Have you ever felt like you go missing in your own life to keep others comfortable? Fawning is an unconscious survival mechanism rooted in the nervous system that prioritizes someone else's happiness and demands over your own experience and boundaries. This episode features two fawners in recovery exploring how to break that trance, stop performing helpfulness, and start trusting your own internal compass.

Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a therapist with a PhD in private practice and the author of the deeply personal book Fawning. She works with survivors of complex childhood trauma and brings deep insight into relational trauma, healing, and the messy, slow work of learning to unfawn.

In this episode, Jay and Dr. Ingrid discuss:
► The crucial difference between genuine kindness or empathy and a fawning response driven by self-abandonment.
► Why chronic fawners often see other people's relational red flags as on-ramps to their own helpfulness.
► How clients, therapists, and coaches often unknowingly fawn with each other during professional sessions.
► How to tell the difference between staying in an asymmetrical relationship to do genuine healing work versus repeating a cycle of re-traumatization.
► The complexities of the "Let Them" theory and how it can sometimes embolden a trauma response instead of setting healthy boundaries.

Learn more about Dr. Ingrid Clayton
► Substack: https://ingridclaytonphd.substack.com/
► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd

If you loved this episode, please help get it to others by subscribing, rating the show, or sharing it with a friend! You can learn more about how to support Jay's work and the show at https://buymeacoffee.com/jaymoonfields

Grab your free copy of The Hey, Wait Phrasebook: 12 Things to Say When You'd Normally Fawn, Freeze, or Fight - https://yourstruly.kit.com/0be0a7d69c

Stay connected with Jay

► Website: https://jaymoonfields.com
► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heywaitwithjay/
►DIY Online Course to Support Unfawning: https://jaymoonfields.com/yours-truly
► 1:1 Coaching: https://jaymoonfields.com/coaching
► Book: https://www.amazon.com/less-lost-finding-yourself-ordinary/dp/B0FSDSG63B
► LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymoonfields/

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Credits
This podcast was produced by Viv – First Click VA.
For podcast support, contact: viv@firstclickva.com

For collaborations or general inquiries, contact: hello@jaymoonfields.com

Original Music produced by Dalton Grant