Ep. 105 How to speak up for yourself

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

Why is it a good idea to think about your role in the problem when you’re mad at someone?

How do you decide whether to try to solve a problem on your own or get a grown-up involved?

What does assertiveness mean? Why does it matter in a friendship?

When you’re mad at a friend, why is it important to ask for what you want them to do from now on?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 96 - Dealing with a bossy friend (Grace, Age 9)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/dealing-with-a-bossy-friend-grace

Ep. 93 - Not invited to the party! (Alice, Age 6)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep93-alice-age-6-not-invited-to-a-party

Ep. 89 - Getting in trouble (Noah, Age 7)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep89-noah-age-7-getting-in-trouble

Ep. 104 Pretend fighting vs. real fighting

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Play fighting or rough-and-tumble play can come in many forms: wrestling, tag, pretend sword fights, snowball fights… How do you feel about those? Why do some kids like play fighting?

- What are some differences between play fighting and real fighting?

- What are some good reasons to talk about a problem with a friend when it’s actually happening? What are some good reasons for discussing a problem at a neutral time, when it’s not happening?

- How and why should your goal shift if you’ve asked a kid to stop doing something, but they don’t stop? (HINT: What should you focus on, instead?)

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 99 - Best friend makes a big mistake! (Rosetta, Age 5)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep99-best-friend-makes-a-big-mistake-rosetta-age5

Ep. 74 - Friend hits her! (Aubrey, Age 6)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep74-aubrey-age-6-friend-hits-her

Ep. 70 - Knowing when and how to stop (Owen, Age 8)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep70-owen-age-8-stop-signals

Ep. 103 - Dealing with Nosy Friends

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Would you ever want to try phone booth stuffing? Why or why not?

- Why is it a good idea to discuss a problem with a friend privately (with just the two of you)? (Hint: how might “audience participation” make the situation worse?)

- Why do you think kids sometimes talk to a friend about a conflict they’re having with someone else? What are some ways that might be helpful? How could this make the problem worse?

- Who do you confide in when you feel overwhelmed by a conflict or other problem?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 83 - One friend feels left out (Eloise, Age 8)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/eloise-age-8-fights-with-close-friends

Ep. 78 - How to confront a friend

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep78-how-to-confront-a-friend

Ep. 73 - Best friend suddenly stops playing with him (J.J., Age 11)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep73-jj-age-11-best-friend-stops-playing-with-him

Re-release of Ep. 13 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: Friend doesn't want her to have other friends (Mara, Age 9)

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Have you ever had an Octopus friend, someone who wanted to keep you all to themselves? How did you handle it?

- Why do you think trying to hold on tightly to a friend because you’re scared of losing them makes it more likely that you’ll lose them?

- Have you ever had a friendship where you liked the other person more than they liked you? How did you feel? What did you do?

- Having more than one friend can be tricky. How do you decide which friend(s) to play with and when?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 84 - Torn between two friends who don’t like each other (Jennifer, Age 10)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep84-jennifer-age-10-torn-between-two-friends-who-dont-like-each-other

Ep. 4 - One friend feels left out (Thomas, Age 13)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-episode-71f

Ep. 17 - Balancing a best friend and another friend (Sophie, Age 10)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-16-sophie

Ep. 102 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: Why both negative and positive feelings help us build strong friendships

Aida wants to know how to express her feelings with friends. Learn tips for what is most likely to get a good response...or not!

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Why is expressing both positive and negative feelings important for building a strong friendship?

- What are some unhelpful ways to express negative feelings? What should you do instead?

- Use the “I feel…when you… because… Please…” formula to create an example of how you might express negative feelings to a friend. Why is this a useful formula? (Hint: What information does it give your friend?)

- What are some reasons why kids sometimes have trouble expressing positive feelings to a friend? Why do they sometimes have trouble expressing negative feelings to a friend? (Hint: What are they be afraid might happen?)

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 67 - Choosing good friends (Paul, Age 12)https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/paul-age-12-choosing-friends-who

Ep. 45 - Gets angry at classmates (Reid, Age 5)https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/reid-age-5-gets-angry-at-classmates

Ep. 86 - How to know if you can trust a friend (Sally, Age 14) https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep86-sally-age-14-how-to-know-if-you-can-trust-a-friend

Ep. 101 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: Finding the "just-right" level of friendliness | Friendship advice for kids

Adeline wants to know how to help a news classmate, but she’s also concerned about coming on too strong and overwhelming the new student.

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Why is it sometimes hard to be the new kid in a class?

- Why is it not a good idea to go to someone’s home and try all their beds? (Hint: How is that likely to make them feel?)

- What are some clues that you might be coming on too strong and overwhelming a friend? (Hint: What might the friend say or do to let you know this?)

- How is a conversation like a game of catch?

- If you’re not sure how a friend is feeling about something, what’s the quickest way to find out? Why is this a kind thing to do?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 82: Expand friend group without hurting best friend (Paa, Age 12)https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep82-paa-age-12-expand-friend-group-without-hurting-best-friend

Ep. 72: Making friends in a new school (Nora, Age 8) https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep72-nora-age-8-making-friends-new-schl

Ep. 70: Knowing when and how to stop (Owen, Age 8)https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep70-owen-age-8-stop-signals

Ep. 99 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: What happens after a friend does something mean? | Friendship advice for kids

Rosetta wants to know what to do when the girl she considers her best friend does something seriously unkind.

FREE quiz: Is Your Child a Good Friend? https://eileenkennedymoore.ck.page/e37dcc098f

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus articles for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Why is it important to tell friends what you’re thinking or feeling (even if you think it’s obvious)?

- What are some reasons why you might want to forgive a friend who does something bad to you?

- Dr. Friendtastic suggests thinking about two questions after a friend does something you don’t like: 1) What do you think is likely to happen from now on? and 2) Is there anything you could do to make the problem less likely to happen?

- How might these questions help you decide whether to continue a friendship?

- Would you enjoy having a sword fight with a friend using pool noodles? Why or why not?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 87 - People passing notes about her (Leni, Age 9)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep87-leni-age-9-people-passing-notes-about-her

Ep. 73 - Best friend stops playing with him (J.J., Age 11)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ep73-jj-age-11-best-friend-stops-playing-with-him

Ep. 28 - Dealing with spill-over anger (Avni, Age 11)

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-28-avni