Friendship breakups are one of the most painful experiences we can go through and one of the least talked about. There's no ceremony, no bereavement leave, no socially agreed-upon way to grieve someone who is still out there, still living their life, but no longer in yours.

In this episode, Michelle and Danyelle give friendship endings the space they almost never get. From the slow, quiet outgrowing to the abrupt and unexplained rupture, they share personal stories from both sides: Danyelle on stepping into more of herself and leaving a friend group behind, and Michelle on a sudden rejection at 16. Together they explore what disenfranchised grief looks like in friendship, why avoidance is so common and sometimes even kind, and what it takes to move through loss in your body rather than around it.

This isn't a guide to ending friendships. It's an invitation to stop pretending the ones that end didn't matter.

In This Episode

• The difference between the "quiet outgrowing" and the "clean cut" and why one doesn't necessarily hurt less
• Why friendship grief is disenfranchised: the loss society doesn't make room for
• Avoidance as a trauma response and why it can sometimes be the kindest thing two people do
• The ways childhood shapes how we handle conflict, rejection, and letting go
• How lockdown quietly accelerated friendships that were already ending
• Unsent letters as a grief and release practice
• Somatic healing and why the only way out is through
• Water rituals for releasing grief and creating space
• Danyelle's cut-and-clear candle ritual: what it is, how to do it, and why it works energetically
• Inner child work and re-parenting in the context of letting go
• How to know when a friendship is worth repairing, and when walking away is the most loving thing
• Trusting your body's yeses and nos as a North Star in relationships

Reflection Questions

• Is there a friendship ending you've never fully grieved? What would it mean to give it space now?
• Which side of the friendship breakup do you more often find yourself on — the one who drifts, or the one who gets drifted from?
• Is there a relationship in your life right now where your body is giving you information your mind hasn't caught up to yet?
• What would a closing ritual look like for a friendship that ended without one?
• Where in your life are you treating yourself the way your caregivers taught you to — ignoring your own needs, staying past your yes?

Resources Mentioned

• We mentioned The Body Keeps the Score in the episode by Bessel van der Kolk, but also want to share this article (content note: discusses sexual assault), which discusses the reality that, among other things, some of van der Kolks methodologies "could make survivors feel like they are irrevocably harmed." Instead we'd like to point you to Somatic Abolitionism by Dr. Resmaa Menakem and What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo.
• The Bullet Journal Method by Ryder Carroll (referenced by Michelle)
• Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg (recurring framework; workbooks available by subscribing to our newsletter)
• Jessica Lanyadoo (referenced by Danyelle; source of "meat suit" concept)
• Cut-and-clear candle ritual (folk magic/hoodoo tradition) - Workbook coming soon!

Connect With Us
📸 Instagram: @thethirdthingpod
🌐 Website: TheThirdThingPod.com
🎧 Join our Patreon community for monthly events, deeper conversations, early access, workbooks, and more.

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend and leave a rating or review. It helps more people find the show and keeps the conversation about friendship, growth, and what it means to show up for each other going.

Support the show