Morning Crankers is turning up the heat — and adding a brand-new voice.

In the December 17, 2025 episode, Hans officially welcomes ROXXY (Foxxy Roxxy) as a new co-host, bringing fresh energy, sharp humor, and unfiltered commentary to the Morning Crankers chaos.

This episode fires on all cylinders as the crew breaks down:

• The hottest-selling Christmas presents of the year — what everyone actually wants vs. what’s already sold out

• National days of the week, because yes… apparently everything has a day now

• The most popular Christmas movies people are streaming, rewatching, and arguing about

• A bizarre real-life story out of Australia, where two men were caught smuggling pig semen from Dutch pigs, a case so absurd it may end up as a movie

• General Motors investing hundreds of millions of dollars to train young workers in the skilled trades to build the next generation of vehicles — and why this move matters more than college for many Americans

Fast-paced, hilarious, and unapologetically real, this episode blends news, culture, business, and pure insanity the way only Morning Crankers can.

Whether you’re here for the laughs, the headlines, or to meet ROXXY’s first official episode, this one delivers.

New voices. Wild stories. Real talk.

This is Morning Crankers.

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MORNING CRANKERS – “Space Dots & Stolen Driveways”

Hosted by Hans | Runtime: ~40 Minutes

A blues-rock soaked, caffeine-fueled rant-fest for America’s favorite lovable grouch.

The universe is officially trolling us — and Hans is here to break it all down with premium crankiness.

In today’s episode, the James Webb Space Telescope reveals mysterious “little red dots” billions of light-years away… objects so bizarre that even the smartest astrophysicists are shrugging like mechanics looking at a car held together with zip ties. Black-hole stars? Galaxy imposters? Cosmic pranks? Hans dives in with scientific curiosity and emotional instability.

Back on Earth — where somehow things are even dumber — people are literally stealing entire driveways. Not packages. Not tools. Entire slabs of concrete. Whole parking surfaces. Vanished. A new era of criminal innovation nobody asked for.

Plus:

• A ghost hunter goes searching for spirits and finds a real corpse instead

• A compilation of crop circles, glowing sky faces, and Bigfoot sightings

• The world’s worst lottery regret story

• AI therapy apps telling users to “communicate with houseplants”

• A full rant on QR codes, self-checkout chaos, and why every screen in America is gaslighting us

• The NEW segment: News I Refuse to Cover (But I’m Gonna Anyway)

• Another round of REAL OR FAKE? where satire and actual 2025 news battle to the death

• And the Cranker of the Week — the bold, the brazen, the concrete-stealing geniuses of modern American stupidity

Hans is irritated. The world is broken. The coffee is lukewarm.

But the jokes are hot, the rants are premium, and the universe is giving us plenty of material.

If your driveway is still attached to your house after this episode, congratulations — you’re already ahead of the curve.

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Before the all-new Morning Crankers hits in December, we’re bringing you a special compilation of fan-favorite moments from the archives.

This episode brings together the best jokes, the wildest rants, the weirdest news stories, and classic Cranker chaos to hold you over as we finish retooling the show into something bigger, louder, and even funnier.

With Greg taking a temporary leave of absence, we hit reset behind the scenes — rebuilding Morning Crankers piece by piece to deliver the funniest morning comedy podcast on the planet. This compilation is a warm-up lap before the sprint. A “greatest hits” appetizer before the main feast that drops the first week of December.

Enjoy this blast from the past while we prepare a sharper format, brand-new segments, more energy, and more of the ridiculous, caffeinated humor you listen for. The future of Morning Crankers is already cooking — and it’s almost time to serve it.

New episodes officially return the first week of December.

This is your Crankers warm-up. Let’s get stupid.

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