Episode 2: Being a victim, victim mindset, and how to be empowered to rebuild your life.

Free resources: coach.sandfalter.com

Transcript:

Have you felt broken after divorce or other heartbreak? Are you looking for hope, inspiration, and tools to help you heal? Then you've come to the right place. Welcome to from Heartbreak to Healing podcast. I'm Sandy Falter, a certified grief coach, mom and grandma, my own journey of loss. Once left, my heart shattered, but God met me in the brokenness and step by step I learned how to rebuild a beautiful joy filled life.

Now I'm here to walk with you. Each week you'll hear encouragement, practical tools, and hope to remind you that even in the heart of seasons healing is possible and your best days are still ahead.

Hi friends, welcome back to From Heartbreak to Healing podcast. I'm Sandy Falter and I'm glad you're here with me today.

Are you struggling to move forward with your life after divorce? Struggling to let go of the past and what happened to you In our first episode, I shared a little bit about my story going from those shattering moments of loss to hope and being able to rebuild my life. Today we're going to talk about being a victim, victim mindset, and how to be empowered to rebuild your life.

When I experienced betrayal in my marriage, I felt like a victim, and honestly, I was. Betrayal cuts deep.

It leaves you. Shocked, devastated, and powerless.

We need to be careful not to ruminate and stay in this space where we get trapped in a victim mindset.

For me, the problem wasn't the feeling I was having it was that I went from a very justified pity party to a victim mindset.

I was thinking in absolute terms. I would say things like, "I will never be happy again."

But let's be clear, being a victim is not the same thing as having victim mindset.

Victim mindset is when we believe that everything is happening to us and we have no power or control.

It's that voice that says,

Nothing ever works out for me. I'll never heal.

This always happens to me. It's thinking and speaking in absolutes.

It's understandable,

But if we stay in this space of blaming and ruminating about the past, we get stuck in these negative emotions of fear, blame, shame, and despair.

We also might start to feel entitled and self-absorbed. Sometimes with victim mindset, people get learned helplessness and their expectations change of what others "should" do for them because of what has happened to them. We give up our power. This is not a happy place to live, and those emotions are heavy and draining.

When we have a victim mindset, we're focused on the past and what has happened to us, and often blame and comparison are the roadblock to our growth and progress.

But the good news is when we can elevate our emotions, we can feel connection and joy again.

Every emotion that we feel sends signals throughout our body, sending neurotransmitters and hormones that affect the way we feel.

We don't want to live in this space of these negative emotions with all the effects they have on our body.

Let's talk about what we can do.

How do we keep from spiraling into a victim mindset after divorce or when we have become a victim? Every spring I have to clean my decks and my balconies. I live in the Pacific Northwest, and after a year there is a lot of moss that accumulates. When we moved into this house almost two decades ago, my home was full. My husband and I had six children living here, and it was awesome and busy and wonderful.

But you know the saying, many hands make light work. Well, on this particular Saturday, I was out by myself scrubbing and picking the moss out of the boards of my decking.

So as I scrubbed on my hands and knees, my thoughts started to...