Domestic and family violence isn’t always loud, obvious, or physical. Much of the harm happens in the quiet — through patterns of control, isolation, monitoring, and fear that slowly shape a person’s entire world.
In this episode, I sit down with Ashleigh Chapman, a Specialist Domestic and Family Violence Counsellor with nearly a decade on the frontline, to unpack what coercive control really looks like and why it’s so often misunderstood.

Ashleigh breaks down how control develops long before any visible abuse occurs, the psychological tactics that keep people stuck, why leaving can be the most dangerous time, and the common misconceptions that prevent friends, families, and communities from recognising what’s happening.

This conversation is honest, confronting, and deeply human. Whether you’re learning for the first time or want a clearer understanding of DFV, Ashleigh offers insight that cuts through the noise and gives shape to an issue many people struggle to see.

If at any point this episode feels heavy or brings something up for you, please reach out for support — we’ve included relevant services in the show notes.

Support Links:

1800RESPECT is the major referral resource- families may contact the hotline and they will link in with local support services. Relationships Australia is where Ashleigh also refers couples for DFV related counselling.

https://www.anrows.org.au/

Hotline Power & Control Wheel: At The Hotline, our frame of reference for describing abuse is the Power and Control Wheel created by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, MN.https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/

What is coercive control: https://www.relationshipsvictoria.org.au/news/what-is-coercive-control/

White Ribbon Helplines:

https://whiteribbon.org.au/helplines/

Support Service: Confidential information, counselling and support service. 1800RESPECT is available for free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to support people impacted by domestic, family or sexual violence.

https://1800respect.org.au/

Australian Government Serviceshttps://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/family-and-domestic-violence