Welcome to a special Thanksgiving edition of Matt and Craig’s Excellent Podcast. Do you eat turkey? Then you're eating something’s family. A turkey family. The laws of karma say you’ll be met with crippling depression after your last turkey bite, and it’ll hit you in the face like a bucket of leftover mashed potatoes dropped off of a balcony. In an attempt to shame you, a man dressed up like a turkey and sat, um, like a turkey (probably basted) on a metropolitan street corner. Some PETA protest or something. He’s probably still there or, for the unlucky, camped out in your dining room ready to snatch the turkey from your hungry little mouth.

Later in MCEP, Jenna Jameson, a highly decorated actress who’s starred in over 120 movies, is helping others rediscover their inner faith. She’s born again, she’s found Jesus, although a little surprising with acting credits like “Where the Boys Aren’t 17” and “Dirty Bob’s Excellent Adventures”. Never mind that she converted to Judaism in 2015. That was yesterday, like 80 movies ago! Cheers for redemption. Jeers for the possibility of a comeback tour.

There’s also our Worst Case Scenario chat, now called Matt and Craig Save the World. We’ll give it a different name in a couple of weeks and then change it again at the fiscal. Or not. The Final Boss segment includes Golden Axe, an arcade game that ruled the earth and destroyed communism.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the alligator wrestling, Hooters spinoff edition of MCEP. This is episode four, where Matt Bair and Craig Collins instruct you on how to survive a hungry alligator that’s trying to eat you. Have you ever been in the clutches of an alligator’s monstrous jaws? Maybe not yet, but you will be. It’s a rite of passage, making this a must listen to episode. Really. Later, in celebration of Hooters Restaurants extricating itself from Chapter 11 bankruptcy, Craig recalls a visit to a Mexican restaurant where the wait staff actually out-Hooters an actual Hooters. No, the wing sauce isn’t infused with a Carolina Reaper, but the employee attire does include visible thong underwear instead of cheeky shorts.

It’s a real place, not heaven.

The final boss segment features NBA Jam, the granddaddy of sports games at your local arcade hall. Boom shakalaka THEY’RE ON FIRE! Insert a quarter into an NBA Jam cabinet and artificially ball like Charles Oakley. Dreams do come true.

It’s Ep. 4 of Matt and Craig’s Excellent Podcast. Thanks for stopping by.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If you’re joining us for the first time, then welcome to the Matt and Craig Excellent Podcast. Find us on X (@MCExcellentPod), TikTok, and wherever else fine cutlery is sold. It’s excellent to have you.

At least the AI that’s replacing us isn’t the Skynet, nuke-all-humanity kind of AI. Then again, maybe it is. As discussed in the third episode of MCEP, tech firms are now shopping AI as real life, working people. Could you work in a room that’s been infiltrated by artificial intelligence and cognitive machines? Don’t look now, but your coworker is leaking fluid. We said DON’T LOOK. They can see out of the back of their heads. Literally. They're probably telepathically draining your humanity as we speak. Relax! The process is painless. It’s a gorgeous day to be cyber alive and thank you for joining the collective.

But first, Matt and Craig offer an easy to follow, step-by-step process on how to survive an encounter with a Mountain Lion and finish with the granddaddy game of them all in the Final Boss segment.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're shuttling to the airport in a selected taxicab. You’re feeling calm, serene even, as you move further and further away from the stressors of everyday life. Then boom. The unthinkable.

Your cab mate starts having a baby.

This would be fine if you were a doctor, but you’re not a doctor and neither is the taxi driver. What do you do? First, you panic. Get that out of the way early. Second?

You know what second is. Oh yeah. It’s time to roll up the sleeves and experience the miracle of childbirth. It’s time to play doctor. Or something like that. Wait. The good news? You’re not alone. Matt and Craig, two childless, middle-aged men offer an easy to follow, step by step process that’ll make your first attempt at catalyzing childbirth a thrilling, no holds barred kidsfest just short of a bouncy house. It’ll be a rewarding experience for all involved. Everyone will have fun.

Later, Craig continues his resurgence into gym life while coping with various “distractions” as a married man. Finally, the fellas come full circle in the Final Boss segment by reminiscing about the quarter consuming, taxi flipping arcade gem, Crazy Taxi.

It’s episode two of MCEP, baby. Tell all of your friends.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the first episode to clear standards and get published. Years from now, it’ll be sold at an auction house for hundreds of thousands of dollars. Probably at Sotheby’s or somewhere really high end like that. Download it now. It’s an investment into your financial future that’s better than crypto.

In this episode, we talk about proper form while leaping from a moving motorcycle into a moving car. Knowing the process is like knowing a few phrases of Latin. Useful? Not at all, but great for an ice breaker at your next black tie event. Later, Craig discusses his triumphant return to weight training while spending hundreds of dollars on a hunky personal trainer for his wife. They also learn that their phones are giving them hemorrhoids. The news is startling.

Finally, in our Final Boss segment, our two-middle aged, classic gamers review NARC, a fantastic arcade game where you arrest drug overlords by firing grenade launchers at their heads. You're also dressed like characters from Tron, making this a true find from the golden age of gaming.

Again, welcome to MCEP. Find us on X at @MCExcellentPod and your favorite podcast provider.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Join hosts Matt Bair and Craig Collins for the Matt and Craig Excellent Podcast, where two middle-aged men with no kids offer their unique and unfiltered perspective on... well, everything.

What do you get when you pair a "decorated traffic reporter" with a guy who occasionally fills in on the radio? You get a hilarious mix of life skills, self-deprecating humor, and the kind of conversations that can only happen when there are no kids around to interrupt. From teaching you how to jump out of a speeding car (hypothetically, of course) to navigating the single life, Matt and Craig are on a mission to make you laugh, teach you something you didn't know you needed, and probably embarrass themselves in the process.

Tune in every week for your dose of humor and questionable advice. It's the podcast that proves you don't need to have it all figured out to have a great time.

Subscribe now and get ready for an excellent adventure.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.