Defining it:

Façade - A false appearance or outward show that hides what is really happening.

1.lack of self knowledge - we lose trust

2.lack of self respect - we deny ourself

3.Not being ourselves - we live life by acting / drama

4.Choosing a pretending life becomes an aimless journey

5. We cover our true identity.

Disadvantages of a Masked Life

Lack of freedom – You may feel unable to express your true thoughts and feelings.

Stress and anxiety – Hiding your real self can create emotional pressure.

Loss of identity – Constantly pretending can make you lose touch with who you really are.

Difficulty in relationships – Others may find it hard to know and understand the real you.

Loneliness – Keeping your emotions hidden can make you feel isolated.

Low self-confidence – Always trying to fit in may reduce your confidence and self-esteem.

Origins

Our façade may come from childhood - maybe from our parents, where we may have been told "you're not good enough" - and we took it to heart.

Then whenever we received positive feedback from our parents (maybe we got attention if we got good grades, were good at sports, or did service around the house) - these might be the same things that we look to do continuously to try to fit in and be loved in our adult lives. SO now we are:

-a high achiever or type A personality

-a giver / someone who is always self-sacrificing at the expense of others, etc.

Our façade is grounded in a culture of consumerism (you're not good enough if you don't have the car, the house, the clothes, the vacation, etc).

Marketers condition us to compare ourselves with other people.

The façade is the opposite of having a strong sense of self.

-this means we are always walking on egg shells in many facets of life:

-maybe we have imposter syndrome at work (so we never actualize / or show our true

potential at work)

-maybe we have no intimacy - we've never uncovered who we really are with the people

that we care about; so many of our relationships might be very superficial;

=there's no strong connection with people if we have not been vulnerable with them.

=this can impact on our finances - many people go and take out debt for the big car or big truck or big house or boat or other "stuff" that they can't afford - then they are putting themselves and their families at risk.

Can we self-actualize if we are not being authentic with others?

As we mentioned in a previous podcast, we can only self-actualize if our basic needs are met. So if we don't feel safe being who we really are, then we can't let our light shine; we can't pursue our own life interests; we can't speak our truth in work, family or social settings.

How much of the loneliness epidemic can be traced to people's anxiety about being judged or not being good enough.

Practical Tips:

Sometimes we have to lose everything in order to find out who we truly are / what we really value.

Going back to simplicity and uncluttering can be empower. See our podcast on Simplicity.

Start to confide in a counsellor, or a trusted friend.

Use journaling to uncover old wounds and become aware of them. We can't fix what we can't see.

Be yourself.

Accept yourself.

Respect yourself.

Use your talent without fear.

Stop being people pleaser.

Live with purpose.

Live a meaningful life.

Live your values.