『Illustrating Leadership Lesson: Presence』のカバーアート

Illustrating Leadership Lesson: Presence

Illustrating Leadership Lesson: Presence

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Some conversations are technically podcast interviews. And some conversations feel like sitting across from a dear friend, laughing before you even really begin, and then somehow finding your way into the kind of truth that makes you pause. This episode of Illustrating Leadership was one of those conversations. Today we're sitting down with Carolyn Robistow, a private practice therapist and group offer strategist, and someone who has become a very meaningful person in my life over the last year. Carolyn is thoughtful, funny, deeply insightful, and able to move from boat life to brain spotting to leadership wisdom in a way that feels both completely unexpected and exactly right. What stayed with me most from this conversation was not one specific framework or strategy, although we certainly talked about those. What stayed with me was this: Leadership is often less about having the perfect answer and more about being present enough to truly see the person in front of you. Carolyn shared about the leaders who shaped her, especially her parents. Her father, who after a serious illness went on to start a business, modeled a kind of steady, quiet presence. It was only after his funeral that Carolyn fully realized how many people he had impacted simply by showing up. He visited people in the hospital. He encouraged her cross-country team from different points along the course. He noticed people. He was there. Her mother modeled a different kind of leadership: activism, advocacy, and speaking up when something needed to be said. As a teenager, Carolyn admitted that this kind of leadership felt risky and embarrassing at times. Looking back, she could see the courage in it. Two very different examples. One common thread. Presence. The kind of presence that says: I see you. I notice what is happening. I am willing to be here with you. That is something I have heard over and over again across the seasons of Illustrating Leadership. Leadership is not confined to a title, a boardroom, a business, or a movement. Leadership shows up in the moment someone helps another person feel seen, supported, and part of something meaningful. And yet, presence sounds simple until we actually need to practice it. As leaders, parents, friends, partners, coaches, and humans, we often put pressure on ourselves to show up perfectly. We wonder if we will say the right thing. We worry about making it worse. We think we need the plan, the solution, the wise response, or the perfectly composed version of ourselves before we can enter the room. But what if presence does not require perfection? What if, sometimes, the most helpful thing we can say is: "I am here. What would help you feel supported right now?" That was one of the most powerful ideas Carolyn and I explored. Being present does not mean abandoning ourselves. It does not mean dropping everything, absorbing everyone else's emotions, or making ourselves responsible for fixing what hurts. In fact, true presence requires us to stay grounded enough in ourselves that we can actually be with someone else. Carolyn spoke about the difference between simply sharing oxygen with someone and offering attuned presence. That distinction matters. Because when we are swallowed up by our own reactions, our own fears, our own need to perform, we may be physically in the room but emotionally unavailable. We may be trying so hard to say the "right" thing that we miss the human being in front of us. That is where the conversation naturally moved into brain spotting, a modality Carolyn uses and teaches. In the simplest terms, she described brain spotting as the idea that where we look affects how we feel. Our bodies hold information. Our nervous systems respond before our analytical brains can explain what is happening. Sometimes, the work is not to think harder, but to notice what is already happening in the body. That connected so beautifully with the work I do around Positive Intelligence and saboteurs. So many of our leadership reactions are old protective patterns. The need to have the answer. The urge to over-explain. The fear of disappointing someone. The perfectionism that keeps us from acting until we are sure we can do it flawlessly. In Positive Intelligence language, we might call that the saboteur voice. It is the part of us trying to keep us safe, often using strategies we learned a long time ago. The invitation is to shift toward the sage: the wiser, calmer, more creative, more compassionate part of ourselves. And sometimes, that shift begins very simply. Feeling your feet on the floor. Noticing your shoulders. Taking a breath. Listening for the sound farthest away, then the sound closest to you. Remembering that you have a body. Carolyn offered a simple practice for leaders: find even one place in your body that feels calm, grounded, neutral, hopeful, or steady. Then gently notice where your eyes want to look when that feeling becomes more accessible. It is a way of orienting yourself ...
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