Join Dave and Bethlie discuss as they discuss part 2 of thei 4th book in this series. Solving Marriage Problems by Jay E. Adams.

Part 2

Chapter 5 - More Unbiblical concepts about marriage

1. One’s priorities must change radically with marriage.
2. Marriage is a commitment to become a new person.

Chapter 6 deals with handling Stubborn Habits that wreck a marriage

1. A habit is dislodged only by crowding it out with its biblical alternative.
2. No change commanded by God is unrealistic for those who know Christ as their Savior and are willing to do things His way.

Chapter 7 deals with communication

1. Communication is essential for developing and maintaining the deep intimacy that God designed for the marriage relationship.
2. The Christian walk (subject of Ephesians 4-6) is not a solitary walk. Harmony in walk requires harmony in talk.
3. Mishandled anger is one of he biggest hindrances to communication
   1. Clamming up
   2. Blowing up
4. Truth may hurt, but in the long run it will not hurt like a lie
5. And truth can be told to another, if it is relevant and spoken in the right manner

Chapter 10

1. The parent-child relationship is temporary: God says it must be broken.
2. The husband wife relationship is permanent.

Dave and Bethlie discuss the 4th book in this series. Solving Marriage Problems by Jay E. Adams.

Chapter 1

p. 2. Husbands and wives must grow as individuals in conformity to Christ in order to be compatible with each other.

What this book is all about?

1. Marriage problems of all sorts.
2. Causes of these problems
3. Ways of detecting, categorizing, naming and describing problems in a biblical manner.
4. Ways of reaching biblical solutions to marriage problems

Chapter 3 - What causes Marriage Problems?

1. The basic cause is always sin. But sin manifests itself in two ways: in erroneous concepts and in sinful attitudes or practices p 11
2. Wrong living will be changed only by rooting out the fundamental cause in a person’s thinking. P. 12
3. Correcting organic problems do not make everything better. An organic problem may include bad attitudes to develop or cause a breakdown in communication. Correcting the problem does not automatically correct the attitude and the communication. Those have to be corrected separately.

Chapter 4 - UnBiblical Concepts about Marriage

1. The purpose of marriage is to meet man’s need for companionship. Marriage was designed to defeat loneliness. Companionship, therefore, is the essence of marriage.
   1. This is why fornication, adultery and polygamy are wrong. They vitiate true companionship because they destroy the intimacy of a constant, close relationship.
2. The Obligation of marriage is to vow to provide companionship for another for the rest of their lives. It is not about receiving companionship but about giving it.

Join Dave and Bethlie as they discuss the third book in this series entitled Books That Can Help and Why. This series they'll be discussing Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman.

1. About the author
   1. Dr. Leman is a psychologist and best-selling author
   2. He is also a radio and tv personality
   3. He is a speaker
2. About the book
   1. Dr. Leman says that sex is about the quality of your entire love life
   2. His book is a challenge to give your spouse the best gift ever—a sexually enthusiastic mate
   3. Not just a how to book but a do it yourself look at why to do it and how to do it better
   4. He writes about what goes on in our brains and in our relationship with our spouse and how to overcome some errors and also to use what we learn to our advantage
3. A few good points
   1. “The physical aspect will usually take care of itself if the relationship is healthy. If you decide to become sexually adventurous as a couple, you’re not going to do things perfectly, anyway; you’re going to fail, and hopefully, you’ll laugh about it when you do. Nobody’s sex life is such that every experience is a ten. You may have to be satisfied with regular eights or sixes and even an occasional three. P 10
   2. This book is written “to hep you understand what a unique and wonderful gift you are to each other, as well as the unique and wonderful ways you can express your love in a very physical and pleasurable sense.” P 10
   3. “Sex is part of a relationship.” P 12
   4. “Why do you think that God reserves sex for marriage? I believe that one of the reasons (which gets very little attention, unfortunately) is that good sex is not easy and it’s very personal.”
   5. “Abstinence doesn’t make the loins grow hotter, it just begets more abstinence.” P 184
   6. “We live in a world that glorifies youth, uncommitted sex, and bodies that require a ridiculous amount of self-serving time in the gym. Let’s turn that around. Let’s reaffirm the bodies of women who have generously and selflessly produced life for one, two, three, or four babies. Let’s appreciate those men who work hard to support their families and who don’t have time to stop off at the gym and lift weights because they’re eager to get home and play with their kids” p 238[‘;;
4. A few challenges from the author about reading the book
   1. One to you who are living together but not married - this book is not for you
      1. “If you are living with someone outside of marriage, I suggest you move out and start over. The two of you may still make it work, but if you can’t make it work outside of marriage without being sexually active, odds are that the marriage will soon fall apart anyway.” p. 19
   2. One for those who are uncomfortable talking about sex in a forthright manner.
      1. He is rather frank. So be warned!
5. So some good quotes:
   1. Good lovers learn to know their lover better than they know themselves. You’ve got to stop viewing sex through your perception alone and start viewing in through your spouse’s eyes.” P 32
   2. Great marital sex is about learning to love someone else the way he or she wants to be loved. p. 33
6. Some recommended chapters
   1. Learning to make music, the first night and beyond
      1. Very good for those about to get married
      2. Very good in preparing for the honeymoon
   2. For women only
   3. For men only
   4. 31 flavors (not ice cream)
      1. 31 suggestions for keeping your love life exciting and fresh
   5. Turning off the turnoffs
   6. Sex’s greatest enemy
      1. For women - weariness
         1. Chapter 14 is called “too pooped to whoop”
         2. It gives practical advice for dealing with weariness
      2. For men - lack of pursuit on the part of the wife
         1. A man wants to be needed and wanted and prized
   7. Sex in the Winter - about getting older and how to face it and handle it well and enjoy sexual relations as you do