Welcome to He Blamed It On Me. This podcast is my unfiltered story of living inside, leaving, and recovering from a marriage that went from amazing to abusive in one conversation.

In this episode you'll hear why I am starting this podcast and what you can expect.

Learn more at KayllianCollective.com

On our 15th dating anniversary, I sat across from my husband at a coffee shop and told him something completely honest: that a man had hit on me the night before, and I'd said no. What I got back was an accusation of having an affair. This is the episode where the story begins, and where I first learned that telling the truth could be used against me.

KayllianCollective.com

After one conversation changed everything, the weeks that followed were a slow unraveling. Every day brought a new accusation, a new reason to doubt myself, and a new version of me I didn't recognize. I thought I was a dedicated, loyal, trustworthy person, until someone I loved convinced me I wasn't.

KayllianCollective.com

In my marriage, saying the word "gaslighting" didn't start a conversation; it ended one.

If you've ever wondered whether what's happening to you is gaslighting or been told you're using the word wrong, this episode is for you. We're talking about what gaslighting really is, what it isn't, and why your experience deserves to be heard no matter what you call it.

Kaylliancollective.com

Have you ever done everything right and watched it fall apart anyway? I called instead of texting. I tried to fix the mood the way I always had. I did everything I knew how to do. None of it worked. This is the night I couldn't stop, couldn't fix, and couldn't protect my children from.

KayllianCollective.com

Can someone love you and still hurt you?

It's not a simple yes or no answer. In this episode, we break down the difference between hurt that comes from mistakes and hurt that comes from control, and why loving someone deeply can make it almost impossible to see the difference when you're in it.

KayllianCollective.com

What do you do when you finally have an answer but no idea what to do with it?

In this chapter, I'm holding everything together by calming the kids, talking him down from leaving, and convincing my husband he needed help. I watched him navigate the mental health industry that was causing him more stress. I called his mother when I had nothing left. I kept his secret because I didn't want to add to his shame.

I thought I was helping him heal. I didn't realize I was starting to disappear.

KayllianCollective.com

If you've ever tried to find a therapist and felt like the system was working against you — it kind of is. In this episode, we dig into the real numbers behind America's mental health care crisis: the shortage, the cost, the wait times, and why so many people who need help aren't getting it. You're not imagining it. It really is this hard.

KayllianCollective.com

Resource Links:

- https://helloinnerwell.com/reflections/mental-health-statistics

- https://bhw.hrsa.gov/sites/default/files/bureau-health-workforce/data-research/Behavioral-Health-Workforce-Brief-2025.pdf

- https://www.americashealthrankings.org/explore/measures/MHP

- https://www.commonwealthfund.org/publications/explainer/2023/may/understanding-us-behavioral-health-workforce-shortage

- https://www.countyhealthrankings.org/health-data/community-conditions/health-infrastructure/clinical-care/mental-health-providers

- https://app.projecthealthyminds.com/mental-health-blog/how-much-does-therapy-cost

- https://www.simplepractice.com/blog/average-therapy-session-rate-by-state/

- https://www.goodrx.com/health-topic/mental-health/therapy-without-insurance

- https://mydenvertherapy.com/therapy-mental-health-statistics/

- https://naswnys.org/nasw-nys-survey-analysis-behavioral-health-client-waiting-times/