Episode 127

Sex after 40 can change so fast it feels like someone swapped your body overnight and nobody thought to mention it. We’re talking candidly about libido loss in perimenopause and menopause, sparked by a friend who asked us the question so many women whisper to themselves: “Is something wrong with me?” She loves her husband, she’s happy in her relationship, and yet she doesn’t want sex anymore, plus everything feels dry, sore, and exhausting. That single admission opened the floodgates for what we’ve heard again and again from women in their 40s, 50s and 60s.

We dig into the real-world reasons desire can disappear, from changing hormones (including the often-ignored role of testosterone) to sleep disruption, stress, and the relentless mental load that makes intimacy feel like one more task. We also unpack the emotional fallout on both sides: men reading “no sex” as rejection, women fearing they’re broken, and couples getting stuck in a cycle where even a cuddle feels like it comes with pressure. Along the way we talk about the unglamorous bits that matter: vaginal dryness, discomfort, continence worries, changing confidence, and why “just do it” advice can make things worse.

Most of all, we make space for nuance. Some women want solutions like lubricants, pessaries, HRT, or medical support, and some feel genuinely fine never having sex again. We ask what’s “normal”, what’s “okay”, and how to communicate needs without blame, duty, or shame. If this topic has been sitting between you and your partner, or if you’ve felt alone in it, come and talk with us in the community.

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