『Episode 5 - The Basement Yard..love me tinder』のカバーアート

Episode 5 - The Basement Yard..love me tinder

Episode 5 - The Basement Yard..love me tinder

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Picture this: you’re at the bar, mid-rant to Joe Santagato, already deep into a philosophical takedown of humanity. “See, Joe, idiots aren’t just online. That’s just their headquarters. They clock out and come here.” Joe nods, like he’s heard this before but he’s letting you cook. And right on cue—like the universe filing supporting evidence—a guy appears. No warning. No context. Just… hands. He lifts you. “Are you—what are you doing?!” “I’m swiping right!” he says, like that explains anything. Joe slowly turns on his stool. “—What the hell is wrong with you?” You get set down two feet to the right like misplaced furniture. Before you can react, another guy steps up: “Can I swipe with consent?” You just stare at him. Joe goes, “That somehow made it worse.” And I’m like, “That’s not how consent works—you don’t just say the word and now it’s fine.” And then it clicks. “Oh no.” Joe: “What?” “Someone’s gonna try a super like.” Joe immediately: “Don’t say that. You’re gonna summon it.” Too late. Because a super like? That’s not a toss—that’s you getting dragged to the freaking bathroom. Joe stands up like, “OH absolutely not—nope—nope, we’re not doing that!” And now I’m on a rant. “No—consent is not ‘I bought you a drink,’ it’s not ‘I said you’re pretty,’ it’s not some transaction where you think you paid for access. You don’t get to take that and drag someone to the bathroom.” Joe’s backing it up: “Yeah, this isn’t a membership plan—you don’t unlock features!” “That’s how you get in serious trouble!” And I’m just like, “God damn it—Swiper, I said no swiping!” And now it’s spreading. Like a glitch in reality. One guy tosses someone left. Another tries a “respectful yeet.” A third is like, “Bro, is this a super like situation?” “THIS IS NOT TINDER LIVE!” you yell. From across the bar: “BRO I GOT A MATCH!” Joe leans in. “You were saying something about idiots?” “JOE THIS IS A CONFERENCE.” And then the DJ booth lights up. Mr. DJ over there—yes, Fluffy, AKA Gabriel Iglesias—is behind it, smiling like chaos is part of the set. “Oh no.” Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun… “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” Cupid Shuffle starts blasting. “To the right! To the right!” “NO—NOT LIKE THAT!” Now people are sliding, stepping, yeeting with rhythm. Joe watches for a second, then goes, “Oh cool—Fluffy thinks he’s Magic Mike now. Yeah, this is exactly how that movie started… right before the lawsuits.” And then—through the madness—Drew Lynch grabs a mic: “U—U—UH—TURN—LOL—LIKE LAWSUIT!” Joe raises his drink. “Honestly? Most accurate statement all night.” You watch a guy attempt a “super like” spin and nearly take out a waitress. “…God damn it,” you mutter. “Swiper,” you point at the chaos, “I said—no swiping.” "Swipe Left on Love" At the bar tonight where the idiots collide Joe and Drew listen as I pour out my pride These fools don't start online, no, it's real life first Then worse on the apps making my bubble burst Lieutenant Drew start a permanent vibe who's cool No privacy left, just broke every rule Not just a jerk, no he wore it with pride Left me bruised with laughter I couldn't hide Swipe left on love, this bar's a crazy ride Women getting tossed like Tinder swipe pride Idiots slinging hearts like it's some big game And super likes drag you off, oh what a shame He grabbed me hard, threw me right like a swipe Half in Joe's lap, my dignity on high Crowd goes wild, it's a live dating app Boys tossing girls like it's a demolition slap Drew screams, "GPS lines to save what's left!" Wrong swipe, recalculating, stop the theft One guy asked, "Can I swipe with consent?" Progress or madness, I'm still not convinced Swipe left on love, this bar's a crazy ride Women getting tossed like Tinder swipe pride Idiots slinging hearts like it's some big game And super likes drag you off, oh what a shame Cupid shuffles out, this wild dance took hold Every swipe a throw, every move bold Maybe love's pain, maybe it's time to quit Swipe left on love, no more counterfeit This is why Dora said, "No damn swiping!" Sniper vs. Super Likes drag you off, you better be wiser I sip my drink and watch the chaos swing Joe Santagato if u don't open ur fucking uc me. U saw me I'm on tape mouth I'ma let ur ass fall for rico gay I meN kay no no no no no k ? Ok Swipe left on love, hear the bar's last ring A Letter: The Cost of Survival You know I didn't give up on my kids. I simply gave up on a system that allowed a man to gaslight me so thoroughly and label me so incorrectly that, had I fought within their rules, I would have lost all rights permanently. My way of fighting is a deliberate break from that system. If you cannot understand that, then you don’t deserve me. How dare you all have such faith in everyone but me. You ...
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