This week, Orla and Leanne discuss domestic violence and abuse. Leanne is an Outreach, Prevention & Training Manager at a domestic violence service in South Dublin, and brings her frontline experience to a raw, wide-ranging conversation about what abuse actually looks like — physical, psychological, financial, digital — how it hides in plain sight, why survivors stay, and what it really takes to leave.

Together they walk through the statistics (1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men affected), the intergenerational cycle of trauma, the exhausting reality of hypervigilance and "walking on eggshells," and the practical side of safety planning and support services. They also get into how modern dating — situationships, open relationships, age-gap relationships — is reshaping what abuse and healthy boundaries even look like today. It's a heavy topic handled with honesty, humor, and care, ending with a reminder: don't live with it alone, help is out there.

Content note: This episode discusses domestic violence, abuse, and trauma in detail. Listener discretion advised.

Timecodes:

• 00:00 – Intro: this week's topic is domestic violence; meet Leanne
• 00:38 – The many ways women reach out (helpline, refuge, WhatsApp, email)
• 01:32 – The stats: 1 in 3 women, 1 in 7 men
• 02:27 – Spotting the signs — a real-life example on a bus
• 03:27 – Internal coping and normalized abuse from childhood
• 04:19 – "It was just a slap" — normalization passed down from parents
• 05:06 – How people first reach out for help
• 06:03 – Living in chronic fear and constant risk-assessment
• 06:53 – Survival mode and hypervigilance after leaving
• 07:14 – Abuse affects every age group
• 07:41 – The 2014 study: relationships starting at 15, abuse lasting 20.5 years
• 08:42 – Culture, religion, and family "tradition" shaping the conversation
• 09:08 – Breaking the cycle — "boulders vs. pebbles" across generations
• 10:39 – Talking success stories
• 12:26 – Case study: a couple with clashing attachment styles
• 14:14 – Learned behavior and generational patterns of abuse
• 15:27 – Choice vs. conditioning — when abuse is a choice
• 16:11 – Childhood memories and the "house of horrors" hidden behind closed doors
• 17:26 – Ireland only began recording femicides in 1996
• 18:19 – Awareness campaigns: rural outreach and the 16 Days of Activism
• 19:06 – Psychological vs. physical abuse — "walking on eggshells"
• 20:15 – The exhaustion of trauma and constant vigilance
• 21:14 – How chronic fear changes the brain
• 22:50 – How to help someone and where to send them
• 23:43 – Safety planning and risk assessment
• 24:33 – Practical safety steps: documents, an emergency bag, a safe person
• 25:19 – Supporting someone who discloses abuse to you
• 26:04 – The podcast Leanne recorded in a nail salon
• 26:43 – Men, stigma, and asking for help
• 27:24 – Leanne's brother — a story about being protected
• 28:03 – "It's an epidemic" — why sharing this episode matters
• 28:33 – How many attempts it takes, on average, to leave
• 29:00 – Harrowing stories from the frontline
• 30:14 – Sacrificing safety to protect family members
• 30:57 – Watching survivors rebuild and grow
• 31:13 – Recovery is a long journey
• 31:40 – Free workshops and healthy relationships education
• 32:04 – How modern dating has changed — "seeing" someone vs. official
• 33:30 – Non-monogamy and shifting relationship norms
• 34:09 – Emotional safety in undefined relationships
• 34:35 – Dating again after divorce, later in life
• 35:14 – Age gaps and the "cougar" conversation
• 35:46 – LGBTQ+, open, and kink relationships — redefining what's abusive
• 36:49 – Advice: know who you are, don't settle
• 37:16 – Breaking the cycle for future generations
• 37:41 – Reminder: help is out there, don't carry it alone
• 38:24 – Closing thoughts and how to reach the podcast
• 38:49 – Sign-off