Introduction & Summary

Dr. Mercedes Okosi returned to the Pansa Pansa Podcast to introduce her newly published book to our listeners. Dr. Okosi is a psychologist and the author of a powerful new book, The Big Book of Boundaries for People Who Make Themselves Small. In this book, Dr. Okosi explores why so many of us struggle with setting limits, whether emotional, physical, or even with our time. She explained how reclaiming our boundaries is an act of self-worth. As the daughter of an African immigrant father from Nigeria and an African American mother, Dr. Okosi brings a unique cultural and professional perspective to this conversation. In this conversation, we discussed what inspired her to write the book, the different types of boundaries we need in our lives, and how assertive communication can transform our relationships. Dr. Okosi emphasizes the importance of assertive communication and understanding various kinds of boundaries—physical, intellectual, emotional, and material. The discussion also touches on cultural influences on boundary setting and the emotional costs of neglecting personal space. Dr. Okosi provides insights into how individuals can reclaim their space and prioritize their well-being through effective boundary management.

Takeaways

Setting boundaries is an act of self-worth.

Cultural influences significantly affect how boundaries are perceived and set.

Assertive communication is key to maintaining healthy boundaries.

There are different types of boundaries: physical, intellectual, emotional, and material.

Guilt often prevents people from setting necessary boundaries.

Empowerment comes from actively participating in one's own life.

It's important to communicate your boundaries clearly to others.

Boundaries are not just for personal protection but also for fostering healthy relationships.

Understanding the emotional costs of not setting boundaries is crucial.

Everyone deserves to prioritize their own needs and well-being.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Boundaries and Self-Worth

03:33 The Impact of Upbringing on Boundary Setting

08:04 Understanding the Book Title and Its Significance

10:03 Exploring Racial and Cultural Boundaries

11:39 Types of Boundaries: An Overview

15:56 Physical Boundaries: Everyday Examples

20:58 Intellectual Boundaries: Protecting Ideas and Values

23:43 Emotional Boundaries: Responsibility for Others' Feelings

29:41 Navigating Parenting and Individuality

30:51 Understanding Sexual Boundaries

34:32 Empowerment in Sexual Life

35:47 Cultural Contexts of Domestic Violence

37:50 Material Boundaries and Financial Obligations

41:03 Setting Limits on Time and Social Obligations

49:18 Assertive Communication Skills

51:57 Active Participation in Life

54:24 Shifting Focus to Self-Care

58:10 Introduction to PANSA PANSA Live Podcast