In this episode of Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined again by Dr. Kevin Skinner LMFT, CSAT, CPTT to continue the powerful conversation on boundaries—this time focusing on what happens after you set one.

Because the truth is… setting a boundary is only the beginning.

What happens when your partner pushes back? When fear floods in? When you’re not even sure you can follow through?

This episode steps into the emotional reality of holding boundaries—the discomfort, the fear, and the growth required to stay grounded in your values.

• Why boundaries must be rooted in your personal values (your “why”)
• The role of homeostasis—and why change in relationships feels so hard
• The difference between rigid vs. flexible boundaries
• Why you are allowed to change your mind as you learn and grow
• What it really means to follow through on a boundary
• How to handle pushback, resistance, or defensiveness
• The impact of shame filters in the betraying partner
• Why boundaries often trigger fear of loss and abandonment
• The importance of differentiation—holding onto yourself in the relationship
• How to stay grounded when you feel triggered, anxious, or dysregulated

• Boundaries are not about control—they are about self-alignment and safety
• If a boundary isn’t connected to your values, it will be difficult to maintain
• You don’t have to get it perfect—you need to stay aware and adaptable
• Discomfort is not a sign you’re doing it wrong—it’s often a sign of growth
• You can be both shaky and strong at the same time

Holding boundaries may bring up:

• Fear (“Will this end my relationship?”)
• Anxiety (“What if I can’t follow through?”)
• Confusion (“Am I doing this right?”)
• Grief (loss of identity, loss of what was)

This is normal.

You are learning a new way of being—like writing with your non-dominant hand.

• Define your boundary by asking: “What is my why?”
• Communicate clearly: “If X happens, I will respond by doing Y.”
• Prepare for resistance—it doesn’t mean the boundary is wrong
• Regulate yourself before having the conversation
• Build support systems (friends, therapists, safe people)
• Give yourself permission to adjust as you learn

Boundaries are only as strong as the work you’ve done within yourself.

And even when it feels uncomfortable, uncertain, or scary— you are allowed to take up space, have needs, and honor them.

• Dr. Kevin Skinner’s work on rebuilding after betrayal
• Rebuild Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal
• Boundary Course at Human Intimacy: https://www.humanintimacy.com/link/9yNi7c?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.humanintimacy.com%2Fcourse%3Fcourseid%3Dboundary-basics
• www.youtube.com/human-intimacy
• Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale

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