FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Date: December 6, 2025
Contact: Dr. Tactile McFeelerson, Supreme Grand Poobah
Email: touchMyFace@AOL.com
WORLD TO OFFICIALLY LOSE ITS MIND ON JULY 3, 2026: INTERNATIONAL FEEL-YOUR-FACE DAY DECLARED AT NFB CONVENTION IN AUSTIN, TEXAS
AUSTIN, TX – The International League of Blind People (ILBP), an extremely prestigious organization that was founded five minutes ago in a Whataburger parking lot, is thrilled to announce the launch of International Feel-Your-Face Day , a global holiday dedicated to the simple joy of reminding everyone that yes, you do in fact have a face.
The inaugural celebration will take place on July 3, 2026 , during the National Federation of the Blind (NFB) National Convention in Austin, Texas, because nothing says “independence” like thousands of blind people aggressively patting their own cheeks in perfect unison while sighted people slowly back away.
Why do we need a day to feel our own faces?
Because, according to ILBP Supreme Grand Poobah Dr. Tactile McFeelerson (PhD in Nose Identification, University of Braille TikTok), “Too many people are walking around completely unaware of their own facial topography. Cheekbones? Unconfirmed. Eyebrows? Maybe decorative moss. We’re fixing that. One aggressive self-pat at a time.”
Scheduled Activities Include:
- The World Championship of Face-Feeling (categories: Speed, Accuracy, and Most Dramatic Gasp of Realization)
- A keynote speech titled “Your Nose: The Silent Hero You’ve Been Ignoring”
- Guided meditation: “Close your eyes (you’re already winning) and rediscover the majestic landscape of your own head”
- A silent disco where everyone just pokes their own face to the beat
- Free facial hair grading (warning: the ILBP does not believe in constructive criticism)
Official Statement from the ILBP (which again, we just made up):
“On July 3rd, we invite every human with functioning hands to stop whatever they’re doing, reach up, and confirm: yep, still got a face. Sighted people are especially encouraged to participate, because let’s be honest, y’all touch your face 9,000 times a day anyway. Might as well make it official.”
The ILBP has already received enthusiastic support from three random people on the internet and one very confused Uber driver who thought this was about free tacos.
Mark your calendars. Set a reminder. Tattoo it on your forehead (ironically).
July 3, 2026: the day the world finally admits it has been taking its own face for granted.
Support Feeling A Bit Keen by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/fibk
This podcast is powered by Pinecast.