coburn

🎧 Show Notes
What is the real cost of healing after narcissistic abuse?

In this deeply honest and emotional episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani sits down with Alea Coburn to talk about what it actually feels like to heal after growing up with a narcissistic and emotionally neglectful mother.
We explore the concept of choosing peace at the cost of aloneness, and why for many survivors, being alone can feel safer than being unseen, dismissed, or emotionally erased.

Alea shares her personal story of survival, including the physical impact of trauma on her body, experiences with performative care, and the moment she realized she could no longer stay in relationships that compromised her well-being.

Together, we unpack:
Why narcissistic abuse is so difficult to name
How shame gets internalized in daughters of narcissistic mothers
What “social invisibility” does to your nervous system
The difference between real care and performative care
How trauma shows up physically in the body
Why anger is not toxic, but a source of wisdom
Red flags in relationships that survivors often miss
The emotional cost of staying vs. the courage it takes to leave
This episode is raw, validating, and at times intense, but it is also deeply empowering.

If you’ve ever felt like you were “too much,” “too sensitive,” or responsible for your own pain, this conversation will help you begin to untangle what was never yours to carry.

💬 Key Takeaways
You are not too much. You were unmet.
Your body is not broken. It is responding to what you lived through.
Anger is not the problem. It is information.
Being alone is sometimes the first step to no longer being invisible.
Healing may feel isolating, but it is also where you begin to come home to yourself

🧠 What We Talk About
Narcissistic mothers and emotional neglect
Nervous system dysregulation and trauma responses
Shame, identity, and overcompensation
Performative care vs. real support
Physical symptoms of emotional abuse
Red flags in relationships
Boundaries, anger, and self-trust
Choosing aloneness as a path to healing

🔗 Work With Alea + Learn More
Alea Coburn is a truth-teller, pattern seer, abuse survivor, and advocate who helps women rebuild trust, intuition, and health after narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, and systemic trauma.
Her work is for women who feel unmet, unseen, and ready to reclaim themselves.
✨ Connect + Explore:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rusticpeach/
Website: aleatamar.com
Substack: aleacoburn.substack.com
YouTube: youtube.com/@aleacoburn
Self-Reprogramming Toolkit + Offerings: Available via her website
Live Event: Building Attunement For Her (2nd Run – April 3)

🔗 Resources + Links
Follow the podcast: Beyond Mommy Dearest
Work with Noelani: www.beyondmommydearest.com
Follow the instagrm: https://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/

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