When Parents Push Back: Working with Resistance in Play Therapy

You can have every handout, every strategy, every piece of psychoeducation ready to go, but if the parent sitting across from you is defended, exhausted, and quietly drowning in shame, none of it is going to land. So what do we actually do?

Ever sat across from a resistant parent and thought, "If I could just get through to them, everything would shift for this child"? You're not alone, and in this episode, Kylie unpacks one of the most common threads she hears from supervisees: how do we support children when we're not finding movement, insight, or collaboration with their parents?

Recording on a beautiful winter's morning on Quandamooka country (yes, you're getting the Brisbane weather update whether you asked for it or not), Kylie shares reflections on why so many parents show up to our clinics exhausted, overscheduled, and carrying an enormous amount of shame, and why the answer, again and again, comes back to connection.

In this episode, Kylie explores:

Why all roads lead back to relationship. You can have every tool in the world, but without connection, parents simply won't invest in giving your suggestions a go.

The contributing factors behind parental defensiveness: guilt and shame (one of the most acute forms of shame in the literature), overwhelm, unresolved childhood history, system pressure, and protection.

Why this generation of parents, hello geriatric millennials, are the first expected to re-parent themselves while re-parenting their children, often while working and running a household at the same time.

How the tenets of CCPT, empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard, apply just as much to the parents in our consults as they do to the children in our playroom.

What it means to "meet children of all ages," including the defended parent who was likely criticised as a child and learned that vulnerability wasn't safe. This is the parallel process: the way we work with children mirrors the way we work with parents.

Practical shifts you can make right away: leading with curiosity and wonder statements instead of "you should try," reflecting and validating feelings, sharing playroom wins as gentle invitations, and honouring where a parent sits in the cycle of change.

Why countertransference is therapeutic gold, and what your own frustration or irritation might actually be telling you about what's happening for that parent.

The "session three" marker Kylie watches for, why early drop-off can sometimes be a better outcome than losing a family twenty sessions in, and how to set collaborative expectations, and hold boundaries, from the very first consult.

This is gentle, person-centred reflection for anyone doing the tender work of supporting families. A reminder that we don't need to break through the wall. We just need to make the environment safe enough that the wall doesn't have to work so hard, and to give parents the same patience, empathy, and time we'd offer any child in the playroom.

Whether you're a seasoned play therapist, a student just starting out, or someone deeply passionate about working with children, you belong here.

Got a play therapy or CCPT question you'd love answered on the pod? Email Kylie. The link's in the show notes, and she'd genuinely love to hear from you.

Come join the free community circle to connect with other CCPT practitioners (link in show notes too).

If this episode resonated, please follow the podcast, share it with a colleague, or leave a short review. It helps others find the circle.

Until next time, look after yourselves and each other. Go well.

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute therapeutic advice. All views are Kylie's own, and any case examples have been de-identified.