On “Her New Lens,” Tricia interviews Xanet, a sex and intimacy educator, coach, and author (and former healthcare lawyer/executive) who spent 26 years in a sexless marriage, left at 50, and then began a 15-year career helping individuals and couples rebuild connection.

They discuss how emotional safety underpins desire—especially for women—and how lack of safety, trauma, shame, and disconnection from the body can shut down libido, while men may feel emotionally safe after sex, creating a common mismatch.

Xanet explains what safety feels like (being heard without judgment or fixing), emphasizes that intimacy and sex are learnable skills, and highlights conflict repair as key to long-term relationships.

They address menopause and libido myths, noting bad or performative sex and “obligation sex,” and describe how new relationship energy can revive desire at any age.

Xanet shares guidance for singles on examining patterns and red flags, and introduces her books, “The Sex and Intimacy Repair Kit” and “Living an Orgasmic Life,” offering lenses of pleasure and vulnerability.

00:00 Welcome and Setup

00:28 Meet Xanet

02:13 Her Turning Point

06:08 Safety Drives Desire

09:03 Men vs Women Safety

11:16 What Safety Feels Like

13:28 Intimacy Skills Learned

16:38 Menopause Desire Myths

17:15 Bad Sex and Obligation

19:06 Long Term Connection

20:21 Attunement Equals Safety

21:15 Attachment Wounds Explained

22:09 Preparing for New Love

25:09 Patterns and Red Flags

27:37 Relationships as Healing

28:39 Pressure to Pick Right

30:15 Healing Takes Time

31:43 Inside the New Book

34:06 Two Lenses to Try

36:37 Final Reflections