Yee haw! Welcome to another rootin’ tootin’ ready-fer-shootin’ episode of “I Vant to Vatch Your Feelm!” Dang, will y’all listen to them children of the night? They make some right purty music don’t they? We got us some good ol’ ‘MURICAN vampires this week, ‘cept’n they don’t rightly call themselves vampires, do they. Nope, these here are Freedompires! Well, that’s what they should be called on account they’re all bit-in-the-U-S-of-A, homegrown bloodsuckers. We got us some favorites of that there James Cameron fella, like Lance “Born to Play a Vampire” Henricksen, Jeannette Goldstein, and F’in’ Bill Paxton hisself! So set a spell, have a shot of moonshine, and listen on up. Good eeeeeevening and yee-haw!!

Poll question: What setting/culture/genre would you most like to see vampires plunked down into?

We’re back! In this week’s episode of “I Vant to Vatch Your Feelm!” we are discussing that most terrifying supernatural creature: the Willem Dafoe. No one knows how long the Willem Dafoe has haunted the dreams of humankind but people everywhere are horribly fascinated by this creature of myth. In Japan, he is known as “Dafoe Willem.” In France, they warn their children about “Le Willem Dafoe”; in Germany, peasants used to whisper tales of “Der Willem Dafoe.” Why is this blood-freezing creature of legend so prevalent? Why do so many superstitions tell us that he cannot enter a dwelling if there is a pink-painted Hostess Twinkie nailed to the door? Why does he fear an autographed copy of any Nora Roberts novel published before 1998? How does he subsist only on chocolate-covered escargot? We may never know . . . but we do know that he stars in this movie as a much less frightening creature, a strange actor who may or may not be a simple vampire, in this fictionalized story of F.W. Murnau’s filming of his most famous hit, 1922’s “Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror.” Join us and LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU! IT’S WILLEM DAFOE! Ha ha ha, gotcha!

Poll question: which do you enjoy more: supernatural monsters like vampires or science-based monsters like mutants or aliens?

In this week’s installment of “I Vant To Vatch Your Feelm!”, we’ve got a movie that’s got a certain level of Fame. Starring Catherine Deneuve and Susan Sarandon, and once again never using the “V” word, this movie follows two Scary Monsters, two real Diamond Dogs, if you will and their struggles with immortality, or lack thereof. Catherine Deneuve is a Queen Bitch and has set her sights on a real Jean Genie, Susan Sarandon. Susan, one of the Young Americans, can’t tell if Catherine is just a Space Oddity or something more sinister. Perhaps Catherine is running out of Golden Years and just wants Susan to answer the question: Is There Life on Mars? Catherine’s current lover, the Man Who Sold the World is going through some Changes that may lead him from Ashes to Ashes, and is no longer a Sweet Thing. But Susan is a true Rebel Rebel and will not go quietly. What is the ultimate fate of these characters? The answer can be found in this episode’s Sound and Vision. By the way, did I mention David Bowie is in this movie? Huh. Must have slipped my mind. Oh well, doesn’t matter. Let’s Dance!

Poll question: Are you a fan of vampires in movies? Why or why not?