This week on the porch, Hailey's husband has her on a timer, the kids are orbiting like satellites, and we have exactly 30 minutes before someone turns into a pumpkin.

We open with the Canadian wildfire smoke settling over New Jersey and the skunk situation — Hailey's stash had been sitting at Amanda's overnight, shifted during cleaning, and at 8am Amanda genuinely thought an actual skunk had woken up furious and sprayed the entire house. It was the stash. The kids didn't mention it.

We went a little viral this week — a lot viral, actually — for the parasitic diarrhea post (find us on the 'gram at momsontheporch!).

Then: Amanda's dad finding out she smokes weed via her then-boyfriend-now husband at a bar mitzvah. The toddler who fell asleep mid-tantrum, woke up at midnight, and picked up exactly where he left off because he still wanted Daddy's phone. Hailey's claustrophobia rears its head when the Canadian smoke blocked out the entire sky on her 5:30am walk. And Amanda's great New York City bike incident that includes wearing a dress on a bike and riding through a Pride demonstration, and Hailey's bike incident with a missed brake, and a full dismount into someone's front yard — apparently it's not just "like riding a bike."

Also: the kids crash porch night looking for fireflies, the bridge gets a microchip entry system, and we wrapped right on time.

Pull up a chair. 🌿