In today's episode I am on my own.

Last week Toni Will left the next guest a question.

What have you changed your mind about lately?

Usually my guests get hit with that question without warning. This time it landed on me.

For most of my life I believed the problem in my relationships was the other person.

The partner.
The boss.
The coworker.

Different people. Same story.

Eventually something uncomfortable happened.

I ran out of people to blame.

This episode sits inside that turning point.

The moment where I started to realise that if the same dynamic keeps happening with different people, the common denominator might actually be me.

I talk about how easy it is to build an identity around being the victim of your story. How we walk around repeating the same narrative about what happened to us, who hurt us, and why things never seem to work out.

And how confronting it is when that story starts to fall apart.

I also talk about a moment that landed for me recently through a simple Japanese haiku.

Barn burns down.
Now I can see the moon.

Sometimes the thing we thought was protecting us is actually what was blocking us.

When the structure collapses it feels terrifying. But sometimes that collapse is exactly what lets us see something deeper that was always there.

This episode also touches on something that gets missed in a lot of personal development conversations.

Responsibility sounds mature. It sounds enlightened.

But responsibility can also be dangerous if you offer it in the wrong places.

If you start owning your behaviour around people who will not look at themselves, that responsibility can quickly be turned into a weapon against you.

So the work is not just about looking in the mirror.

It is also about knowing where it is safe to do that work.

Because if only one person in a relationship starts waking up, the dynamic often cannot survive the shift.

We do not solve it.

We sit inside the discomfort of recognising our own patterns, our own ego, and the ways we keep repeating the same story.

The question I leave for the next guest is this.

Have you ever admitted you were wrong or at fault in a relationship and had it used as a weapon against you?

It’s You, Oh Fuck, It’s ME In Session with a Psychotherapist
Hosted by Chad Taylor

No tips.
No fixing.
Just real conversations.

You can find my book here- https://chadtaylorpsychotherapy.com.au/book-sales

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/chadtaylor.itsyou/?hl=en

Email- chadtaylorpsychotherapy@gmail.com

In this episode, I’m joined by Toni Will.

Toni is the General Manager of a men’s professional hockey team in Michigan. She is one of the few women in the world in that role. She is five and a half years sober, runs a coaching business helping high functioning professionals reduce or remove substances from their lives, hosts a podcast, and has a book coming out this year.

We sit inside pressure, identity, and relief.

Not as ideas.
As lived experience.

We talk about high performance environments. What happens when success breeds more pressure. What it means to be at the top of your field and still be human.

We move into sobriety. Not as a badge. Not as a moral high ground. But as something that can start as armor.

Toni speaks openly about using sobriety as protection at first. Living it out loud. Hiding inside the identity so she would not slip back into who she used to be.

We sit with the tension between pride and self righteousness. Between healing and ego. Between growth and performance.

Then we land on something deeper.

Relief.

Not just addiction to substances. Addiction to relief. The search for dopamine. The escape through food, shopping, achievement, busyness, validation.

We ask the harder question.

What are you actually trying to escape?

This is not a conversation about fixing addiction.
It is about noticing where relief has quietly replaced presence.

We do not resolve it.
We leave it where it lives.

The question Toni leaves for the next guest is this.

What have you changed your mind about lately?

It’s You, Oh Fuck, It’s ME In Session with a Psychotherapist
is a podcast about relationships, self avoidance, and the shit we pretend is not us.

Hosted by Chad Taylor, psychotherapist and author of
It’s You, Oh Fuck, It’s ME.

No tips.
No fixing.
Just honest conversations.

Toni is a Coach and Author and can be found at:

Website: toniwill.com (empowHER 2026 - conference, Rebellious Success - book)
Insta - imtoniwill
LinkedIn - Toni Lentini Will

You can find my book here- https://chadtaylorpsychotherapy.com.au/book-sales

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/chadtaylor.itsyou/?hl=en

Email- chadtaylorpsychotherapy@gmail.com

In this episode, I’m joined by Claire.

Claire is a counsellor, a mother, a wife, and someone I studied with. She understands this work from the inside, not just professionally, but personally.

We sit inside authenticity, over responsibility, and rejection.

Not as concepts.
As lived relationship dynamics.

We talk about the illusion that therapy is about fixing other people and the reality that it becomes a mirror. A constant confrontation with your own patterns. Your own defences. Your own subtle violence.

We sit with what it costs to be fully authentic.

Not the cost of hiding.
The cost of actually showing up.

Claire shares something uncomfortable. In trying not to reject her husband, she was rejecting him in micro ways. Correcting. Reframing. Telling him what he really meant. Gaslighting without intending to.

We stay inside that tension.

How good intentions still wound.
How perfection creates distance.
How taking too much responsibility can become another defence.

This is not a conversation about getting it right.
It is about noticing where we create the very dynamic we say we do not want.

We do not fix it.
We do not wrap it up.

We leave it where it lives. In the complexity of two imperfect people trying to meet each other without weapons.

The question Claire leaves for the next guest is this.

What do you blame your partner for but secretly it suits you?

It’s You, Oh Fuck, It’s ME In Session with a Psychotherapist
is a podcast about relationships, self avoidance, and the shit we pretend is not us.

Hosted by Chad Taylor, psychotherapist and author of
It’s You, Oh Fuck, It’s ME.

No tips.
No fixing.
Just honest conversations.

Claire is a Clinical Psychotherapist and can be found at:

Website - https://www.holisticcounselling.co.nz

Insta - holistic_counselling_cwelch

You can find my book here- https://chadtaylorpsychotherapy.com.au/book-sales

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/chadtaylor.itsyou/?hl=en

Email- chadtaylorpsychotherapy@gmail.com