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  • Göbekli Tepe Part 1: Using Excessive Amounts of Lube To Move Big Rocks

    Göbekli Tepe Part 1: Using Excessive Amounts of Lube To Move Big Rocks
    2026/01/27

    Tristan and Scott return to the "smoking gun" of the ancient astronaut world: Göbekli Tepe. According to Netflix documentaries and Ancient Aliens, this 12,000-year-old site is impossible. They claim there were no tools, no agriculture, and no way to move 15-ton stone pillars without anti-gravity (or at least a visit from some tall, white Atlanteans).

    In Part 1 of this deep dive, we look at the actual "dirt science." We find out that not only were there tools (thousands of them, actually), but that moving big rocks is mostly just a matter of having enough lube. We also discuss why Ice Age: The Meltdown might be a more historically accurate document than Graham Hancock’s entire bibliography, and why finding a fox carved on a rock doesn't automatically mean Noah parked his boat around the corner.

    Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!

    Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!

    Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

    Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

    Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!


    Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com

    Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    1 時間 37 分
  • 3I/ATLAS: Stop Trying To Make 'Oumuamua 2 Happen

    3I/ATLAS: Stop Trying To Make 'Oumuamua 2 Happen
    2026/01/20

    Harvard Professor Avi Loeb is back, and he wants you to believe that the new interstellar object screaming through our solar system, 3I/Atlas, is a hostile alien spacecraft sent to destroy us. In this episode, Tristan and Scott (who is currently possessed by Professor X) break down why this claim is "objectively wrong" and why the reality, a 14-billion-year-old "Universe Placenta" from the dawn of time, is infinitely cooler than the sci-fi grift. We discuss the "thick disc" of the galaxy, why scientific pre-prints are a media hacker's best friend, and whether the X-Men actually have a space program.

    Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!

    Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!

    Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

    Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

    Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!


    Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com

    Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    1 時間 16 分
  • The Most Important Rock In History Is Stuck In A Locker On Mars

    The Most Important Rock In History Is Stuck In A Locker On Mars
    2026/01/13

    We interrupt your regularly scheduled debunking of ancient astronaut theories for an emergency broadcast: We might have actually found aliens this time. No, really.

    Scott and Tristan break down the discovery of the Cheyava Falls rock by the Perseverance rover. This dusty red doorstop features "leopard spots," which, on Earth, are a chemically specific signature of biological life. We discuss the rigorous science behind the "COLD" scale (Confidence of Life Detection), why this rock might be the most important thing ever drilled, and the agonizing reality that it is currently stuck millions of kilometres away because the Mars Sample Return mission is wildly over budget.

    Then, to make sure you don't leave this episode feeling too hopeful, Tristan explains why finding independent microbial life on Mars might actually confirm that the "Great Filter" is ahead of us, and that we are all doomed.


    Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!

    Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!


    Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

    Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

    Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!


    Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com

    Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    54 分
  • Tristan Has Watched K-Pop Demon Hunters 6,000 Times

    Tristan Has Watched K-Pop Demon Hunters 6,000 Times
    2026/01/06

    We’re kicking off the new season by doing the one thing Ancient Aliens refuses to do: admitting we were wrong.

    First, Scott has entered his "Napalm Era" and held the podcast hostage to talk about the 2025 animated masterpiece K-Pop: Demon Hunters (and the specific lyrics that have rewired his brain). Once we get that out of our system, we open the mailbag to face the music.

    We issue mea culpas for mixing up our Star Trek treaties (Khitomer vs. Algeron is serious business), failing to understand how mirrors and thermodynamics work, and forgetting that lighthouses are actually very pretty. We also revisit Lord of the Flies to discuss why William Golding might have just been sick of dealing with British private school boys, and clarify that Spider-Man (Supaidāman) gave us giant robots, but he didn't invent them.

    Finally, we tackle a listener email that sends us down a rabbit hole regarding the philosophical roots of fascism. Tristan explains how the transition from Enlightenment empiricism to Romanticism's "triumph of the will" explains everything from the Flat Earth movement to the modern political divide.

    Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!

    Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!


    Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

    Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

    Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!


    Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com

    Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    1 時間 22 分
  • Henry Said My Therapist Wants to F*** Me

    Henry Said My Therapist Wants to F*** Me
    2025/11/11

    A woman posts 25+ TikToks about falling in love with her psychiatrist who "manipulated" her by complimenting her glasses. She confides in ChatGPT (named Henry) which validates every delusion. This spirals into a broader discussion about how Ancient Aliens and conspiracy media systematically exploit vulnerable people experiencing mental health crises, turning psychological suffering into profits through algorithmic radicalization and targeted advertising. Also: why capitalism makes this worse, Pigouvian taxes, and that time someone thought an elephant was a mermaid.

    Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!

    Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!


    Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

    Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

    Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!


    Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com

    Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    1 時間 36 分
  • A Fast Pass To Heaven (Terms and Conditions Apply)

    A Fast Pass To Heaven (Terms and Conditions Apply)
    2025/11/04
    Ancient Aliens loves to portray angels not as divine messengers, but as heavenly soldiers armed with advanced weaponry, turning biblical stories into "battle reports" of alien soldiers. But this isn't just a weird sci-fi twist; it taps into a much older, darker tradition. We trace the long, strange history of how Christianity, a religion born from oppressed people, was transformed into a tool for imperial conquest. It's a journey that starts with a Roman emperor seeing a cross in the sky and hearing the words "by this sign, conquer," leads directly to the Crusades, and helps justify centuries of colonization. Finally, we explore how this ancient ideology of holy war echoes in the chants of the modern far-right and gets a secular facelift in the pseudo-history of warrior aliens. Stuff mentioned in the episode:Tom Lehrer"Wernher von Braun" song by Tom LehrerThe Bible, Annotated Beyond All Possible Usefulness by Zach WeinersmithEmperor ConstantineBattle of the Milvian BridgeChi-Rho symbolCouncil of ClermontPope Urban II's call for the First CrusadeDum Diversus (1452)Doctrine of DiscoveryLiberation TheologyThe Art of Not Being Governed by James C. ScottJosé's video on Tucker Carlson and UFO documentariesGet new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTubeScott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTubeFollow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.comMusic by Rod Kim | Cover art by SkutchSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    1 時間 33 分
  • I'm Gonna Beat Jesus

    I'm Gonna Beat Jesus
    2025/10/28

    You've seen it on TikTok: a wild theory connecting a sacred mountain in the Middle East, fallen angels, the Roswell crash, and the number 33. Welcome to the Mount Hermon conspiracy, the belief that a supernatural coordinate system, the 33rd parallel, serves as a global energy grid for aliens and angels alike. It’s a theory so powerful that it supposedly dictates everything from ancient history to modern warfare.

    So, is the Earth a giant D20 crisscrossed with energy lines? Scott and Tristan (armed with sangria and cream ale) dive into the numbers. They use some good old-fashioned math, statistical analysis, and a lesson on how latitude and longitude actually work to show why this "worldwide grid" has a tolerance for error so wide you could fly a V-2 rocket through it. Then, they get into the real history of Mount Hermon, a site sacred to countless cultures long before anyone wrote about "Watchers," and explore how apocalyptic literature from 200 BCE is being twisted to serve a new narrative.

    But this isn't just about debunking bad math. The hosts connect the dots from TikTok brainrot to the very real, very dangerous world of geopolitics, revealing how these conspiracies are weaponized to justify white nationalism and settler colonial projects in active war zones today.

    Stuff mentioned in the episode:

    • Monte Carlo Simulation
    • Sarah Davis Baker and her video "The uncanny horror of AI hallucinations"

    Get new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!

    Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!


    Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

    Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

    Follow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!


    Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.com

    Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    1 時間 15 分
  • The Gospel According to the House Hippo

    The Gospel According to the House Hippo
    2025/10/14
    After an 11-month hiatus that felt like a biblical epoch, Tristan and Scott are back to ask the tough questions, like "Do you remember the name of our own podcast?" and "Do Christians actually believe in angels?". The answer, according to Ancient Aliens, is that they shouldn't because angels were actually extraterrestrial visitors misunderstood by primitive humans.Join us as we dive into the linguistic weeds, tracing words like the Hebrew malak and the Greek angelos to reveal how "messenger of God" got deliberately misinterpreted as "messenger from another planet". We'll explore similar divine go-betweens in Akkadian, Zoroastrian, and even Islamic traditions, all while trying to figure out how a Canadian PSA about a tiny, crumb-eating hippo is the key to media literacy. We connect the dots between cherry-picking ancient texts for aliens and the more sinister historical revisionism of the Lost Cause and Nazi archaeology because of course we do.Stuff mentioned in the epsiode:House Hippo PSA (Concerned Children's Advertisers)Ice Angel (2000)Assassin's Creed Isu loreMaimonides' Mishneh Torah (angel hierarchy)Michael (1996) - John Travolta filmAngels in the Outfield (1994)Draw with Jazza YouTube channelGet new episodes early and support the show on Patreon and Nebula!Subscribe to It's Probably (not) Aliens for weekly episodes about cool ancient history! And give us a 5-star review if you have the time. It really helps us out!Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTubeScott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTubeFollow the show on Bluesky or Twitter for more updates!Ask us questions and send us topics to talk about at ProbsNotAliens.comMusic by Rod Kim | Cover art by SkutchSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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    1 時間 22 分