『PPP 521 | Neuroscience-Based Principles to Resolve Conflicts, with Dr. Jeremy Pollack』のカバーアート

PPP 521 | Neuroscience-Based Principles to Resolve Conflicts, with Dr. Jeremy Pollack

PPP 521 | Neuroscience-Based Principles to Resolve Conflicts, with Dr. Jeremy Pollack

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Summary In this episode, Andy sits down with Dr. Jeremy Pollack, a social-organizational psychologist and founder of Pollack Peacebuilding Systems, author of Wired for Peace: Using 7 Neuroscience-Based Principles to Resolve Conflicts. Jeremy looks at conflict through the lens of the brain and nervous system, which helps explain why disagreements escalate so quickly and why the fixes we reach for often make things worse. Andy and Jeremy talk about why de-escalation has to come before problem-solving, since solutions and stress do not mix. Jeremy walks us through his Sapien Model of six basic psychological needs, giving us a far more useful lens than labeling a stakeholder difficult, defensive, or resistant. You will hear how memory and prediction shape the way we read the person in front of us, what a team learns when its leader consistently avoids conflict, and why changing our experience of conflict requires new experiences, not just new beliefs. Jeremy also shares how this shows up at home, in marriage and parenting. If you're looking for a practical, evidence-based way to handle the conflicts that come with leading, this episode is for you! Sound Bites "The most fruitful relationships from what I've seen at work, at home, et cetera, are those that can weather storms without the real fear of abandonment.""That was pretty interesting to me to see how much of the science is telling us that, like, our brain is mostly a predictive machine.""Anytime we're in an escalated or emotionally charged state, there's something going on in our brains, usually subconsciously, that's tracking a threat or an impediment to our basic needs.""It's de-escalate first because solutions and stress just don't mix.""What I'm feeling right now is not a result of what the person's saying. It's a result of the way my body is responding.""I call it an experiential thumbprint. It's completely unique to you and no one else has your nervous system, and you don't have anyone else's.""If we have a negative experience with someone and we go into a place of fear or pain or anger or something like that, the way that we see them going forward can change very, very quickly, and it's a lot harder to get us to unsee that.""We access memories in edit mode. And so after we retrieve it, and when we write it back, it's not always quite the same thing, and that's always made me question not is that memory correct as much as is it completely correct.""All conflict is an opportunity for learning.""The threat of abandonment is the big thing to really watch for when we're having arguments." Chapters 00:00 Introduction02:27 Start of Interview02:35 The Family Cultures That Shaped How Jeremy Sees Conflict05:51 In Awe of How Much We Still Do Not Know About the Brain07:49 The Brain as a Prediction Machine09:55 The Salad Lady and What Sits Underneath Defensive Behavior12:45 An Introduction to the Sapien Model16:19 Why a Framework Beats a Label16:58 De-escalate First: Catching Yourself Before It Is Too Late20:54 When Our De-escalation Attempts Backfire22:43 Empathy Without Having to Agree25:03 How Memory Distorts the Person in Front of Us27:46 We Do Not Access Memory as Read-Only30:45 Joe, the Conflict-Avoidant CEO, and What a Team Learns33:03 Taking Inventory When Nobody Pushes Back34:53 New Experiences of Conflict, Not Just New Beliefs38:08 Tell Me More: Creating a Gap Between Stimulus and Response40:31 Peace Starts in Small Ways42:49 Interrupting the Pavlovian Pattern44:19 Bringing It Home: Marriage, Parenting, and Attachment47:17 End of Interview47:57 Andy Comments After the Interview51:57 Outtakes Learn More You can learn more about Jeremy and his work at CoachJeremyPollack.com. For more learning on this topic, check out: Episode 371 with Amanda Ripley. Amanda is an amazing writer, and her book High Conflict is a great follow-up to today's discussion.Episode 148 with Dan Shapiro. The title of his book Negotiating the Nonnegotiable sounds like it's about negotiating, but it's really about navigating the conflicts that suck the life out of us.Episode 61 with Mike Roberto. That discussion was over 15 years ago, and there are ideas from it that Andy still uses to this day. Chat with PMeLa You can chat directly with PMeLa, the podcast's AI persona, to get episode recommendations and answers to your project management and leadership questions. Visit PeopleAndProjectsPodcast.com/PMeLa to chat with her. Join Us for LEAD52 I know you want to be a more confident leader–that's why you listen to this podcast. LEAD52 is a global community of people like you who are committed to transforming their ability to lead and deliver. It's 52 weeks of leadership learning, delivered right to your inbox, taking less than 5 minutes a week. And it's all for free. Learn more and sign up at GetLEAD52.com. Thanks! Thank you for joining me for this episode of The People and Projects Podcast! Talent Triangle: Power Skills Topics: Leadership, Project Management, Conflict Resolution, ...
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