What is the healthiest food in the world?

A very normal question.

To which we have given a very abnormal amount of thought.

In this episode of We Need To Talk About Chocolate, we set out to do something deeply sensible and only slightly unhinged: rank the greatest foods of all time and work out whether dark chocolate can genuinely hold its own against the usual health-food royalty.

So yes, kale is involved.

Lentils are involved.

Blueberries make a strong showing.

Walnuts get quite a lot of praise.

And chocolate turns up wearing sunglasses and demanding respect.

We go through the major food groups, pick out the “GOAT” in each category, and compare them on things like:

• antioxidant power
• fibre
• glycaemic impact
• nutrient density
• heart and brain support
• and how well they actually help you function like a healthy human rather than a collapsing Victorian

Along the way we also discuss:

• why your body is basically a UNESCO biosphere
• why your gut is more rainforest than machine
• why chocolate keeps winning categories it has no business winning
• and why Andrew remains deeply suspicious of lentils as a source of joy

This is part nutritional top trumps, part chocolate defence case, and part attempt to answer a question that sounds simple until you actually try.

Is chocolate healthy?

Can it beat kale?

Is there such a thing as one perfect food?

And why does this all end with us talking about the Bristol stool scale?

There is science.

There is chaos.

There is a rainbow flag of fruits, legumes, alliums, greens and seeds.

And there is a suspiciously strong case for dark chocolate.

Watch to the end and then tell us in the comments:

What food would you put up against dark chocolate?

Because at this point, we’re struggling to think of one.

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