Why does rejection feel so painful, sometimes even years later?

In this episode of Just Be, therapist Sophia Spencer unpacks the science of social trauma and the emotions that come with it: shame, humiliation, guilt, and embarrassment.

You’ll learn about:

• Social Trauma — how exclusion and humiliation can overwhelm your nervous system.
• Social Emotions — why shame and humiliation exist to protect belonging, not punish you.
• Neuroscience of Rejection — how the brain processes social pain like physical pain.
• Reliving & Healing — why old wounds reactivate.

Because the pain of rejection isn’t weakness, it’s your brain’s proof that you were wired to belong.

🧠 Referenced Concepts

• Social Pain Research: Eisenberger, N. I., & Lieberman, M. D. (2004). Why rejection hurts: A common neural alarm system for physical and social pain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 8(7), 294–300.
• Social Emotions: Tangney, J. P., Stuewig, J., & Mashek, D. J. (2007). Moral emotions and moral behavior. Annual Review of Psychology, 58, 345–372.
• Shame & Humiliation: Gilbert, P. (1998). What is shame? Some core issues and controversies. In Shame: Interpersonal Behavior, Psychopathology, and Culture. Oxford University Press.
• Social Trauma & Right Brain Development: Schore, A. N. (2001). The effects of early relational trauma on right brain development, affect regulation, and infant mental health. Infant Mental Health Journal, 22(1–2), 201–269.
• CBT & EMDR in Social Trauma: Lee, C. W., & Cuijpers, P. (2013). A meta-analysis of the contribution of eye movements in processing emotional memories. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 44(2), 231–239.

Why do certain relationships, or moments of connection, feel both comforting and terrifying?

In this episode of Just Be, therapist Sophia Spencer explores how your earliest caregiving experiences shaped your nervous system’s sense of safety, and why those early lessons still echo in adulthood.

You’ll learn about:

• Attachment Theory — how early relationships taught your amygdala what safety feels like.
• Trauma — what it really means (and why it isn’t limited to PTSD or “big” events).
• Emotional Safety — why warmth and connection matter more than material security.
• Intergenerational Trauma & Epigenetics — how stress and emotional patterns are passed down across generations.
• Relearning Safety — how therapy helps your body and brain update what love and belonging feel like.

Because before confidence or visibility comes safety — and that safety begins where it all began: in connection.

Referenced Concepts

• Attachment Theory: Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss. Basic Books.
• The Strange Situation: Ainsworth, M. D. S. et al. (1978). Patterns of Attachment. Erlbaum.
• Trauma: van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin.
• Emotional Bonding: Harlow, H. F. (1958). The Nature of Love. American Psychologist, 13(12), 673–685.
• Epigenetic Transmission: Yehuda, R. & Bierer, L. M. (2009). The relevance of epigenetics to PTSD: Implications for the DSM-V. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 22(5), 427–434.
• Amygdala and Fear Learning: LeDoux, J. (1996). The Emotional Brain. Simon & Schuster.

Why does being left out of a group chat or team meeting sting so deeply? In this episode of Just Be, therapist Sophia Spencer explores how the social brain decides who feels like “us”, and who feels like “them.”

You’ll learn about:

• In-Group / Out-Group Dynamics — how our brains form tribes through similarity and safety.
• Social Identity Theory — why our self-esteem is tied to group membership.
• Social Sensitivity — how past experiences of exclusion or discrimination heighten our “belonging radar.”
• Inner Belonging — how therapy helps you feel safe being yourself, even when you don’t fit the mould.

Sophia explains why belonging isn’t about sameness - it’s about staying connected without losing yourself.

Referenced Concepts

• In-Group / Out-Group Dynamics: Tajfel, H. (1982). Social Identity and Intergroup Relations. Cambridge University Press.
• Social Identity Theory: Tajfel, H., & Turner, J. C. (1979). An Integrative Theory of Intergroup Conflict. In The Social Psychology of Intergroup Relations.
• Belongingness Hypothesis: Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.
• Social Rank and Safety: Gilbert, P. (2000). The relationship of shame, social anxiety and depression: The role of the evaluation of social rank. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 7(3), 174–189.